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It’s common in a marriage for one person to take a one-up position and the other a one-down. This dynamic can easily get reinforced over time and ultimately causes problems in the marriage. Today I’m taking you on a deeper dive of what each looks like so you can identify where you place yourself in your marriage. Then I’m talking you through the main problems created with this type of inequality in your mind. The goal for each of us should be equality in our marriage. If we view ourselves as equal partners then we show up at our best, we drop resentment and entitlement, and we feel more attracted to and appreciative of our spouses. This is what the healthiest, happiest marriages look like. Tune in to learn more.
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Katie says
October 13, 2017 at 1:37 pmThanks so much for this podcast. Perfect for me right now. Is there any way to get a complete copy of the text of this podcast? I do need to STUDY this forward and backward, every word.
Katie says
October 14, 2017 at 5:05 pmI would like to STUDY this podcast in much detail! Is there anyway I can get the written transcript of the entire podcast? Thank you!!
Jody Moore says
October 16, 2017 at 11:20 amHI Katie – So sorry I don’t have transcripts at this time.
ethanhull says
October 16, 2017 at 8:27 pmHi Jody! I just found your website per the healthy happy mom summit! I’m loving it all! Circumstances are neutral, my thoughts control how I feel…funny but so life changing for me! My kid’s moods no longer control me..lol, or my husband’s for that matter! Anyway I ordered the FHE lessons and haven’t received anything over email. I tried to login here to find them but I’m having trouble with the login page malfunctioning. Can you please advise me on how I can find them? Thanks again for all you life coaching!!
Stephanie
Jody Moore says
March 19, 2019 at 4:13 pmWelcome Stephanie. Sorry about the trouble accessing the lessons. Please email support@jodymoore.com and they will take care of you.
Janelle McCreary says
November 30, 2017 at 12:08 pmThis podcast was painful to hear. I went into it *knowing* I am the “one up” but found that there are certain areas where I am absolutely the “one down.” I appreciated the reminder that insecurity is unattractive. This is an area I’ll definitely try to work on. This podcast literally made me shudder at points as the big, red neon-lit GUILTY sign blinked above my head… My gosh do I have work to do!
Thank you so much for your ideas!
Jody Moore says
March 19, 2019 at 4:12 pmAwareness is powerful. I’m glad you got some of that. But shame is not necessary. You have a good reason for thinking the way you do. Let’s be curious about it. You’ll be much more successful changing it from that place.
Matt C. says
March 19, 2019 at 9:59 amI’m a man and for nearly 25 years of marriage, I’ve always struggled with this concept. I have more formalized education and have been the professional and provider in our home. I feel more confident about making sure a number of “things” (car purchases, home financing, investing, managing money, etc.) is where I’m one up. However, I feel like because she is the Mom I’m always in the one down position when it comes to parenting and my thoughts on parenting. We are LDS and in our relationship, I always and have always felt in the one down position. Why? because I make the mistakes – not her. I make the bad choices and struggle with the bad habits – not her. Therefore, our relationship feels like I’m constantly in a position of moral inferiority. She is more righteous. The ratio of my needing to apologize and seek forgiveness is so disproportionate it is unmeasurable. If my struggles and challenges are “worse sins” than hers, then how do I ever feel we can be equals. She is closer to God, closer to perfection, closer to righteousness. How could I ever feel equal?
Jody Moore says
March 19, 2019 at 4:11 pmHi Matt – Thanks for your question.
You’re assuming that someone who makes fewer “mistakes” or sins less is somehow better than someone who does not sin as much. But this is false. Nothing you do changes your value in relation to your wife or anyone else. It only changes the experience you are having. Shame and inadequacy are lies my friend. I give you permission to stop believing them. If you let that go, what would change in your life?