552. How to Influence Others

As human beings, it is natural that we have a desire to try to influence the people around us. Sometimes this turns into something not useful, like manipulation or an attempt to control others, but sometimes it really is a necessary and useful part of the human experience to have a positive influence on the people around us. Today we’re going to understand the difference between trying to manipulate, trying to control, and trying to influence. We are also going to take a deeper dive into understanding human motivation in general so that we can understand what truly drives change for the better and what does the exact opposite. Welcome to Better Than Happy: How to Influence Others. Let’s do it.

Welcome to Better Than Happy, the podcast where we transform our lives by transforming ourselves. My name is Jody Moore. In the decade-plus I’ve been working with clients as a Master Certified Coach, I’ve helped tens of thousands of people to become empowered. And from empowered, the things that seemed hard become trivial, and the things that seemed impossible become available, and suddenly, a whole new world of desire and possibility open up to you. And what do you do with that?

Well, that’s the question… what will you do? Let’s find out.

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Hey there. Welcome to the podcast. I have a great topic in store for you today: How to Influence Others. We don’t talk about this very much because I spend a lot of time trying to talk you out of trying to control other people, trying to focus on changing them, manipulating them, right? And so we’re going to talk about the difference today because there is a time when we want to focus on how we’re influencing others. There is a time when that’s going to serve you and the people around you.

And for those of you listening who are coaches or have some kind of similar business—coaches, teachers, healers, etc.—I want to make sure you’re registered for Pro Coach Camp because that starts just a few days from when this episode airs. It’s completely free. It’s going to be phenomenal. I’m going to help you go from being an amateur coach to a pro coach so that you can have more clients. You can build the business that you want to have and make the influence you want to have through your business.

But this episode is for everyone. It’s going to be useful for coaches or anyone trying to build a business, but it’s also going to be useful because we all have people that we want to be a positive influence for. We have families, friends, coworkers, customers, clients, neighbors, people we go to church with, children, parents, etc. So we’re going to be talking about all of that today and how we can get better at influencing others. Are you ready? I got seven strategies for you today. They’re going to help you to be more influential.

And I want to tell you that if you pay attention to people who are influential—I want you to think for just a minute about people who you would say, that person is influential. When they speak, people tend to listen. They are able to sometimes change somebody’s mind. They are able to persuade people and, of course, we want to look to the ones that are doing it for a good cause, that are promoting goodness, love, kindness, whatever other values that you happen to believe in.

Think about those people because I promise you, those people understand these seven things, whether they logically understand them or they intuitively sort of behave this way. These are the seven things that all influential people have in common. So these are the things I want you to practice. And maybe some of them—I’m sure a lot of them you’re already doing—but maybe there’s one or two that you hadn’t considered that’s going to make a big impact in your life. All right?

So, number one: clean up your motives. Clean up your reason why you are trying to influence this other person. Now, in order to clean it up—I’ll tell you what I mean by that—but in order to do it, we have to first understand what your current motive is. Okay? And then we want to take a look at, is that really what I want driving me, or is there a higher value, a better motive, a better reason, a more trusting, faith-filled, abundant who I actually am type of reason that we can get to, and we’re going to make that transition. Okay?

So, first step, we have to identify your current motive. So I had a client once who came to me and said, my daughter is a dancer. She’s been in dance a long time and she wants to quit dance, and I’m really torn. I really don’t want her to quit. She really doesn’t want to stay, and I’m trying to decide what’s the right thing to do. Okay? So I said to her, let’s take a look at your reasons for wanting her to stay. Because maybe we want to influence this child. I mean, depending on the child’s age, you could literally tell her she has to stay in dance, but ideally, we’d like to talk her into wanting to stay in dance if we’re going to do that, right? So let’s take a look at your reason why. And we just started exploring reasons. Now, the first reasons that come up usually are things like, well, I just think it’s good for her. It’s good to get some exercise. It’s good to do hard things. It’s good to meet people. It can build her confidence and all kinds of great, totally awesome for her daughter reasons maybe to make her stay.

And I said, okay. Well then, why don’t you just make her stay? Well, again, she really doesn’t want to. There are other things she could do that she could get those benefits from. It’s becoming really a battle, etc. Right? So she has all kinds of reasons. Okay, so I said, now, so what else is there? What else is going on for you? If we were just like, listen, she can quit dance and she can get exercise and connect with people and do hard things and build confidence in so many other ways. It’s not going to be dance anymore. What else comes up for you? Right? And what my client discovered was that at her kind of deepest desire here, she was afraid that she wouldn’t be keeping up with the other people in her community, that in some way, she and her daughter or her family would be less than.

Now, when she says it out loud, she knows this is not true. She knows this is illogical, it makes no sense. But part of her thinks everybody else in my community is very involved in all kinds of activities, and dance is a big one. And if we drop out of it, in some way, we’re not keeping up with them, or we’re not as good as them. This is super powerful to understand, and you have to be willing to examine the truth. Right? And that fear-based reason, that scarcity-based reason, that comparison with others type of reason was the main driver for her because everything else she could come up with had a very easy solution, right?

And so when she realized this, and this is what you have to do, you have to realize what is the strongest driver because usually the lighter reasons have really easy solutions. So I always think of it like my brain is just a really good salesman, but sometimes kind of a sleazy salesman, right? So it’s trying to throw little things at me like, but don’t forget about this, and what about that? But really, it’s just trying to sometimes sell me on something that I actually don’t want to buy in the end. Like, I don’t want to buy into that I should live my life in a way that isn’t what I truly desire just to try to keep up with or impress the people around me. Right? That’s not how we want to make decisions about our lives.

So you have to be onto your brain when it’s like, yeah, but your daughter needs to get exercise. Right? Is that really the reason? And if so, and you like that reason, cool. But is that really what’s going on, or is this your brain trying to sell you on a more fear-based reason? We don’t want to make decisions from fear, from scarcity, from comparison, from insecurity, from shame, or from blame or judgment or any of those negative things that we don’t want more of in our lives.

So what we had to do was clean up her reason. We identified this core reason that wasn’t serving her, and then we just kind of poked some holes in it, really gently. We don’t just toss it aside by going, that’s stupid. That’s not true. Why are you believing that? We hear it out. We go, okay, you know what? Let’s just explore it a little bit more. Let’s ask some questions about where does human value come from and what makes a life more valuable or good, and what if it’s true that people might judge us and look down on us? Are we going to judge ourselves and look down on ourselves? Because we get to choose that part, right?

So we totally cleaned up her reason to get to a more peaceful, abundant, loving reason. Now, in this particular situation, my client decided she wasn’t going to make her daughter stay in dance. But sometimes we clean up our reasons and decide, yeah, I want to influence her to stay in dance here. I’m going to talk to her. I’m going to sit down and have a conversation with her, and maybe I’m going to tell her she’s got to stay in dance, but I would love to be able to influence her to want to, right? And that’s where we’re going to then start looking at the other six strategies I have for you today. But super important that you clean up your reason. Here’s why.

Manipulation is trying to get someone to do something so that I can feel better or I can have what I want. Influence is trying to get someone to do something so that they can feel better or have what they want. It’s a huge difference. And it sounds like a very clear, easy thing to identify the difference, but it’s not because, again, our brains are so tricky. If what I want is to feel like we’re doing as good of a job as the other people in our community, we’re as valuable and important as them, my brain won’t offer it to me that way usually, right? It will trick me into believing this is for my child’s best good, my child’s highest good.

And it has very logical reasons that aren’t even entirely false. So you have to ask yourself, am I trying to get whoever the other person is—my child, my boss, my coworker, my husband, my clients, my customers—am I trying to get them to do something different so I can feel better and have what I want? Or is this me trying to influence them so that they can feel better and have what they want? We got to clean that up.

Okay, number two: do less assuming and more asking. Less assuming and more asking. Now, this has to do with when we start having conversations with people. When we start interacting and we decide, all right, I’m going to try to influence this person, I need to do less assuming and more asking. What do we assume? We assume we already know what happened. We know why it happened. We know what the person is currently thinking or feeling. And the number one thing we assume is that we know what’s best for them. We know what they should do next. We know what’s going to happen if they do it, and we know what’s going to happen if they don’t do it. We know how they should feel. We know how they should think. We think we know a lot, don’t we?

We want to do less assuming and more asking. Okay? You might still have ideas. You will probably—I always do—about what I think happened and what I think they should do next and what I think is best. But I don’t want to go into it throwing my ideas at people. Nobody really likes that. Have you noticed? It’s not a great way to influence people. You want to go into it genuinely curious and asking questions. Even if you think you already know, especially when you think you already know, go into it asking questions. Okay?

So let’s look at an example. Let’s look at one in a business setting this time. Okay? And you don’t have to have a business to relate to this. Have you ever gone into an interaction with a potential business deal? Like maybe you were going to buy something, or maybe this person at least wants you to buy something. Like, let’s take somebody who knocks on your door and they’re selling solar. Okay? Or there’s, let’s just say, I don’t understand solar that well. So let’s say pest control because I understand bugs.

Okay, so what do you think is more influential? If they say to you, you have spiders and bugs all over, or your yard is a mess, you need pest control. That’s option one, which is what most salespeople do, right? They come at you with what they know. Or option two, they start asking you questions. Hey, are you concerned at all about pests and bugs? Have you noticed spiders or anything around your house? Do you have a pest control plan already? Do you have something in place for controlling pests in your yard and home? Aren’t we much more open to these questions that people ask rather than them coming at us with assuming that they know what’s best for us? Okay? I want to tell you that this kind of assuming that we do, not only makes our conversations less impactful with others.

If I’m talking to my child about something I heard that happened at school and I go into it assuming I know what happened and assuming I know how they feel and assuming I know what they should do next, that’s going to be far less useful than me asking them questions. What happened? Oh man, how are you feeling? What do you think is the best next thing to do? How are you feeling right now about it? What can I do to support you?

Questions are so much more influential when asked correctly than assuming. Some of us are limiting ourselves and getting what we want in our lives because we’re afraid to ask. We assume we already know the answer. For example, if you’re at a job and you would like a raise or you would like something different about your job and you tell yourself, there’s no way they’re going to give me a raise. There’s no way they’re going to let me change up this part of my job. Then you never ask, and then the answer is for sure no. Right?

What’s wrong with asking? If you want to be more influential, you have to ask more for what you want. Sometimes it’s a direct ask for what you want. You have to be willing to be wrong. You have to be willing to be told no. You have to be willing to engage in interesting conversations. But stop assuming and start asking more questions. Influential people ask questions, and they get better at questions. They pay attention to what are useful questions and what are not, and that’s a skill that you can learn over time.

All right, number three: point out the other person’s strengths instead of criticizing their weaknesses. It’s tempting to go into certain conversations going, hey, listen, this is not okay. This thing you did isn’t going to fly. It’s not allowed. I don’t tolerate that, especially I’m thinking about conversations with kids, right? But this is not a great way to influence people. Think about it. When somebody comes at us with an insult or criticism, what happens? Our guard goes up. Our wall goes up. We become defensive. We start building in our minds a counter argument for whatever it is that they’re telling us and thinking about why they’re wrong and how we can prove that they’re wrong because we feel attacked.

And when we feel attacked, we go on the defense. Now, how do we then address problematic behaviors or unmet expectations if we’re not going to criticize their weaknesses? How are we going to do it? We’re going to point out how every lack of, let’s say, useful, good behavior is coming from an overused strength. Let me say that more clearly. Our weaknesses are just our strengths overused. Our weaknesses, our shortcomings, are just our strengths unmanaged. Okay?

So let me give you another example. I had a client whose child had a struggle at school, and after getting the story, she felt like her daughter had said some unkind, mean things that she needed to apologize for. Okay? So what she was planning to say to her daughter was, you can’t say things like that. That’s not kind, and you’ve got to be kind, a version of that, right? And I said, what if instead of just criticizing her weaknesses, what if we pointed out her strengths? In other words, you know what I love about you, daughter? You’re so confident, and you’re direct and bold. You know how to say exactly what’s on your mind. You don’t have to beat around the bush. You’re clear. You’re clever. You’re a lot of fun, right? This is somebody who’s going to be usually fun and silly and clever at times, right? But also, all of those strengths that are going to serve you so well in your life that I want you to keep might create things that you don’t want in your life if you don’t manage those strengths.

So we got to talk about that, and I’m here to help you and guide you, but we have to manage the part of you that says what she thinks because I want you to keep the strength. We just need to learn how to get in control of it, when to use it, and when to turn it down just a little bit to create what you want, which is friendships, connection, success, relationships, right?

And again, we go into this asking questions always, but when it comes time to point out a lack of met expectations, it needs to come from pointing out overused strengths. Even in a work setting, back when I used to work in corporate and we had to show up to the office at a certain time. Now we all work from home and show up whenever I guess, but anyway, when I worked in an office, sometimes we’d have to have conversations about like, hey, you’re not meeting this expectation. And it’s still just a strength overused.

So sometimes it’s like, hey, I love how much fun you are and how chill and laid back you are and how you know how to take care of your needs and you look out for others. And so you like to stop at Starbucks on the way in and grab coffee for yourself and other people in the office. I love that about you. You’re super fun to have on our team. Now listen, all of those strengths that you have, when you don’t manage them, create problems because you don’t show up to work on time. Right? So we’ve got to figure out, how do we help you still be you? Be fun, be thoughtful, be clever, be fun, but tone it back so that you can still get to work on time? How are we going to make that happen? Because that’s the expectation here.

I’ll tell you that for those of you that have businesses, this is like, actually happens more often than I ever realized. Like, it kind of shocks me when I’m at the receiving end of it. But when you go to pitch your services or your stuff, don’t do it by insulting or criticizing the person you’re trying to influence. Here’s what I mean. I’ve had people say to me, hey, the way you taught that thing wasn’t good. You should let me help teach your content. You should bring me on your podcast or bring me into your business because the way you’re teaching it is not that good.

I’ve had people say, your clothes don’t fit your body right. You’re not dressing appropriately. Let me be your stylist. Let me show you how to pick clothes. I literally had somebody take a photo of me and Photoshop my eyebrows and tell me that my eyebrows don’t look good. They should look like this instead, and then they want me to hire them to do my eyebrows. Okay? This is called insult influencing. I don’t recommend it. Okay?

So you want to put your services out there and say, have you ever wanted somebody to help you with your eyebrows or pick your clothes or help you with your content? And you let people self-select and say, yes, I want that. Yes, I think that’s a problem for me. But you don’t go around pointing out to people, this is your problem, this is what’s wrong with you, this is where you’ve fallen short. It’s not very influential. You can try it, but for me, it doesn’t inspire me and motivate me to want to work with that person. It puts my guard up and my defense up, right?

A lot of people are also doing this in the world of politics. Obviously, I think that’s the most dramatic and extreme example we have right now. But everybody’s trying to criticize other people, people that they disagree with, right, and tear them down. And listen, sometimes we just want to express our opinion. We’re not always trying to be influential. That’s okay too. If you just want to express your opinion, maybe you want to express outrage about something. Maybe you’re talking to the people who agree with you, and you’re thinking through it or you’re trying to rally for a cause or something, people who already agree with you. Okay, cool, then you can do that in a lot of different ways.

But to be clear, if you’re trying to influence somebody who sees it differently than you or somebody who’s on the fence, then insulting and criticizing them is not very influential. It tends to actually, again, put up a guard or have people dig their heels in harder to their current position. All right? So we have to change that approach if we’re trying to influence.

All right, number four. Number four is to care more about helping the other person get what they want than about you getting what you want. You got to care more about helping other people get what they want than you care about you getting what you want. Now, I know this is easier said than done, but let’s look at some examples and let’s talk about how to shift your head. Maybe you have a kid who plays video games, and you think they’re playing video games too long and it’s not going to serve them in their life in the long run, or they’re on their phone too much. What does that kid actually want? If I care more about helping my kid get what he wants or she wants than what I want, then they’re just going to want to stay on that phone or those video games even longer, right? Not really, because what do they really want?

What do they really want? Why are they on that video game so much? Do you know? Have you ever asked? This goes back to number two. Less assuming, more asking. When this topic comes up, I always ask, what game do they play? Sometimes they know, but often they don’t. And then I say, what is that game about? How does it work? What do they love about it? And usually they have no idea. Maybe they can tell me a little from what they’ve seen walking by, like there’s lots of guns and shooting or something. But I’ll say, what’s the objective of the game? How does it work? You know why they don’t know? Because they’ve never asked. They’ve never asked, right?

So we have to ask questions. What do you love about this game? Because you know what? The reason people play video games is because they want to feel like they’re winning. They want to be connecting with other people maybe in some way. They want to be entertained. They want all things that are healthy to want. They’re just satisfying it in maybe a way that isn’t ultimately going to serve them that might have a downside if it’s overly indulged in, right?

So care more about helping them get what they want than getting what you want. This comes up again for those of you that are entrepreneurs. If I care more about getting a client to pay me money so that I have another client in my business than I care about my client getting what they want, then they’re going to feel that in my marketing and my sales because it’s very hard to hide. We all know this when we’re talking to a salesman who just wants the sale more than they want us to succeed. It’s obvious, right? They just keep trying to talk us into it.

So let me give you an example of what it sounds like when you care more about what they want. So I’ve sold all kinds of things in my lifetime, but I remember back when I sold degree programs, and sometimes, you know, after talking through it, I’m trying to help this person figure out, is this the best option for you? Is this the best school for you? Is this program going to be the best way for you to achieve your goals? And what are your goals even? Their goals usually were to get a degree so that they could get promotions or have more job opportunities or make more money in some way. Okay? And so one of the biggest obstacles was that our school was not inexpensive.

And there was financial aid that would help with some of it, but a lot of that was student loans that were going to have to be paid back. And so the question would come up like, it’s just really expensive. I have to just decide if this is really right for me. And instead of going, well, let me tell you why it’s worth it and trying to talk them out of it, I would often say, yeah, it is a lot of money. Is there a less expensive option out there that you’re considering? Because if so, that might be great. You should definitely explore it. Right? And I genuinely meant it. Sometimes they’d say, yeah, I’m going to look into this school and that school or I’m going to look into this option. And I’d say, that’s so great. Now I might remind them, don’t forget you want to make sure you’re going to an accredited school. You want to make sure and ask about this, that, or the other thing. But absolutely, you should look into all your options.

And the truth was I knew that the school I worked for was a great option and was the best option for a lot of people. But for some people, maybe it wasn’t. And I don’t want to put somebody in a bad situation. That’s not a win for them or for me. And that’s true in my business today too, right? When I’m talking to clients who are considering coming to my program, if they have questions and hesitation, I want them to get what they want, which is to be mentally and emotionally healthier and stronger, to achieve goals, to create their dream business or have better, easier relationships or whatever it is. I want that for them more than I want them as a client. And that’s because I work on cleaning up my motive like we talked about in number one. I clean it up.

So if my brain goes to like, oh no, we really need more clients, I’m like, there’s plenty of people out there who want and need what you offer and who your offer is the best fit for. So what we’re doing is looking for them. And if this is not one of them, we don’t want to put anyone in a bad situation. So you clean it up by getting to abundance yourself and knowing that you can create what you want so that you’re not manipulating people, you’re truly influencing them for good.

All right, number five. Number five is you have to think through what’s in it for them and talk about what’s in it for them. You have to sell it. So we’ve talked a lot about, again, not being selfish about what you want, not trying to manipulate people. But now, we’re kind of making a little shift here with this one into when it is the best fit for them or you can see a benefit for them in their lives, don’t be afraid to go all in on talking about it. Not because you need them to make a change so that you can feel better or have a client or what have you, but because for their sake, what you’re actually selling them on is themselves. You’re selling them on having what they want in their life.

Now, sometimes there’s also a benefit for you, and that’s okay too. There’s nothing wrong with you both winning in the situation. But don’t be afraid to motivate and influence and sell people on the pros. Let me give you a different example here that we haven’t addressed today, which is like the work that we do sometimes at church with our callings. Okay? So I’ve had all different kinds of calling. A calling for those of you not members of the LDS Church is just our volunteer-based job that we’re asked to do. Okay? We call it a calling. So, for example, one time I was the—or a couple times I’ve been the Relief Society activity chairperson, which means we plan activities for the women to come to.

So what I was always saying was like, okay, this is the activity, but the activity is better for everybody when more people come. So we’ve got to sell these people on coming. We’re not just going to put it out there. There’s an activity on this night at this time. Everyone come. We got to sell it. How do we sell it? Well, there’s different levels that you can go to. And what I mean by that is like the lowest level is kind of like an external motivator or what we might call a bribe, not a literal bribe.

But for example, if we’re going to have treats there, that might get people there. If the activity is something that maybe the activity alone doesn’t sound all that exciting to people, then we might be like, and we’re going to have Crumbl Cookie that night host our activity. So it’s “a bribe.” Do you see what I mean? We do this with young kids a lot. It’s okay to do that. It’s just like, I think, a low level of influence because it might get them there, but I really would love for them to be excited about coming. So then there’s this higher level motivator, which is the internal motivation, right?

Instead of an external motivator, it’s an internal motivator like really touching on the benefits of why we even picked this topic and what it will do for them in their lives and getting them on board with the vision of whatever it is that we’re doing at that activity. That’s ideal. Now, it also means addressing objections they might have. So calling out things like, I know the last thing you want to do on a Tuesday night in February when it’s cold and dark outside is get in your car and come to the church. Part of you, that’s the last thing you want to do. But don’t forget about this. And here’s the benefit if you do, or here’s even a solution to that obstacle, and maybe here’s a way to carpool with a friend and whatever.

Like, overcome the objection, speak to objections, at least call them out and say, I know you’re thinking this, and speak to the reasons why. You have to sell things, my friends. You got to sell things. I’m always talking about this again in my church calling. The poor people that I work with, I’m in the youth now, so it’s like, we want the young women to do this. And I’m like, okay, let’s sell them on it. Let’s not just say, hey girls, we’re going to do this thing now, but let’s sell them on it and get them excited and get them on board. It’s just so much more effective and more fun for everybody if we sell them by talking about the benefits, talking about what’s in it for them.

One other quick example before we move on, I used to, when my kids were younger and they’d say things like, Mom, can we please get McDonald’s for dinner? And I’d say, well, sell me on it. Try to sell me on it. You know? And they might say something like, we haven’t had McDonald’s for so long and I’m really craving it. And I’d say, no, no, that’s what you want. When you sell me on it, it means you think about what I care about, what’s in it for me. Right? And I taught them to think about things like, you don’t have to make dinner if we go there and you don’t have to clean up dinner. And I know you don’t like McDonald’s, but you don’t have to eat McDonald’s. We could pick up something for you, a salad at Trader Joe’s, and we can get McDonald’s, right? So you have to think about and talk about and call out what’s in it for them, even if you think they already know.

Okay, number six. Number six is when you are trying to influence people, be their guide. Don’t try to be their hero. Okay? You are not the hero in someone else’s story. And even if they think they want you to be, they don’t. What they want and need is for you to be their guide, and they are going to be the hero in the story. So don’t position yourself as the hero. What that sounds like is things like, okay, you know what, we’ll just do this. I’m totally guilty of this at times with certain people in my life that I want to step in and go, you know what, it’s fine.

I’ll do this. I still do this actually with my older kids and things. Yeah, I’ll just send you money. We’ll do this. We’ll figure this out in this way. Whatever it is that I want to step in, I have the solution. It’s simple to me. I can just execute it and we can get you out of this pickle that you’re in. But guess what? That doesn’t serve them in the long run. Instead, you got to stop trying to be the hero and start being the guide. The guide is Yoda, right? You are Yoda. They are Luke Skywalker or Princess Leia. You are not.

So it means sometimes letting them flounder and being there to just support them, letting them suffer, letting them go through more pain than necessary if you just swooped in and solved it for them. You know why? Because this is how they evolve and grow and become the hero in their own story. I like to remind myself when I want to move into this hero savior mode that they already have a savior and it’s not me. Right? It’s not my job to be their savior. And when I’m wanting to do that, it’s because, again, I’m operating from wanting to feel better. I don’t want to be stressed and worried. I don’t want to feel bad about them. So I just want to fix it so I don’t have to be worried. But instead of that, I have to go, this is an awesome opportunity for them to evolve and grow and become even more of the hero in their own story.

I get to be the guide. The guide supports them. The guide believes in them. The guide is there for them, reminding them how great they are. The guide might even throw out ideas and examples at times, but the guide tries to empower them versus just making them happier or solving a problem. The guide realizes that this is a long-term development we’re trying to enact here, not just a short-term solving of a particular problem.

All right, number seven is when you are trying to be influential in any situation, I want you to decide who you will be regardless of the outcome. Sometimes with all of our best efforts, we go to influence somebody and it doesn’t work. Maybe they even go the opposite direction. But no matter what, you get to decide who you will be regardless of what they choose. So, for example, again, if you’re a coach or an entrepreneur and you’re trying to sell your program or whatever you offer and the client doesn’t buy, then who will you be? We have a few options. We can pout, we can be discouraged or mad or frustrated. That’s one option. We can chase them by doing lots of weird follow-up and begging and saying things like, what if we lower the price? And things that we know are coming from desperation and neediness.

Or number three, which I recommend, we can just have a clear follow-up plan that we execute with everyone, and then we wish them well whether they decide to buy or not and move on to the next. That is going to create a much more peaceful life for you, and it’s better for everyone, right, in the situation. Maybe this is, let’s talk again about a church situation. Sometimes we try to be influential in the people that we’re serving with in our church calling or the people that you work with in your job, right? And we have a certain idea about how to best execute something, and when we try all of our best efforts to be influential, it still doesn’t always go our way, right?

So then what? What do you do next? Do you start gossiping about it and judging and blaming and whispering behind people’s backs and creating a little team of people who see it your way? That’s one option, or do you take the high road? What does that look like? I don’t know. It can look like a lot of different things. I’ve seen people who decide to leave a job or even ask to be released from a church calling because they realize, I can’t stay here and not have judgment or resentment. I think that’s a beautiful way to take the high road, right? I’ve seen people decide, you know what? I guess this is the way it goes. I’m going to get on board with it, and I’m going to contribute what I can to this, even though it wouldn’t be my first choice about how we’re going to do it. I understand it, and I’m on board, and I’m going to bring my best to it.

That’s a great way to take the high road. Another option is maybe even take kind of a like, listen, I’m just going to show up and do what I need to do here because there’s nothing happening that I feel is like against my values that makes me need to walk away. But I’m going to just do the minimum. I’m not going to go above and beyond here because I don’t fully believe in this cause. Even that can be okay at times, right? But what we don’t want to do is go the opposite direction of trying to sabotage people or, like I said, judging, blaming, gossiping, etc.

I’ve again, worked in a lot of different settings. I own my own business now and have for 12 years, but before that, I worked for many other companies. And so I’ve seen employees come and go, right? And I’ve, unfortunately, had to be the one to fire employees or to lay off and let people go as jobs changed and positions weren’t needed or departments changed or my business changed. And it’s really fascinating how people respond. And I understand having emotions, right? Being sad, being even upset, like sort of grieving the end of a job. That I totally get that. But some people go through the grieving process and be this higher version of themselves that is still respectful and tries to take the learnings from it and keep a positive relationship with anyone that they want to keep a relationship with.

And other people can’t do it. They lose their cool. They kind of freak out. They become mean. They become resentful and angry and disconnect. And it’s just really fascinating to me. And I know I’ve been both of those people at different times in my lives, okay? So this is not about judgment of anyone, but what I want to empower you with is that I absolutely want you to go out there and be influential in your lives. But it’s not always going to work in your favor. And the question is then, now what? Who am I going to be now? All right?

Thanks for joining me today, everybody. Go out there and be a positive influence for good. I appreciate you, and I will see you on another episode next week. Bye-bye.

Oh wow, look at that. You made it to the end. Your time and attention is valuable, and I don’t take it lightly that you made it this far. In fact, it tells me you might be like me; insatiably curious about people and life and potential and connection. Maybe you have big dreams but a small budget and no time. You’re tired, but bored. You’re content, but dissatisfied. Sound familiar? Come to a free coaching call and see for yourself what’s possible: JodyMoore.com/freecoaching to register. That’s JodyMoore.com/freecoaching.