Sexual relations in marriage is something I coach on regularly, and it’s an interesting subject. In the church, we talk about sex and the law of chastity a lot before we get married. But then once we’re married, it can feel like we never talk about it again. However, sexual relations are an important part of the human experience and not managing your thoughts around this can really strain a marriage.
We spend a lot of energy on resisting our urges up until the point we become a union in the eyes of Heavenly Father, but when we’re finally given the green light, reality kicks in and our emotions around sex can be difficult to process. We make it mean all sorts about ourselves and our partner.
Join me this week, whether you’re engaged and looking for some insight into the sexual aspects of marriage, or you’ve been married for years and are struggling with your partner’s level of desire and arousal, whether that’s lower or higher than your own. What I have seen in my clients is that there are two people within the sexual dynamic of a marriage: the higher-desire partner and the lower-desire partner. I’m going to be addressing both sides of the story today and share what thoughts you can work on to look after yourself and your own needs, without making life any less comfortable for your spouse.
As well as ASK JODY ANYTHING, I’m hosting a couple of webinars over the next few weeks around dealing with anxiety and how to deal with loved ones questioning or leaving the church. Click here to find out more.
What You’ll Learn on this Episode:
- Why no party in a marriage owes the other anything just because they’re married.
- What we make it mean when we experience more or less sexual desire than our partner.
- Why it is not your spouse’s responsibility to arouse you and fulfill you sexually, and vice versa.
- How a higher-desire partner punishes themselves by trying to take responsibility for their spouse’s arousal.
- The best way to act towards your spouse as the lower-desire partner in a marriage.
- What kind of stories run around the lower-desire partner’s mind when it’s obvious their spouse wants sex.
- How to cultivate more desire in yourself if you’re the lower-desire partner in your marriage.
- Where your partner’s level of intimate desire actually comes from.
Mentioned on the Show:
- Come hang out with me in Seattle at Better Than Happy Live! I’ll be there in June to spend a whole day with you, give you a taste of coaching, and record a live podcast all about how to create a deliberate future.
- Join me for the next Ask Jody Anything coaching call!
- Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
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