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You guys. Are you ready for this? Today I’m coaching a real live client. A fantastic, amazing woman who wants to find herself. She struggles with feeling like her husband has expectations of her and we do some great work here helping her see that what she believes is the problem is of course not the problem at all. Check this out and see if you can relate to any of what this woman is going through.
Hi Jody!
I just wanted to thank you for today’s podcast. I can sympathize so much with the woman you helped. And I look forward to applying much of what you talked about with her, in my own life. I too, have been guilty of adding meaning to my husband’s statements that are not true or helpful… I will be thinking from now on “I have a husband that notices the details and likes order” when he makes little comments. Brilliant.
I have been binge listening to all your episodes while I work, since I found you two weeks ago. It’s amazing to me how quickly and dramatically I have been able to shift my thinking with your help and tips. Keep up the great work. You’re awesome!
I was wondering if you happen to have a list of journaling prompts, like the ones you talked about today that you could put on the website (kind of like you’ve done with the parenting toolkits)? I loved the questions you asked your client to help her remember who she is.
Thanks again for all you do! I’ll keep listening as long as you keep recording. And I’m recommending you to all my friends too.
Love,
Stephanie
Thanks so much Stephanie! Yes I’ll figure out how to get some journaling prompts out there asap. xo
This is such an awesome podcast! Thank you! It seems to be easy for all of us to attach meaning behind things that aren’t necessarily there. Can we explore this more? Since the holidays are here and extended families often come together, could you discuss in a podcast how we can keep our thinking clean when extended familiy members begin putting meaning on everyone in the family. So and so hurts me-which we know is a thought but can we help family feel comfortable with each other when we are all together and they think that way?
Hi Katrina! Thanks for your question/comment. Other family members will add meaning and actually WE will all add meaning to each other but I want you to be intentional about the meaning you add rather than just running on auto pilot (like most people will do). So…. if the meaning you’re adding is painful to you…then you can decide to question it. Sometimes I honestly believe that another person is judging me or means to “hurt” me so to talk myself out of it won’t help…but I can always default to, “That’s about them. It’s not about me.” And truly people who are judgmental are walking around feeling terrible. That’s why they do what they do. It’s painful to be them. It’s about them. And I feel sorry for them.
The other thing I want you to remember is that you can’t make your family members feel comfortable because what they feel comes from what THEY think. You don’t have to. It’s not your job. Your only job is for YOU to feel how you want and to think thoughts about them that make YOU feel comfortable. When you do, they will feel good around you as a “gift with purchase.” Yes?
I love this!!! I Soooo badly needed this today and this holiday.
I have been enjoying listening to ALL your podcasts! I feel for the woman in this session as I just had baby #6 and over several years have learned how to not take my husband and children’s behavior personally! And I even signed up for my own session with you! How can I better prepare for my session with you? And discuss what would be most beneficial for my personal growth?!
Hi Shay – If you have a particular area you want help with that’s great. Try to bring a specific example…that will make it the most impactful. But overall – just show up and I’ll take care of you. 🙂
I loved the journaling suggestions! She is definitely not alone. I only have one toddler, and still find myself questioning who I am and what’s next.
Lendy
http://www.twoplusluna.com
Amazing episode! Thanks a lot!
I’m late to the game. I just found your podcast in the last 3 weeks and am slowly working my way backwards like you suggested.
Thank you! Many of your posts hit everything on the head for me, especially this one. I appreciated your thoughts about thinking about what I “secretly” want to do. This is something I have spent a lot of time considering lately, but have found my thought process is stuck in the sense I don’t know how to make it happen. My husband has a very demanding job, and I am a stay at home parent. I work a part-time job I enjoy, but do it knowing if I want to continue to do so, I make it work on my own while being a sort of solo parent a large majority of the time. At times, I feel a little jealous because it seems my husband is working toward his long term dreams (although I know he is not currently happy at his job and would rather be home with us), and his dreams make the money. My dreams (hobbies, education, working) may only slightly contribute to our family income, but it would put a significant strain on our income as I depend on sitters to make things happen for me. I am trying hard to take the advice you and Brooke Castillo discussed about “doing it all,” but dropping the resentment, and allowing my husband to show up and be loved exactly how he is. But, I don’t know how to do it all and follow my dreams when things still have to be done, and it seems to all fall on me as a pseudo solo parent. At times I feel trapped in my own life.
Thank you for all your hard work and insightful words! You have been a wonderful addition to my family 😉 and I now tell everyone I know about you and to tune in. I look forward to having more change without anything changing at all.
I loved this episode. I have been digesting the wisdom that I am in control of myself and that’s it. I can’t control anyone else. Just me. It’s very freeing! I would love to do the journaling exercise. Do you happen to have the question list available somewhere?