There seems to be a lot of talk these days about how society is full of selfishness, greed and ingratitude. While you certainly can find examples of this without much effort, I would like to suggest that it is not the norm. At least not with the majority of the people I am fortunate to get to hang out with. The commoners like you and I are just going about our day driving kids around or going to work and hoping someone will like what we did, or at the very least appreciate that we washed our hair that day.
We are not out there swearing at flight attendants for making us turn off our cell phones during Words With Friends. We’re not holding out for more money because the $25,000,000 annual salary we make hosting the Today Show is just not cutting it any longer. And we’re NOT taking non-stop selfies to publish in a 352-page book entitled “Selfish.” Gosh you can’t make this stuff up.
In fact, the majority of the clients I work with have a different problem. We are so careful about not wanting to appear how Alec Baldwin (who I’m really a fan of actually), Matt Lauer (who I do adore by the way) or Kim Kardashian (she did what?!) do in the media, that we don’t allow ourselves to think about what we want or even what we need.
I like to do an exercise where I have my clients make a list of 20 things they really want. Most of them have a hard time getting past #6 and they are so vague I wonder if they realize that they have officially turned into their mothers. “I just want my kids to be happy and healthy and for everyone to get along.”
I’m not suggesting this is entirely a problem, but that’s another post for another day. What I’m suggesting is that if you don’t know what you really want, you are certainly not working towards getting it. You’re not seeing opportunities all around to reach goals if you have no goals. I mean specific goals. Specific wants. Understanding what you really want will then allow you to find opportunities to get it in ways you otherwise will never see.
I don’t really know if the movie the Social Network from several years ago about Mark Zuckerberg and the development of Facebook was accurate, but I do love the example of this principle portrayed in the movie. Zuckerberg becomes so focused on making his small database appealing to the other students at Harvard, that he notices opportunities to do so in every-day life. When a fellow student questions him about the pretty girl in their history class, wondering whether or not she has a boyfriend, an idea pops into Zuckerberg’s head and “relationship status” is born. His laser-like focus on reaching this goal caused him to see things he otherwise might not have noticed.
It is much easier to think about what we don’t want or what we just wish was different. Sometimes our resistance to what is, can even be disguised as a want, For example, I just wish I could keep up on the housework. I wish my husband would just follow through on what he says he’s going to do. I wish I had longer hair and a smaller waist and fewer wrinkles.
These look like wants but in fact they are just examples of resisting what is, and telling your mind to notice what’s “wrong.” I don’t want a messy house. I don’t want my husband to be the way he is. I don’t want to look how I look. Your mind will continue to find evidence that something is wrong. Instead, let your AMAZING mind find ways to get what you DO want.
So what’s a girl to do? If she wants Mark Zuckerberg level of success that is? Figure out what you want. Just try writing about it for a few minutes each day. Every morning spend two minutes writing about what you want. I mean what do you REALLY want? What do you SECRETLY want? Get VERY specific. See what comes up for you and then see if your AMAZING mind will find a way to make it happen. (Spoiler alert: It WILL!) In the process you might change your mind about what you want. There are no rules here. All of it is a valuable part of discovering yourself and creating your perfect life experience.
Here are some examples of things some of my clients have discovered they really want:
- I want a cleaning lady to come at least twice a month.
- I want to spend at least 1 hour of one-on-one time with each of my kids each week.
- I want to rock a new min-van with 8-cup holders and a DVD player and automatic doors.
- I want to eat when I am hungry and stop eating when I am full.
- I want to feel a connection with my teenaged son who doesn’t talk to me much.
- I want to have relationships with my Grandkids even though my daughter (their mom) is mad at me and won’t let me see them.
- I want a vacation to Hawaii with just my husband for 6 days flying first class and staying in a beautiful hotel.
- I want to let go of my past and see myself the way God does.
- I want to grow my photography business enough to double my income and hire someone to handle all of the business building, marketing and scheduling.
- I want to quit the job I hate and make up the income doing what I LOVE!
Now…some of these wants sounded impossible to my clients until they allowed their minds to stop RESISITING. If you spend your time thinking about how impossible things are, about how you can’t afford it, don’t have the time, or don’t see a solution you’re telling your mind to just look for proof of these thoughts and it will find a lot of it. If you allow yourself to truly WANT things and accept the circumstances the way they are, you will free your mind to find a way to get exactly what you want. There’s always a way.
So what do you want? I mean what do you REALLY want? What do you SECRETLY want? You’re SHOW US YOUR BOLD Tuesday Challenge is to write about it and get specific and then watch it appear right before your very eyes. Do it every day this week and watch what happens! I DARE you.
Loving your guts so much…
Jody
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