I’ve held many jobs in my day and learned valuable lessons from every one of them. People who wait tables are the most fun people on the planet. Cubicles can steal your soul. And telemarketing can be fun if you give yourself a fake name and have a plan for getting a new job asap.
But no job taught me more than when I coached leaders at a large organization. Partly because it was the most challenging time of my career, but also because I’ve found effective leadership principals are not only effective in Corporate America, they work for moms too.
I didn’t always look at my mom job this way. I didn’t think about it much at all. I mostly tried to survive each day drinking in the sweet moments and enduring everything else. I turned into a grumpier, unhealthy version of myself when I was living that way. Thank goodness I discovered a way to thrive while still being a mess. Here are 3 basic leadership principles that made me a better woman and a better mom.
1. You must have a way to evaluate your effectiveness.
Employees need to know when they are winning at their jobs because winning feels good and employees who feel good do better work. It should be clear, measurable and within the employee’s control. It can’t be company profits because unless you’re the CEO, that’s not within your control. Instead, it should be behavior-based measurements that will most likely lead to success for the department or organization.
For example, when I waited tables, I was successful if I offered dessert to 90% of my tables. If I’d been judged on dessert sales and there was a Paleo convention in town, I would have failed. But if I offered it to every table odds are there would be plenty of my kind of people who know that there is always room for cake, and I would sell desserts.
When I ask women how they know whether or not they’ve done a good job each day as a mom, they usually give me some version of, “If my kids are happy I did well.” The problem here is that kids get to decide how they’re going to feel and sometimes they’ll choose unhappy for no reason. They’re kids.
And what would happen if your child wanted to play on the highway and was unhappy when you said no? Does this mean you didn’t do a good job? It’s OK to want happiness for your kids, but it’s not the right measure of your effectiveness as a mom and because most of us don’t think about it, it’s the main one we use.
I personally had a great mom day if I spent a minimum of ½ hr of “I’m all here” time with my kids. I’m not allowed to multi-task during this time. No phone. No laptop. No housework. No running a to-do list in my mind. Instead I’m really listening to their ridiculous stories, playing a game or even doing homework with them. Side note: I don’t do trampolines, anything related to the movie Frozen, or board games that lower your IQ like Chutes and Ladders or Candyland.
I’m all here time is where I believe I will get the best result in my mom job because when I’m all here we connect and I show them they are important to me. When I do it I congratulate myself on a good day. When I don’t do it I evaluate why and consider how I can do better.I don’t judge my day on the condition of my house (usually messy) or the state of my kids (moody at best). Those are things I still strive for but they don’t define my success as a mom.
2. The best jobs provide ongoing training and development.
Most companies realize that the safest way to get an employee to do a job the way you want it done is to begin with proper training. Ongoing training and development not only helps increase skill level, it can be motivating to the employee and increases job satisfaction overall. It also sends a message about the value of the employee. Training and development costs money and companies don’t invest money in people they don’t value. You don’t send your worst employees to a conference or seminar, you send your best ones because you’ll get the biggest return on your investment from them.
So mom, how do you invest in yourself? And parenting classes hardly count. Your emotional health has a bigger impact on your kids than anything else. Studies show that whether mom stays at home or works is less indicative of a child’s well-being than whether mom is emotionally healthy and happy. Focus on developing yourself as a whole by learning about the things that you are most interested in.
I read a lot of books but I know that if I really want to learn something in a way that will change me, I need a teacher. I enroll myself in at least one coaching program, class or conference every quarter to ensure I am getting the development opportunities I need to improve and to feel excited about myself and my life. This premise is how I designed my Be Bold program where I help women go from good to great in 6 main areas of their lives. I’d love to talk to you about whether or not it’s a program that you would enjoy, but there are a lot of opportunities out there and whether it’s here or elsewhere, please pick something and invest in yourself. You are worth the investment.
3. Work/Life balance is essential to avoid burnout.
If you push employees to work harder and longer, you might see an increase in performance initially, but it is not a sustainable model of leadership. People will eventually burn out if they don’t have work/life balance. Vacation days, breaks and reasonable working hours are all mandatory by companies that understand this principle.
Moms are no different except that the line between “work” and “life” is blurry because your job is your life. Many women think balance is impossible but I assure you it’s critical to avoid burnout. If taking a shower is your only escape and nap time is so precious you can’t decide what to focus on first, you may want to evaluate whether or not you have enough balance in your life. Your mind is going to tell you it’s impossible. It doesn’t want to do the work of figuring it out so it will come back with, “There is nobody to help,” or “I can’t afford it,” but if you remind yourself that you’re capable of figuring it out, you’ll find a way.
I have someone watch my kids at set times every week so I can have a break from that part of my life and focus on something else. I used to think I couldn’t afford that, but now I know I can’t afford not to and I got very creative with how to pay for it. It’s worth every penny. I want my kids to remember me as a happy healthy person, not as the burned-out, resentful, tired woman I am when I don’t have balance.
In the end, I am my own boss. Nobody else is going to figure these things out for me. When I am a good boss to myself, I’m willing to do all sorts of tasks that aren’t on the top of my list of favorite activities. When I neglect myself or don’t pay attention to how I’m doing, I become a problem employee to myself and my family.
You can do this mama. You’re the most valuable employee on your team. You are the mom. God sent those kids to you because you are the one he wants doing the job. Apply these basic leadership principles and you’ll find your success and your happiness on the up and up.
Have an amazing week.
Let’s stay in touch. Subscribe to Take Tuesday to receive mom gold and glitter in your inbox every Tuesday. OK there’s no glitter. Too messy.
