Love. It’s the only emotion that has it’s own holiday and it’s responsible for the best and worst music on the planet. Am I right? It’s truly a complicated and fascinating emotion and so in honor of the month of February, I want to share a slight twist on how you might think about love.
If you want to feel the most amazing feeling on the planet, choose love.
It’s the best one. Even when it’s followed by pain, love is worth it and it’s something you get to feel when you choose it.
Think about the last time you were really mad at someone. Maybe you felt hate, frustration, disappointment or anger. It didn’t feel very good did it. The worst part about anger is that the person you were mad at wasn’t feeling it. You were. You created it in your mind and you felt it in your body.
Your feelings of anger don’t hurt other people, they hurt you.
Think, for example, about how often people get angry with politicians. If the politician felt it when people hated him or her, they’d be in big trouble, but they don’t. Only the unhappy person does.
The same is true with love but this time it’s a wonderful feeling and you get to feel it.
Perhaps you’re looking at your life and it involves people who are difficult to love.
If so, then today I am giving you permission to love them anyway. For YOUR benefit. It’s within your power and you deserve it.
Here’s what I mean:
My brilliant teacher, mentor and friend Brooke Castillo recently spoke at a conference about the work she does in helping people function at their best. Afterwards, a gentleman from the audience introduced himself and explained that his wife had been unfaithful to him, their marriage was over and he was heartbroken and hurt. He felt betrayed and angry and he was tired of feeling that way.
Brooke asked him how he wanted to feel about his wife, and he said that he really wanted to continue to love her. Then, she told him that he could if he wanted. Nothing his wife could do, could stop him from loving her if that was what he wanted. It was entirely up to him and within his ability to do so. If he wanted to give himself the gift of loving her, he could and should.
He looked at her with surprise and relief and said that it had never occurred to him that it was ok to love her, regardless of her behavior. Nobody else had ever suggested that was appropriate, but it was exactly what he wanted to do.
His ex-wife doesn’t have to be part of the equation and he doesn’t have to carry around anger. What a beautiful thing that is. It takes someone who is willing to do the work and learn the skill of getting to a loving place, but it’s available to anyone and I recommend it as the very best way to live.
If you want to feel more love in your life, start by giving yourself permission.
It doesn’t mean you have to approve of the other persons’ behavior.
It also doesn’t mean you are not going to set boundaries, make requests or communicate with the people in your life. But when you do these things from a place of love, you’ll have your most effective conversations and create true connections. Better yet, you’ll allow people to be who they are and you’ll still get to feel the best feeling on the planet: love.
Want help figuring out how to love someone difficult in your life? Join my membership group to learn how to apply this to your life!
Have a fantastic week!
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