508. When You’re Afraid to Leap: A Coaching Session

You know that feeling? You’re about to do something epic, something you want to do or have or create in your life. You’ve even been planning for it and thinking about it. And now all the resistance and all the fear is facing you and it’s loud. You’re about to launch your course in your business, or you’re about to marry that person that you’ve been engaged to, or you’re about to sign up for a program or take on something new and exciting.

Those voices of fear and resistance are not because you’re headed the wrong direction, and they’re not because there’s anything wrong with you. It’s because you’re a human being having a human experience. But we don’t want to let those things sabotage our best life.

So, this is Better Than Happy, episode 508: When You’re Afraid to Leap: A coaching session with me, Jody Moore and a client. Here we go.

Welcome to Better Than Happy, the podcast where we transform our lives by transforming ourselves. My name is Jody Moore. In the decade-plus I’ve been working with clients as a Master Certified Coach, I’ve helped tens of thousands of people to become empowered. And from empowered, the things that seemed hard become trivial, and the things that seemed impossible become available, and suddenly, a whole new world of desire and possibility open up to you. And what do you do with that? Well, that’s the question… what will you do? Let’s find out.

Sometimes, listening to a podcast is enough. But sometimes, you’ll feel inspired to go deeper. If you hear things that speak to you in today’s episode, consider it your invitation to a complimentary coaching workshop.

On this live, interactive Zoom call with me, you’ll get a taste of the power of this work when applied in real life. You can participate, or be a silent observer. But you have to take a step if you want to truly see change in your life… two steps, actually. Head to JodyMoore.com/freecoaching and register. Then you just have to show up. Your best life is waiting for you. Will you show up for it? JodyMoore.com/freecoaching. I’ll see you there.

Hey everybody. I got a coaching session for you today that is going to be so helpful if you’re trying to do something big that’s kind of scary, or you know you will at some point, and you know what’s going to come up that’s going to try to sabotage you. It’s your lovely brain, which is not trying to sabotage you by the way, it’s trying to protect you. But we need to be able to manage this part of our brains to have rational, compassionate, understanding conversations with these part of our brains so that they don’t prevent us from living our best lives.

Today’s coaching session comes from one of my entrepreneur or business coaching calls, which we do a lot of in my program. I love working with coaches, course creators, teachers. And today’s is a beautiful dietitian who has a new course she’s ready to launch, but she’s feeling all the feelings. Make sure you listen because after the coaching session, I’m going to break down for you the main takeaways that I hope you get from it and why I’m coaching her the way I am, and why it might be a little bit different for you because you’ll have some different answers to the questions I would have asked, or that I did ask, excuse me, to this woman. So, make sure you listen all the way to the end, so you don’t miss that part. Let’s do this.

Oh, hi Jody, how are you doing?

Caller: Good. I’m so good. Thank you for pulling on me. I’m excited to talk to you.

Jody Moore: Oh good. I’m excited. What’s happening? Tell me about your business.

Caller: Okay. So I am a dietitian and I started kind of a private practice. Yep. Well, I’m in the process of starting one. I’m working on creating an online course for just creating healthy habits in our life.

Jody Moore: Okay.

Caller: And I’ve been working on it for a year and a half. Uh-huh. I’m finally almost done. I’m like days away from being finished with it. And yay. I’m excited, but my mind is going crazy with thoughts of just self doubt and it keeps telling me, “Oh, you’ve wasted the last year and a half, nobody’s gonna buy this.” I don’t, it’s just going nuts. And so, yeah. Sometimes I can settle it down. You know, I know it’s just getting out of the cave and it’s kind of scary putting myself out there, but.

So what’s happening is I’m ready to start promoting it and launching it, but I’m worried I’m going into it with this mindset and this kind of fear. And it’s a, it’s a topic I’m so passionate about. It’s about, you know, healthy habits, but from a weight neutral perspective and taking the focus off of body size and, you know, I really love all the work that you do with loving your body, no matter the size and things. So it’s got that aspect to it. So I, I’m super passionate about the topic. I think it could help a ton of people, but my brain is just shutting me down every time I try to think those thoughts.

Jody Moore: That’s what the brain does.

Caller: I know. It’s so frustrating. How do I get it back? Because at the beginning, you know, it’s been so long. At the beginning I was so excited and passionate and just jumping in. And I think because it’s been so long and because I’m so close to launching, then like I’ve lost a little bit of that fire. I don’t know.

Jody Moore: Okay. Well, I don’t think we have to totally get rid of that voice. I just want you to be able to manage that voice. Okay? We want you like operating from useful emotions when you go to launch and sell and all of that, right?

Caller: Yes.

Jody Moore: So, let’s just dive into it a little bit. What are we really afraid of? What are we worried might happen?

Caller: Afraid nobody will buy it. I’m afraid they will buy it and they won’t like it. I’m afraid it won’t actually help people the way I’m thinking and hoping it will.

Jody Moore: Okay. So let’s pause there for a minute. I’m gonna write them down. Nobody will buy it. They’ll buy it and not like it? Is that what we said?

Caller: Uh-huh. Or it won’t help them. Yeah, like, like I’m hoping it will.

Jody Moore: Okay. So tell me about your, your situation so far. Do you have an email list or anything? Who are we selling this to?

Caller: No, that’s the thing is I’ve kind of put all my energy into creating and I have just kind of some friends and family doing it right now to kind of just edit, you know, doing some editing and stuff. But no, I’m like starting from scratch.

Jody Moore: Okay.

Caller: So that’s a little overwhelming as well.

Jody Moore: Okay, we don’t have a social media platform or anything?

Caller: I mean, I’ve got an Instagram, but I haven’t like been really doing stuff on it or pushing it at all. So.

Jody Moore: Okay. And what are, what is our plan for promoting it, marketing and selling it? Do you have a plan?

Caller: Oh, I’ve got all sorts of different people I’ve subscribed to and marketers I’ve been listening to. But right now, like I said, I’m kind of tunnel vision because I’ve kind of tried going there, like doing both and it’s just felt like I needed to finish it and then I could kind of go full swing into all that. So eventually. I guess my concern is it takes, you know, years, but.

Jody Moore: No, not necessarily. But here’s the thing. When our brain’s like, what if nobody buys it? The answer to that is, well then I’ll need to go find more people to sell it to. The only reason somebody wouldn’t buy it is if I didn’t sell it. If I didn’t put it in front of enough people and explain the value and make it compelling, then yeah, no one will buy it. But then I’ll just go find more people again and I’ll figure out how to get better at selling it until people buy it.

When the brain says, what if nobody buys it? We act like we’re just going to be sitting there waiting to see what happens. Right. Which is a good way, which is what some people do actually. And it is a good way to get no one to buy your stuff. Right. They’re like, I don’t know, I’m putting content out and nobody’s buying it. And I’m like, well, are you driving traffic to your content? Oh then that’s why nobody’s buying. Right? Yeah. So that’s how you answer that part of the brain when it says, what if nobody buys it? Well, then I’ll keep marketing and keep selling until people buy it.

Caller: I can wrap my head around that pretty easily.

Jody Moore: Right? Yeah.

Caller: Probably the what if it doesn’t help people that’s the harder.

Jody Moore: Okay, let’s take that one.

Caller: Okay.

Jody Moore: So, let’s say 100 people purchase your course. Okay? What is it supposed to help them do exactly? I know you told me it’s like nutrition and.

Caller: Yeah, it’s the science of behavior modification, just incorporating healthy habits into their life, all sorts of.

Jody Moore: So if I buy your course, then the goal is that by the end, I have healthier habits around food and nutrition. Yeah?

Caller: Right.

Jody Moore: That’s why I would buy it maybe.

Caller: And and to also get off the diet rollercoaster and love your body and things like that. It’s kind of a.

Jody Moore: Okay. Help. So I’d have a healthier relationship with myself, my body, food, all of that. Yeah?

Caller: Okay.

Jody Moore: So, if 100 people go through your course, how many of them, Jenna, do we think will get to that ideal, like if top of the mountain, and some of them will be partway up the mountain, but like top of the mountain is like, I am feel like a new person. I love my body. I understand my relationship with food, healthy habits. How many of 100?

Caller: I mean, I hope all 100 because that’s why I created it.

Jody Moore: No. 100 are for sure not going to make it to the top of the mountain. I know. So. Oh yeah, good job. Go eat them. For sure not.

Caller: I know. So I don’t know.

Jody Moore: Why is that?

Caller: Well, it’s because it’s in their hand. I mean, I can only do so much. It’s up to them if they want to actually incorporate the.

Jody Moore: Yes.

Caller: The tips and everything and do it.

Jody Moore: 100%. Your program could be the best program ever created on that topic. And there’s no way ever that 100 out of 100 people would get there.

Caller: Yeah. So I guess that’s why my brain’s having a hard time.

Jody Moore: Your program is their circumstance. It’s not going to create their result.

Caller: Okay. Then my brain says, well then why did I spend all this time creating it if it’s, you know, if people aren’t actually going to.

Jody Moore: Which is a good question. Why did you do it?

Caller: Because I want to help people.

Jody Moore: Because out of 100, maybe 20 of them will.

Caller: Yeah.

Jody Moore: We did it for everyone because even the 80 that don’t, it’s a step necessary in their journey and some of them will keep going and they’ll get there eventually, either through your program or another program. They have to go through their own journey. And who are we to say ours should be the one that gets everyone to the, no. It’s not going to be the one. Some of them will buy it, but they’re not ready. But that’s okay.

They still need to go through it to learn that they weren’t ready or to they’ll accidentally pick up a little nugget that will serve them somewhere or they’ll fail and they’ll learn something from that failure. Like none of that is any of our business. And then there’s those 20 out of the 100 that are going to get there. And if you hadn’t created that course, what a shame. Yours was the one for those 20. But there will always be 80 out of 100 that don’t.

Caller: And I just need to be okay with that. Or I just need to plan on it maybe and.

Jody Moore: Well, so you’re making, if we look at the model, right? If we say the person, the client or customer, whatever we want to call them, developed healthy eating habits is the end result we’re trying to achieve. That client’s result is a circumstance in your model. So when you say I just need to be okay with that, what that tells me is that you think them not getting there is negative.

Caller: Yeah.

Jody Moore: How many people do you think come through Be Bold that don’t get whatever result they came here for? How many people watch my weight loss videos and don’t lose weight? How many people have watched all my entrepreneur videos and haven’t made more money?

Caller: Yeah, I don’t know.

Jody Moore: Probably 80%. I don’t think that’s negative. I don’t have to go, I guess I’ll just try to be okay with that. I’m just like, of course. Because you know how many courses I’ve watched that I didn’t actually figure out how to implement as fully as I wanted to? A lot. Would I go back and say I wish I hadn’t have learned that? No, I had to learn that. That was part of my journey. I had to go through that course first. I don’t have any judgment of my clients who don’t implement what I give them. I don’t have to force myself to think positive about it. I just get, I’m like, yeah, I get it. Sometimes I learn things that I’m like, that makes a lot of sense, but I cannot get myself to do it.

Caller: Yeah, I like that.

Jody Moore: See what I mean? Like, them not getting to the top of the mountain isn’t a negative thing that you have to try to think positive about. It just is the reality of how we operate as human beings.

Caller: Right.

Jody Moore: So when your brain’s like, what if they don’t like it? What if it doesn’t help? Yep, it won’t help some of them. Some of them actually won’t even like it. They’ll be like, I don’t, I don’t think this is very good. Probably not many, but you’ll get a couple.

Caller: Right. Yeah, I can deal with a couple. It’s if everybody says that or the majority.

Jody Moore: What if everybody likes it? What if the majority of the people are like, there’s a problem here. This is missing or I don’t like this. Then what?

Caller: Like I said, my brain says, oh you just wasted a year and a half of hard work and research and dedication and.

Jody Moore: Really?

Caller: So…

Jody Moore: Might as well dig a grave and climb in it if that happens. We’re dead now.

Caller: No, but just, I mean, I guess, you know, the other part of my brain says, well, like I’ve learned a lot and I’ve grown a lot and, you know, that was probably worth it just for my own sake. But yeah, just enough.

Jody Moore: But listen, let’s say you get a whole bunch of people saying, I was really confused at this part in the program. I didn’t know how to implement it and so I didn’t like it. What else could we do besides just think positive about it?

Caller: Well, that’s fine. Yeah, I’m all about continuing to modify it and.

Jody Moore: Then you’d go, hey, guess what everyone? I realized there’s a gap. So I’m creating another thing or I’m having some live calls or I’m, I just have this tool and you’ll just go fix it.

Caller: Yeah.

Jody Moore: Like, do you see how your brain?

Caller: Why it’s making it such a big deal.

Jody Moore: Like, what if people don’t like it? I’m like, well, then I’ll figure out what they don’t like about it and I’ll fix it.

Caller: Yeah.

Jody Moore: That’s what I answer my brain. Not like, then I will have wasted a year and a half. You’re like, well, then I’ll know what was missing that I couldn’t have possibly seen was missing until I put it out there and had people go through it.

Caller: Yeah.

Jody Moore: Now I can add that piece.

Caller: Yeah. So just bringing that piece and but I’m trying to like get that energy back too, going into, you know, I’m going to be doing having to do, this is another part. I don’t want to do live, I’m just scared to do live things because I’ve kind of been like in my little safe bubble where I can like re-record if I need to. And now I’ve got to do live webinars or I I want to, I shouldn’t say I have to. I want to do live webinars and things to promote it. And so I’m just worried that that piece is going to come in that self doubt and show through and I’m not going to get that passion like how great I think the course really is if that self doubt is keep kind of nagging at me.

Jody Moore: Well, that’s why I said, it’s not ever going to go, for me it doesn’t ever go away. Okay. I still have it. Every time I launch something new my brain’s like, probably no one’s going to buy it and people are going to hate it and they’re going to want their money back and like all of that. It still just comes up. I just know how to answer it. Like, relax brain, it’s fine. Okay.

If there’s a problem once we get going, then I’ll figure out how to solve that problem. Like if nobody’s buying it, then I have a marketing or a sales problem and so I’ll go figure out how to solve the marketing and sales problem. If people buy it and they’re really upset and they don’t think they got their value, then I’ll figure out why and then I’ll go fix that and solve for that. Right now, brain, no problems. Okay? So then once I answer it that way, then I shift my head away from thinking about me and I start thinking about who I’m trying to help.

So I want you to think about the woman who is struggling to get her head right around herself and her body and her food. And she needs to know what you have to offer. She’s not a certified nutritionist. She doesn’t know all the things you know. And can we just go help her?

Caller: I like that.

Jody Moore: And when you go to do your first live, you’re before you get on that call, you’re going to think about her. And you’re going to picture her. And she’s at home and she has her webcam turned off because she’s embarrassed. She thinks there’s something wrong with her. And you’re just going to talk to her.

Caller: You’re going to make me cry.

Jody Moore: And that’s how you’re going to help so many people. And any kind of marketing or sales problem or customer service problem, we can solve that down the road. But meanwhile, those people need your help. Yeah?

Caller: Yeah.

Jody Moore: Yes. Keep her in mind when you get on that call.

Caller: Okay. Thank you.

Jody Moore: I’m so excited for your program. It’s gonna be awesome.

Caller: Thank you. I appreciate you.

Jody Moore: Okay. You too. Oh my gosh. How much love do you feel for that woman right now? I have the best job ever because I just get to fall in love with people all day long.

Okay. Also, how much can you relate to what she’s going through there with her experience? So, I want to speak to this phenomenon that happens a lot of times right before, again, we take some kind of big action. Like for this woman, it’s launching her course as a dietitian. Maybe it’s getting married, maybe it’s deciding to have a baby, whatever.

We go to make these big changes and there’s part of our brains that understands, because we have some life experience, that there are potential dangers ahead, or at least our brain believes there are potential dangers ahead. There are things like big changes. There are a lot of unknowns. The brain hates the unknown, right? And in this particular client’s case, there is the potential for things not to go how in her mind she hopes they will play out. And I think she’s wise enough, as we usually are, to know that things won’t just be smooth sailing. There will be complications, there will be things to figure out.

And so it’s perfectly normal. Remember the motivational triad that says, seek pleasure, avoid pain, save energy. Launching a brand new course that you just spent a whole bunch of time creating goes against all three of those things. Right? It’s not super easy. It’s not easy at all, actually. She still has a bunch of marketing and sales stuff to figure out and learn, and she knows that. There might be people dissatisfied, there might be problems and challenges along the way.

All of that sounds difficult and painful. And so a part of her brain is just trying to stop it because that part of your brain is really only concerned with basic survival. It is not concerned with you living a big extraordinary life. It’s like, why do we need to launch this course? We’re perfectly fine right now. We’re alive. We’re healthy. We feel pretty good. Why are we doing any of this? Okay?

And so the answer, notice, we discover as we go throughout this coaching session. And the answer is often hard to articulate. It’s just some kind of desire or passion or drive that we have within us, which is kind of a beautiful thing. Okay? So it’s natural, normal to feel this way. I cannot emphasize that enough because so many people when they start feeling this way, take it as a sign that they’ve gone the wrong direction. And it might mean you’ve gone the wrong direction. We can always explore that too. But usually it doesn’t. Usually it means you’re about to do something big and new and I’m kind of freaked out. Completely normal. Right?

Okay. So, notice where I begin with this woman is I ask her, what are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? Now, when you go to coach yourself, and by the way, quick reminder, these coaching sessions and the reason I dissect them is not so that you can start coaching all the people around you. It’s so that you can coach yourself. Okay? Just for the record. Just want to say that out loud. Okay. The people around you don’t want to be coached, by the way. Coach yourself. Okay?

So, the reason I ask her what are you afraid of and and when you decide to coach yourself on this, I want you to ask it with genuine curiosity and openness. I’m not saying it in a condescending like, what are you afraid of anyway? I don’t mean it as a rhetorical question. I don’t mean it in a sarcastic or condescending way. I genuinely wanted to know what she was afraid of.

And if she wouldn’t have told me, I would have asked it again and I would have tried to do a better job of coming from the right energy that I really intended, which is genuinely, what are we afraid of? Let’s understand it. Because remember, this motivational triad part of us is sort of childlike. We have to be delicate with it and go, okay honey, it’s okay. What are you afraid of? Tell me what you’re afraid of. What are you concerned about? Right?

And then her brain came up with two things to begin with. There were more that came up later. We’ll talk about that in a minute. But the first two things she talked about was, what if nobody buys it, right? And or what if people don’t like it? They buy it and they don’t like it is how she said it. Okay? So, the reason I explore a little more is because I wanted to be able to have a conversation with this part of her brain. A logical, rational conversation. We’re not just going to shut it down and go, you shouldn’t worry about that. Don’t worry about that. No, no, no, no. We’re going to have a logical conversation because I want to show her brain that it’s okay.

So we start first with whether or not people will buy it, right? And she talks about that she needs to learn a little bit more about sales and marketing and create a plan, but she sounds pretty confident that she’ll be able to do that. She’s in my program where I teach all that. She knows I’ll help her with that. It sounds like she has other teachers and things she’s been following and learning from as well. And so I sense in her that she is empowered around, I will figure that out. I just haven’t figured it out yet.

But I did offer her this thought that if nobody buys it, we just have a marketing problem or a sales problem. Because that makes it, for me anyway, sound much more figureoutable. Like, okay, I need to go figure out the marketing problem. I need to figure out the sales problem. I need to try different things. I need to go sell it. It puts the power in my hands. It puts me in the driver’s seat of creating the result I want, which is finding people who want this course and offering it to them and selling it to them rather than like, I’m going to put this thing out there and then cross my fingers and close my eyes really tight and hope that people come and buy it.

That isn’t how most businesses run, you guys. It’s not ever how I’ve been able to achieve success in my business. It’s not how everybody I know achieves success in their businesses. At least until you get to a certain point and then you take a branding approach at which you are drawing people in in a more kind of magnetic type of way. But that usually requires a lot of time, a lot of resources, a lot of money, etc. That’s not how most of us are doing business. We’re going out and finding the people that want our help and helping them. And that’s called marketing, by the way, helping people who want your help for free. And then you’re making them an offer to come and get more help and that’s called sales. It’s very simple. It’s very fun actually. I love doing it. I feel like I’m serving the world when I do this.

So, at any rate, we’re having a rational conversation, right? What if nobody buys it? Well, then I have a marketing or a sales problem. Okay, good to know. Her next challenge that she brings up, right? What if people don’t like it? So, this is really important for all of you who are coaches or teachers or you have some other kind of service-based business. I want to offer this to you. It’s really important to understand. Remember I asked her the question, like if you have 100 people buy this course, how many of those 100 are going to achieve the ultimate result that we want for them?

And her initial answer was, all 100 of them hopefully. Which sounds like a lovely thought, doesn’t it? It’s poison for her. It’s freaking her out because if she does have a program that 100 out of 100 people can succeed at, I’m thrilled, but I’ve never seen that happen ever in the history of ever. It’s just not real. There are too many factors outside of her control.

I’m not saying we don’t want to do our diligence to create a course that people can succeed at and have a process and a program that’s proven and tested and all of that. I we you can do all of that and you’re still not going to have a 100% success rate because people have lives, people have their own stuff, people have agency. Not everyone’s going to do it. Hate to break it to you, right?

So, again, if you are a coach or a course creator or a teacher or a healer or whatever else it is that you do, how do we know if you’re being successful? Well, again, I’m not saying you don’t test your methods and your program. You do. You need to have a process that you know a good percentage of people. Like I offered her the percentage 20%. If 20% get to the top of the mountain, we got a win here. We’ve got a winning offer. But also, you have to define success for yourself in ways that are 100% in your control.

So, for me, I define success for myself as a coach by, am I doing my diligence to keep learning and developing myself? Am I coaching myself so that I can hold space and be neutral and non biased and really bring my highest level skills to each coaching session? Am I taking care of myself spiritually? Because I find that the more spiritually in tune I am, the better I am at teaching and guiding and coaching these other people. Am I practicing what I preach? Am I being as honest and authentic as I can? Am I not making it about myself, keeping myself out of it?

Because it’s not about me. Am I keeping my head straight and am I organized and putting in my best effort? Notice how all of these things are 100% in my control. They are not up to my clients or anybody else in my life. They’re not even up to what’s going on in the economy or with social media or anything. I don’t delegate my success to anything outside of me. I’m responsible for my success. All of the accountability falls on me. This keeps me empowered and it doesn’t mean I’m perfect at doing it all either. But when I’m not successful, I know what to go in and do and it’s within my control. I know what to look at, I know what to change.

The next thing that her brain came up with that I thought was so fascinating when I pointed out to her, they’re not all going to they’re not all going to get there, hate to tell you. Some of them aren’t ready, right? etc. And her brain came back with, then why are we even bothering? Okay? This is classic perfectionism or all or nothing thinking. Wait a second. If I can’t help 100% of the people do the necessary work and take the necessary steps and put in the necessary effort to achieve success, then why bother?

Well, the answer is obvious when we say it out loud, right? The answer is, well, because the 20% that are going to achieve success need us. It’s worth it. Right? Some is better than none. Nobody is actually meant to be perfect at all of it or to achieve again 100% success. That’s just not the way it goes. Are you kidding me? Why bother? This is completely worth it.

So, notice throughout this whole portion of this coaching call, the part I just discussed, what’s happening is her brain is asking her questions. So, her thoughts in this scenario are happening in question form. And I point this out because this happens to a lot of us, a lot of the time. Your thoughts are happening in question form. Like, what if nobody buys it? What if people don’t like it? Why bother? These are all questions, right?

Now, what happens when we have thoughts in question form, and we’re not paying attention, we’re just going throughout our life, is your subconscious lower brain is answering those questions. And it’s answering it in really simple ways like, what if nobody buys it? Well, that would be embarrassing and terrible. What if people buy it and they don’t like it? I’ll feel awful. I probably shouldn’t even try. Right? If 100% of the people aren’t going to achieve success, then why bother? Yeah, you’re right. We shouldn’t.

This is what the lower brain is answering. You see what I’m saying? They’re really simple answers and they’re usually they don’t even make sense. answers like, well then you’ll be embarrassed or that will mean that you’re an idiot or you’re a terrible person or that will mean that you wasted your whole time or that will or we’ll probably die. Right? Like not literally die, but that’s kind of what this part of the brain thinks.

And so the power of coaching is we slow it down. and every time my client gives me a question like, what if nobody buys it? What if it doesn’t work? What if, etc. Then I stop and I go, well, yeah, what if? What are we really afraid of? And then we have a rational, logical conversation. Now, almost every time when I’m asking somebody this in a coaching session, what if nobody buys it?

They’re able to come up with a really rational, logical, reasonable answer as this woman did. Like, well, then I’ll go, I’ll go try something else. I need to learn more about marketing. I need to create a plan. Right? It makes total sense when you slow it down. So all you have to do when you’re coaching yourself is slow it down. Get out a piece of paper, write down all the questions your brain is asking, and then notice if you feel bad when you think those questions, it means your default brain is answering them with something like, you’re an idiot, you might as well not try. This would be terrible if this happened. But your prefrontal cortex, your higher, wiser brain knows none of that stuff is actually true. It doesn’t mean any of that. And if you want help doing that, again, have a coach help walk you through it.

Okay. So the next thing I want to point out because this might be useful to you all in your self coaching, it is for me a lot, is that sometimes what we do is we keep circumstances negative in our mind, but we try to think positive thoughts about them as we’re trying to do thought work, as you’re trying to execute what I’m teaching you here, right? So for example, when I said to her like, yeah, let’s say 20 out of 100 are going to succeed and that’s a win.

She said, okay, I guess I could just think positively or not, I can’t remember how she said it, but something along the lines of like, just not going to beat myself up about the ones that don’t. And so I just want to point that out. If 20% achieve, and we defined the result really clearly, right? Like improved their body image by 20% and changed their eating habits by 50% and achieved their whatever health goal. Like if we were to really define it in a more scientific way, right? Or or achieved whatever was their desire when they came into the program. And 20% of them do it, and then 80% of them don’t get there. They fall short in some way. That is neutral in and of itself. Right?

She’s still keeping it negative in her mind and trying to think a positive thought about it. There are times when that can be useful in your life. But when we’re coaching, I like to go really deep with my clients and show her, wait a second, that’s not a negative thing until we make it mean something negative, until we think negative thoughts or tell ourselves a negative story about it. She’s telling herself a negative story about herself. Like that it would mean that she’s not doing a good job or her course isn’t good enough. It seems like that’s what I gathered from her.

Sometimes we do that. Sometimes we make the negative story be about our customers or clients. I hear this a lot when I’m coaching coaches too. Like, I just, these people are just not motivated, they’re not committed. I can’t get them to follow through. I’m really frustrated that they’re not succeeding because they’re not doing what I tell them to do. And what I always do is back the train up and be like, listen, maybe they’re not supposed to do it yet.

They’re not ready to do it. They don’t want to do it. Maybe they’re not supposed to. Maybe it’s not negative. Maybe this is all part of the journey they’re supposed to be on. Maybe it’s normal and natural and okay for people to struggle and to need to try eight times before we achieve success. And maybe they’re just meant to get a little nugget out of your program, but they’re not meant to actually see external results yet. It’s all part of the perfect journey of them getting to where they want to go.

So, that’s just a little kind of something I wanted to point out because when you stop and you separate out, wait, these are facts, or these aren’t even facts. These things haven’t even happened for this client. But I’m just saying these could potentially be facts. And then the rest is optional. Facts are always neutral. And I’m not saying you want to think positively or neutral about all the facts. But in this situation, I don’t see the upside to her thinking negatively about the 80% that don’t succeed if that were to happen. You with me?

And then the last thing we talk about, and again, this is something that for those of you that do have courses or programs or something that you offer, this always really helps me. And it not only helps me feel more confident as I go to launch something or teach something, but it actually does make my programs and my courses even better. They are better because there’s no possible way, well, actually, let me back up and tell you what I’m talking about. So remember she says, well, what if there’s like a part in the middle or something or somewhere along the way when people just aren’t getting it? Right?

What if we don’t even have 20% that are getting to the top is kind of what her brain starts telling her, right? What if there’s something missing? What if they fall short in some way and it’s because I didn’t do my job thoroughly. There’s no possible way for me anyway. Maybe some of you are better at this than me, but usually there’s no way for me to really be able to think through and anticipate every possible thing that my customer or client would need in a program if it’s a brand new program that I’ve never really taught before. I just am not that good. I wish I was, but I can’t usually predict all of it.

I can usually predict 90% of it, 95% of it even, I know. But there’s always that 5 to 10% that I didn’t think about, oh yeah, they’re getting stuck at this point. I didn’t think about that. And so I always go into a new course or a new program or a new launch. I even tell this usually to my clients, but if nothing else, I tell it to myself, which is, if there’s anything missing, I will step in and make it right. I will add some bonus content. I will create some more videos. I will invite them to a special call. I will set up a bonus something or other and make sure I take care of people. Because it’s not that we don’t know how to take care of people, right? That’s not what this dietitian, she’s not like, what if I don’t understand part of nutrition and the body well enough?

She’s just like, what if I left something out accidentally of the course? And I’m like, you might have. And then you know what you’ll do? You’ll be very generous and transparent. You’ll say to everybody, you know what? When I taught this section on this thing, I thought that was going to be enough, but it’s not. I can see a lot of you are not getting it. So guess what? That’s on me. And here’s how I’m going to make it up to you. I’m going to add this bonus material. I’m going to whatever it is that you want to do, you make it right for people. And we appreciate that. We connect with that. And people are really grateful for that. And so, just a little something you can execute those of you that are coaches or course creators.

All right. So we go through all of this and she’s starting to get to peace. And then at the end, she’s still just like, but I’m just kind of scared. I have this self doubt, right? We’ve kind of like rationalized with her brain, all these fears and doubts, and she just still probably has more that we haven’t uncovered yet, which is fine. But even if we do rationalize with every one of them, her brain will probably come up with new reasons and it doesn’t even need to have a reason that she’s aware of. It’s just going to offer her some fear because it’s unknown.

Like when it comes right down to her brain just like, we don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t like that. Okay? And so that’s why I offer her at the end, that’s okay. That’s normal. I still have that personally. I don’t know. Maybe when you get to a certain level, you don’t feel fear anymore, but I kind of don’t think so. I think we just all do. I think it’s just part of the deal.

And so there is a point at which you just make peace with, this is just normal. It’s okay. I’m going to keep going anyway. And then I love so much at the very end when I give her this shortcut that I’ve given out here on the podcast before, people, I hope you’ve been hearing it, but I’ll just point it out again, which is stop thinking about yourself, about whether or not you did a good job or you’re valid or you’re worthy or people are going to like you or they’re going to whatever.

And start thinking about the people that you’re trying to help. And this beautiful client, like when I just started describing to her because she’s a dietitian. She’s helping people with their bodies, right? Their body image, their weight loss. And I’ve helped people like that before too, and I know that they often don’t want to turn their webcam on.

So I started describing that to her and she gets emotional. That’s why we know she’s got to go do this. She cares deeply about this topic and she knows how to help people. Maybe she’s had experience with it personally, I don’t know. I guarantee she’s helped a lot of other people with it and she feels like this is her purpose right now. This is her calling. This is what fulfills her and so absolutely we want her to go do it. That fear is a lie. It’s not an indicator that she’s going the wrong direction. In fact, it might even be an indicator that she’s headed exactly where she’s meant to serve. But where we’re meant to serve is scary sometimes. Go for it anyway, my friends.

Thanks for joining me today, everyone. I’ll see you on another episode. Take care.

Oh wow, look at that. You made it to the end. Your time and attention is valuable, and I don’t take it lightly that you made it this far. In fact, it tells me you might be like me; insatiably curious about people and life and potential and connection. Maybe you have big dreams but a small budget and no time. You’re tired, but bored. You’re content, but dissatisfied. Sound familiar? Come to a free coaching call and see for yourself what’s possible: JodyMoore.com/freecoaching to register. That’s JodyMoore.com/freecoaching.