234. Your 2020 Focus

I’m Jody Moore and this is Better Than Happy, episode 234, Your 2020 Focus.

This podcast is for people who know that living an extraordinary life is not easy or comfortable. It’s so much better than that. This is Better Than Happy, and I’m your host, Jody Moore.

Hello everybody, welcome to 2020. First of all, welcome to a new year. What is happening? Did you know on Back to the Future when Marty McFly and his girlfriend Jennifer get in the DeLorean with Doc at the end of the movie, he was just come back from the future, he says, “Where we’re going, we don’t need wheels or we don’t need fuel,” or something like that.

Anyway, they go to the year 2020. Isn’t that crazy? I remember thinking like, that’s so far away. We’re going to have flying cars by then. We don’t have flying cars. We have iPhones instead, which I’m pretty happy about. At any rate, welcome to 2020. We made it to the future. Congratulations.

I’m going to talk to you about what you’re focusing on in 2020 on today’s episode because this is a concept that really has helped me to achieve some pretty amazing things in my life, not only in terms of my goals but even just in terms of the way I feel. And so I have some practices I’m going to offer to you today and just some things that you can do to get closer to your long-term goals, but also to feel more amazing right now today in your life.

So I know it’s New Year’s resolution time. I know everybody’s teaching goal setting, and I love all of that stuff but what I’m going to teach you is going to be a little bit different today. Before we dive into that, I have a couple of goodies to tell you about. Two things.

First of all, I created a podcast roadmap for you. When I say I created it, I feel a little ingenuine. I got to say, my designer, Deena Rutter, who’s amazing makes all my stuff look beautiful. She created it. I picked the episodes though.

And here’s the point of it. I said hey, there’s all these people that come along that find my podcast that are new. By the way, if you’re new, welcome. I’m so glad that you’re here. When I find a new podcast that has 224 episodes, I feel a little lost. I feel like, well, as much as I’d love to go back to episode number one and just listen from the beginning all the way through, I’m not sure that’s realistic. I’m not sure that’s going to happen. That’s a lot to listen to.

And so I created a roadmap specifically with you in mind if you’re new. These are the eight – I think there’s eight episodes on there that I recommend you listen to that will onboard you into everything I’m teaching here. Now, some of you want to go back and listen from the beginning and of course you’re more than welcome to. I’m never going to take any of them down.

But if you feel a little overwhelmed by that and you want something a little more bite-sized, listen to these eight episodes. So you want to go to jodymoore.com/map and you can get the podcast roadmap. And even if you’re not new here, you might want to get it because it’s beautiful, thanks to Deena Rutter, and it might be a good review to just go back on occasion and listen to these eight episodes and get yourself up to speed.

So totally free for you, really pretty pictures and colors and fonts because I like things that are pretty. You’re probably going to want it. Jodymoore.com/map. So go get it. Send it to your friends, whatever, it’s totally free.

The second thing I want to tell you about is that I’m coming to the Salt Lake City area to spend a day with you guys. I like to come on occasion. I call it Better Than Happy Live. I like to hang out with you live. Doesn’t need to just be a one-way conversation. It’s so much more rich and fun when it’s two-way.

And if any of you have been to Better Than Happy Live, you know how much fun we have there. People are always surprised at how funny I am. I’m like, what do you mean you were surprised? You listen to me every week. But I don’t think I’m very funny on the podcast. I think I’m much more funny in real life when I have other people to interact with and banter with.

And not only do we have fun and I’m a little bit funny, but we do some amazing deep coaching, and that is the real reason I’m coming. It’s not just to stand on a stage and talk in a mic. It’s because I want you to experience coaching. And I want you to experience it live because it is life-changing. I will tell you, any opportunity I have to go sit in a room all day and hear people get coached live, I am always all in.

So if you want to hang out with me and get coached or hear coaching, then you’re going to go to jodymoore.com/live and grab your ticket. And just know that when I come to Salt Lake City, it always sells out very quickly. So don’t delay or you’ll be sad.

Okay, so let’s talk about your 2020 focus now. What are you going to be focused on this year? I want you to think about it. If you want to set resolutions and goals, by all means, do it. I’m not opposed to any of that. But I want to recommend, and this might even for some of you take the place of a resolution or a goal, is that you just be a little bit mindful about what your focus is.

So if we think about it, what we look for is determined by what we tell our brains is relevant, or what our brains believe is relevant. Our brains have all sorts of ideas about what’s relevant. Our brains already think they know. You know what our brains think is relevant? Anything that could be dangerous, like anything physically dangerous that might harm us, which is very relevant, right? Thank you brain for knowing that.

Thank you for knowing that if there’s a fire, that’s very relevant and I need to stay away so that I don’t get injured or killed in that fire. That is for sure relevant. Now, your brain also thinks that a lot of emotional danger is relevant, which I kind of like too.

I know I have a tendency to always be pointing out that other people’s judgments are not dangerous, we don’t need to fear them. Like all of this emotional danger that we think exists is really largely made up and unnecessary. And that is true, but I want to also give some kudos to all of our brains because it’s not completely irrelevant.

We don’t want to get rid of it altogether is the truth because think about it. If we genuinely didn’t care about what other people think or whether or not they judge us, we would never wear clothes, right? We would just be walking around naked. Some people do. I am not there yet myself and that’s not really my goal.

I want to cover myself and wear clothes, even if it’s because I don’t think my body looks great naked. I’m okay with that. So we don’t need to get rid of that part of our brains altogether. Thanks, brain, for being on the lookout for me so that I don’t feel humiliated or embarrassed or rejected. I do want to avoid those things when possible. This is all relevant.

Now, your brain doesn’t just think negative things are relevant. Your brain thinks that your name is relevant, for example. This is why if you’re walking through the airport and you hear your name on the loudspeaker, you stop and go wait, what? Because your name is relevant to you and there are lots of other things that may be relevant. Things that maybe make you unique or individual, like being a member of the church.

Have you ever had this experience where you’re watching a movie or a TV show and they say something about a Mormon, and you’re like, what did they say? Because that’s relevant, because that’s a part of who I am. It’s part of my identity. So I pay attention to things like that.

So your brain focuses on and sort of filters out things that aren’t relevant, but it brings into your line of sight and your focus things that it thinks are relevant. So again, thanks brain. We have these really, really amazing brains. And a simple, easy way to say this is that the eye sees what the mind looks for.

I love seeing examples of how my brain works, just in everyday life. I was thinking back to a time in college when my girlfriends and I were trying to find a house to rent. We’d lived in the dorms, we’d lived in apartments, and we decided we wanted to rent a house.

And so we were on the lookout for houses to rent, and so we started noticing everywhere we went, any time there was a for rent sign. And once we found the place we were going to rent, I noticed that I kept noticing for rent signs everywhere I went, even though I was already settled. I didn’t need a place to rent anymore. My brain was so conditioned now after having told it it’s really relevant to look for places for rent, it believed that was relevant and it brought that into my line of sight or focus.

So this is how the brain works. Now, I don’t really notice for rent signs anymore because that was many years ago, and so my brain sort of dropped that our of relevancy. This is the amazing neuroplasticity that our brains have. But my point is that what we think is relevant, what we tell ourselves is relevant, our brains are going to zone in on and invite into our lives.

I also noticed this with landscaping. So my husband and I, we’re late bloomers. We just put in a yard, I don’t know, in the last year or two for the first time in our adult lives, in our mid-40s. And suddenly, it was like oh wait, we need to choose which plants and bushes and trees are going to go in the yard. What? Oh yeah, I guess somebody has to make those decisions, right?

I never really thought about it before. I’d never really paid attention to landscaping until I was suddenly faced with a decision about what to put in the yard. And I started driving around the neighborhood and noticing oh, that’s what those people have in their yard and this is what they picked for their yard and oh, I really like what they picked. All of a sudden, landscaping, plants, bushes, trees became relevant to me. I had never really paid attention to them – not that closely – before.

So again, this is what our brains do. Now, this is important because the things we focus on not only become part of our experience throughout our day, but we also grow and enhance and invite more of those things that we’re focused on. So this is what some people refer to as the law of attraction.

The law of attraction says that we operate on a certain frequency, similar to a radio. So if you tune your radio dial to a certain frequency, it’s going to pick up whatever’s coming through the waves at that frequency, and that’s what you’re going to hear. And many people teach and believe that this is how we operate as human beings. That we think about certain things and we operate at the frequency of our thoughts and our emotions. It actually has a lot more to do with emotions, but the two are definitely connected. And we invite more of that into our lives.

Now, some people struggle with the law of attraction because it sounds kind of mystical and woo-woo. I don’t think that it is mystical and woo-woo at all. I do think that it’s how we operate as human beings. I think that even in subtle ways, our behaviors change to align and create the story that we’re believing.

So it’s important to notice what you’re focusing on because that is what you’re creating ultimately in your life. And this is, as you guys know who are in my coaching program, Be Bold, this is the power of the model that we look at over and over again is we get to see how we’re creating it. Not just that it’s this mysterious thing.

So here is what we want to consider then. I don’t want you to first of all use this information to freak yourself out because you know what happens to human beings in my experience anyway is that we all have some crazy thoughts about crazy things. Do you ever wake up panicked, like what if something terrible happened to one of my children? What if they got a terminal illness or they got kidnapped or something horrible happened? Or what if something horrible happens to me? Or what if I did a crazy thing like drive off that bridge or jump off this cliff?

We all have some kind of random crazy thoughts on occasion, y’all. So I don’t want you to see a thought like that come up and freak out and think, oh no, now that’s going to happen in my life. That’s not what I’m saying at all. That’s not how this works. We have those thoughts, we can notice them, we can know that they’re illogical and just sort of let them float by.

What I’m talking about are the things that you focus on on a regular basis. The things that you dive into, the things that you really truly believe are truths and are again, relevant to your life. So here’s what’s interesting. We can focus on what’s wrong or we can focus on its opposite. Those are our choices.

So it’s not to say that we want to stop believing that certain things are bad or tragic or wrong, but if that’s what our focus is on is how terrible this is and how this shouldn’t be happening and how unfair and unright and all those other things that are brains tell us, if that’s our focus and we try to take action from that place, we’re going to get one result.

Or we can focus on the opposite of that thing, the thing that’s probably more in control, the thing that’s going to be, we might even say a little more positive, that might counteract the negative. So let me give you an example. Maybe I have kids who are vaping, let’s just say. I have middle schoolers right now who as far as I know, are not vaping, but I guess a lot of middle schoolers are, so it’s a possibility.

So let’s say I have kids who are vaping. I can be really freaked out about that and focused on how that’s terrible and wrong and I can start then – what my brain’s going to pick up on is articles about vape and how bad it is for you and how people are dying from it. Now they’re recommending that you smoke in order to stop vaping, which I think is super ironic.

I can focus on what’s wrong with my child and how they lied to me and they are dishonest and they’re sneaky. I can focus on all these things that are terrible, or I can shift my focus to the kind of mother that I want to be. Like, who do I want to be in this situation? How do I want to teach my kid? How do I want to show up for my kid? How do I want to show love and hold my child accountable?

And in what way do I want to let them make mistakes and learn some things the hard way, and in what ways do I want to sort of jump in and have consequences and things like that? Because if I could tell you how to completely control them, I would. We can’t do that. But we might be able to manipulate their behavior to a certain extent. Where do I want to do that versus where do I want to allow them to learn some things on their own?

And how do I keep loving them in the meantime, and how do I think about them positively? So notice the focus could be on the problem or the focus could be on the solution to the problem. I know this sounds like a subtle shift. I’m telling you it’s not very subtle. It’s actually huge. It’s a huge difference.

You think about philanthropists who are doing amazing work in the world. Like I just read Melinda Gates’ book about all the good that she and Bill, her husband, have done with their foundation. If they’re out there trying to do that work from stress and anxiety and despair about all the problems that there are in the world, that’s going to be very exhausting. They have to do that work from empowerment and confidence and from the belief that I can contribute some good. I can help in this way.

It’s a totally different way to go about it. And again, if we go back to the idea that what we focus on will grow, then focusing on the problem isn’t going to be useful. We want to focus on a solution. We want to focus on the flip side of the problem.

Now, I want to demonstrate this in another way too. I want to talk about the experience that you’re having right now in your life and in the world. It is dependent on your focus. It’s dependent on the lens through which you’re viewing yourself and your life and the world.

So I want you to imagine that we go to a restaurant and I say to you, “Oh, we’re going to go to this restaurant. The food is so-so. It’s not great. But the ambiance is amazing and the service is so good. The staff is so friendly and it just feels so good to be there. Maybe it’s got a beautiful view. And so we’re going to go there and the food will just be so-so.”

Guess what your experience of that restaurant will probably be. You’ll probably start noticing all the things you love about the ambiance and the staff, and you’ll also probably find some things to dislike about the food. That’s just how we do. Unless you think that my opinion is not very trustworthy, then you’re maybe going to be looking for the opposite.

But if you trust me then I’m going to sort of create that experience for you. Or the opposite could be true. I could go to the exact same restaurant, but if I say to you, “Oh my gosh, the food is amazing. The service is not great. It’s so-so, and the environment is just okay but the food is so good,” guess what happens?

Suddenly that food tastes so amazing to you because you experience it differently. We literally create the thoughts that we believe are true for ourselves. So how do we shift our focus? How do we focus on things that are useful?

Well again, as you go to set your 2020 goals, I want you to think about the idea that there are goals and then there is the focus by which you pursue your goal. So I’m not saying we have to throw goals out altogether, but let’s just say you have a goal to lose 50 pounds this year. Set that goal if you want to. I’m all in.

Then I want you to sort of set the goal on a shelf and I want you to now think about what you’re going to focus on. Because if you don’t do this, you’ll probably go about it the same way you always have that hasn’t worked, which is dieting and restriction and deprivation and willpower and struggle. Might work temporarily, probably doesn’t work in the long run.

But if you decide in 2020 I’m going to focus on loving my body, I’m going to focus on getting more in touch with my body, learning how to live in my entire body, not just in the attic or the head space of my body, how to feel my body, how to feel all of my emotions, how to feel hunger, how to feel fullness, and I’m going to honor that body of mine, because that body will tell me when I’m hungry and it will tell me when I’m full.

And it will also tell me this food feels good to process and it energizes me and this food, even though it might have tasted good, feels pretty terrible and I feel lethargic and sick after eating it. So if the focus is on loving and honoring my body, it’s a great way for me to get to my goal of losing weight. Most people are not going about it that way.

Maybe my goal is to make $100,000 in my business. Now, if I just set the goal and then I go to work of how am I going to do that, we’re sort of missing the point of the focus. What are you going to focus on that feels inspiring and loving and peaceful and trusting that will likely get you to your goal of 100K?

Maybe your focus is going to be on enhancing as many people’s lives as possible. On up-leveling people’s wellbeing in whatever way that you do that in your business. Maybe it’s to make more of an impact. Maybe it’s to up-level the things that you’re offering. The programs, your services, your products. Maybe it’s to up-level yourself as an entrepreneur or business owner or technician in whatever way that you are in your business.

Those kinds of focuses will likely lead to your goal of making more money, right? But it’s a different focus than just okay, 100K, let’s go get it. Maybe you want to exercise more. So I decided – I’m just going to put it out on the podcast now. I really have to live up to it. So I’m a runner. I used to run marathons. I ran two full marathons in my day.

Now, that was sort of in another lifetime, like, before I had kids that I ran those two marathons. But I’ve always actually really enjoyed running. I know it’s crazy but I enjoy running. I feel good when I get some exercise. I’m kind of a cardio junkie. I’m one of those people that lifting weights is really good for me. My body responds really well to it but I don’t enjoy it. I love cardio though. I could go to a cardio class or jog and feel really good.

So lately I haven’t made a lot of time for running. So I decided what if in 2020, I just commit to running one mile a day, five days a week. I was going to say every day but then I don’t really want to do that on the Sabbath day. And I thought, I need a little bit of wiggle room, so I’m going to say five days a week I’m going to run one mile.

One mile doesn’t feel like that much to me. It’s actually not hard for me to do, although it is hard for me to do. What’s hard for me is getting my clothes on and just getting out the door or getting on the treadmill and just doing it. So that’s my goal. One mile a day, five days a week.

Now, my focus is going to be not just like, okay, let’s do it. My focus is going to be on feeling strong and healthy. On viewing myself as a person who is active and healthy and has a routine where I fit in my mile jog no matter what, even if it’s late at night and I’m tired. Before I go to bed, I get on my treadmill or I go outside and I run my mile.

So that’s the focus. I’m a strong, healthy, active person, and it’s on viewing myself that way. Okay, so I have one other exercise that I’m going to offer to you that really helps with this. So if you want to get good at choosing your focus, I want you to practice redirecting your mind.

This is something I like to do on occasion. Often, I do it in my car. I don’t know why. This is just sort of when I think to do it. I’m driving down the street and I just decide for the next two minutes, I’m just going to notice positive. That’s it.

So I’m driving down the road. So this is what happened the other day. It had snowed and then it was sort of starting to rain. So you know how the snow sort of gets washed off the street and it ends up looking pretty dirty on the side of the road and it’s sort of sprayed everywhere. But I was driving along and I was like, look at how the street is like, glowing, because it was wet.

It sort of looked like it was glowing. I was like, it’s so beautiful. And the snow fades from white on the grass and on the sides of the road into grey and then into black like a perfect ombre. It’s kind of cool actually how perfectly that fades from really dark snow to white snow. Like beautiful ombre hair.

I was like, it really is pretty. And then I looked over at the side of the road and I noticed a man and a woman walking together and I noticed them laughing and looking like they were enjoying each other’s company. I’m like, that’s nice. There’s nice people in this town and those people love each other and they’re having a good day.

Like literally, these are the little things that I pick out. I sometimes will be like, look at these trees. Somebody planted these trees. They must have planted them at least 10 years ago based on the size of the tree. Somebody took the time to plant a tree here. Thanks person 10 years ago who did that because now we get to enjoy this tree.

So this is what I’m talking about. It’s not natural for our brains to pay attention to all these little things because remember, they’re not relevant to us. We tune it all out. But if you want to have just a few moments of gratitude and joy and peace, you can practice doing this and the beauty of it is it’s a practice in redirecting your brain.

Not only do you get to feel good in those moments, but you’re enhancing the skill of choosing what you’re going to focus on and directing your brain to what you want that will serve you. Alright, here’s my 2020 focus in my business. My focus is I have a lot to offer. I really do believe this.

I think I have amazing tools. I’ve been fortunate to learn amazing things and I have a lot of experience, and I have a lot to offer and I want to get it out to more people. I feel really passionate about helping our missionaries who are struggling because they don’t know how to feel emotions or where emotions come from.

The ones in the MTC, the ones who haven’t gone out yet, the ones who are in the field, I kind of want to help them. I want to help our youth and our teenagers. I’m going to help a lot of other people. I’m going to keep running Be Bold and helping all of you in there, but I feel like that’s my focus for 2020. I have a lot to offer and it’s pretty exciting to me to think about how I can get it out there and help more people.

Alright you guys, thanks for joining me today. Have a beautiful, amazing rest of your week and I will see you next time. Take care.

If you have a question about something you’ve heard me talk about on this podcast or anything else going on in your life, I want to invite you to a free public call, Ask Jody Anything. I will teach you the main coaching tool I use with all of my clients and the way to solve any problem in your life, and we will plug in real life examples.

Come to the call and ask me a question anonymously or just listen in. Go to jodymoore.com/askjody and register before you miss it. I’ll see you there.