373. The Power of Thought Work for Women of Faith with Danielle Thienel

I’m Jody Moore and this is Better Than Happy, episode 373: The Power of Thought Work for Women of Faith with Danielle Thienel.

Did you know that you can live a life that’s even better than happy? My name is Jody Moore. I’m a master certified life coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And if you’re willing to go with me I can show you how. Let’s go.

Hey there everybody, welcome to episode 373, Danielle Thienel is, I feel like we’re soul sisters. She’s one of my most favorite people and a brilliant, amazing coach. She coaches in Be Bold, so those of you in there have gotten to experience the beauty and power of her coaching. But today I invited her to come on the podcast because she is a woman of faith. And she is not a member of the same faith that I am, our faiths are very similar. And she’s going to talk more about that so I’ll let you hear all about it.

But she’s such a great example of a woman of faith and how the tools of thought work have impacted her and her family. And so, I can’t wait to share her with you. I want to begin by making sure that you are registered to join me at The Art of Coaching. It’s a $19 four day coaching intensive. And we’re going to go deep on the coaching and I’m going to teach you the art of happiness. Happiness, there’s some biology, there’s some hormones, there’s also maybe what we would call math, what you think will create what you feel.

That’s all good to know. But what about the art part? What about the part where you need to figure out what works for you and your own style, and that what’s going on for you personally can make it more or less challenging. And we have to take all of that into account to get a true picture of how to create happiness in your life. And that’s what I’m going to be teaching you in The Art of Happiness. We’re going to do a lot of coaching and interacting on that. So don’t miss it.

Head to jodymoore.com/intensive. It’s happening September 19^th. We will send you the replays if you’re not there live, so make sure you register and that’s going to be a good time.

Alright, let’s turn it over to my conversation with Danielle. Here we go.

                                                                                                                   

Jody: Danielle, tell us all a little bit about you first of all before we dive in.

Danielle: I am a certified life coach, wife, mom of three. And I guess it could have been in the other order, I’m a wife, mom and then certified life coach.

Jody: No. I don’t think there’s any right or wrong order, it’s okay, there’s a whole other podcast we’ll do on that, on whether you identify yourself by your accomplishments or your relationships. And they’re not right or wrong by the way, just different, [crosstalk].

Danielle: That’s right. Well, let me just start. So, this Friday I’ll be married 22 years.

Jody: Congratulations. This Friday is your anniversary?

Danielle: It is.

Jody: How fun. Okay, happy anniversary.

Danielle: Yeah. And I have three kids. And they are teenagers and two of them about to go off to college. There are all kinds of graduation things going on next month. But yeah, I definitely identify as a certified life coach and love that.

Jody: I love that too, okay. And tell everyone where you live and don’t forget the part about where you coach in my program a little bit.

Danielle: Yeah. That’s right, there’s that. I live in Nashville, Tennessee. My first career brought me here when I was a professional ballet dancer and I had a job with the National Ballet. But we fell in love with the city and I’ve been here now 25, 7, something like that years ever since.

Jody: You went through my advanced certification in faith based coaching.

Danielle: I did.

Jody: So, tell everyone about your coaching business?

Danielle: Yeah. So, after certifying with The Life Coach School, I went through the business track. But then soon after that really felt called to increase my capacity and experience with coaching. And then it was just perfectly timed that you offered your advanced certification and knew right away, totally was out watering my arborvitaes and listening to you and your podcast. And knew that is exactly for me especially with the faith based part because I am a member of the Catholic faith and it’s a very important part of my life.

And I just, you had this call about how it took you three years to get to a certain place in your business that you were going to help us do in a shorter period of time and so, I was all in.

Jody: I said, “You’re going to get rich quick if you come and work with me.” Just kidding, that is not what I said.

Danielle: Wait a minute, yeah, I’m still waiting for that, so no. But my confidence soared and it was an amazing experience and so I have the advanced certification, faith based coaching through Jody Moore Coaching. And then heeded your call for some coaches and I’m now part of your team.

Jody: It’s so fun. And you’re running your own business.

Danielle: Yes. So, I help overwhelmed moms who are stressed and overwhelmed who want more peace and balance in their life. And it is just the greatest honor to be able to be able to take my own story and that is what I lived, that is what I was. And be so passionate about helping others realize that there is a different way. And it’s definitely more simple than you think.

Jody: Say more about that.

Danielle: Well, when you learn the coaching tools and you really do get to, your mind opens into I never ever saw it this way. And then you get a little bit mad, why did they not teach us this when we were younger or when my kids were small or something like that. But when you do apply and you get the change and transformation yourself, and you can’t help but then want to reach out and serve others, and what else is available to you? Because you can never get any more time back. This is our resource and we get this one life.

And we really were meant to enjoy it and have the peace and abundance along the way. And we’ve just forgotten that. And coaching really gave me back those reminders. And so now I do that for other moms.

Jody: Okay. So, I just fell in love with Danielle, I fall in love with, to be honest, everyone that goes through advanced cert, it’s hard not to because that’s a really fun experience. And you guys are in there, I get to watch you grow and develop as coaches. But you’re also serving my community. You coach in Be Bold. And it’s just I’m always so grateful to all of you for giving your time to do that. And I know you guys are grateful to the clients for coming so you can get practice coaching. And the clients are grateful to get free coaching. So, it’s just a win all the way around.

And I think that’s partly what makes it such a rich and fantastic experience that causes me to fall in love with everyone. But one of the things that’s been fun for me is to get to know you because as you said, we are both women of faith and we have, I think, really similar beliefs. Our faiths overlap in so many ways and yet are slightly different. Our faith traditions are slightly different. And so, I wanted to just have you share, were you born and raised in the Catholic faith?

Danielle: Yes. I’m what you call a cradle Catholic. That’s the term we give for when we were born into the faith. And my dad was one of 12. So, there’s actually two of them still left here. My dad, I’m very lucky, my dad and mom actually live right across the street from me. But my mom was a convert. So, she was a convert later in life which sometimes converts actually, they know a lot more than you do.

Jody: For sure, and because they studied it before they signed up whereas some of us, I was born into my faith. I’m a cradle member of the LDS faith as you would say. And yeah, definitely as a convert they probably take more time, some of them at times to learn than we do.

Danielle: But I just remember really especially my teenage years, I remember before I could even drive, I was still drawn, if my parents could take me. “Could you drop me off at mass?” And I wanted to go. And I really just, I had some great – on my Sunday school classes I had some great teachers and some really family members that were just amazing examples. And I loved the joy that they exuded from themselves and their positive attitude and always relying on their faith.

And I just loved all of it. And I especially, I don’t even know the teacher or where it really came from but there was something that prompted me to just concentrate on my relationship with Christ. That yes, we have all the religions, that there’s positive and negative, and good press and not good press, and things that you would want to be different. But I just decided early on that I was just going to love it. And that I was going to concentrate on my personal relationship with Christ.

But yes, I do follow the sacraments that our faith has. But that is my number one, is my relationship with Christ. And then even when I came to coaching how that got so deeper because of the correlation of my time with Him and what I’m thinking about Him, and what I choose to think from His word and the scriptures. I mean my relationship with Him takes place a lot in my mind.

Jody: Yes, that’s right.

Danielle: Just a perfect complement with coaching to keep my focus on my thoughts that were from what He’s written. And I’d just imagine what would He say about me in this situation? And also, I had, back again, like I mentioned, my first career as a professional ballet dancer. When you’re on stage there’s a lot going on in your mind. Some of it is just when you’re just like, why are you thinking about that? But when I came to really putting into practice some of my favorite verses while I was on stage, especially overcoming all the nerves.

And my strategy back then was really wanting things to be perfect. But I for instance grabbed the scripture of Philippians 4:13 that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That’s my go to. But I would dance just thinking about that over, and over, and over again. And it yielded all those good results.

Jody: Yes. That’s a perfect segue into the topic we’re going to dive into here today too which is sort of perfectionism and balance. And I worked in corporate for many years and there was always talk about work life balance. When you have a ‘job’ meaning you get dressed, and leave your house, and get a paycheck. Then I think we understand the importance of work life balance. But I think that what was for me way more challenging was figuring out balance as a mom and letting go of perfectionism.

It’s one thing to say, “Okay, I don’t need to be perfect when I’m dancing on the stage”, not to undermine how challenging that is. But it’s a whole another thing to say, “I don’t have to be a perfect mom.”

Danielle: Right. Well, first let me say that that is one of the things that really drew me to you. I knew that I had struggled with perfectionism and as a mom. I do want to mention that I do look back at my dancing career and what led up to it. And I think that it was a winning strategy for me. Then with that particular career, whether it’s getting the grades because I got the scholarship because you’re auditioning. And then really caring about how the performance was and getting the right kind of end result for the choreographer.

It was a winning strategy. But my problem came when I thought that I was supposed to keep that strategy as a mom. That’s when everything sort of started to crumble. And I do say that I also, that is one of the main reasons why I was drawn to you, of course the faith based part. But you exude that, done is better than perfect, the concept of B minus from someone who was always striving for the A. And if it’s not fun we’re not going to do it. Those were never thoughts I had.

But when I came to be a mom and I had three under age three I was like, it’s just impossible. You can’t be perfect and get it all done. So that’s when it first started where I was realizing this isn’t working anymore.

Jody: Yeah. I mean it’s nice of you to say that but I had to learn that over time as well. Although I never had perfectionism. I sort of have the opposite problem where I’m just like, “Who cares? It’s good enough.” But as a mom I really was hard on myself about it and felt a lot of guilt around it until I realized that that’s actually not useful. And I think any of our strengths like when you say that your desire to excel, and achieve, and get A’s and all of that. That’s a strength.

I do think that any of our strengths overused become weaknesses. And so, my ability to be laidback and not need it to be perfect and all of that is a strength that can become a weakness if overused as well. And so, I think that’s just important for everyone to keep in mind.

Danielle: Just notice we both have a lot more awareness around it now. That’s what makes it so powerful for us because we’re not saying that I don’t fall back into perfectionism because I do. And I now I’m so onto myself, and then I have the awareness, then choose, okay, wait a minute. Is this going to be serving me or it’s not serving me? And it’s the same thing with balance. When I first started my business and had this group and it grew lots and lots of members. But I would pull them to ask the moms, “What is it that you’re struggling with?”

Without a doubt the number one thing, because I went through all of their answers and highlighted them all, the word ‘balance’ came up more than any other. A lot of them was peace, so definitely they’re wanting more peace in their life. But it was more like there’s so much to do. I am so overwhelmed. There’s not enough time. I wish I could just balance it all.

And here’s the thing what I realized is that I can meet a mom who really just has two major things going on and she’s totally out of control, negative self-talk, doesn’t feel like she has enough time. She doesn’t make any time for self-care. And then I can have a mom who has 10 items but she’s feeling on top of it all and feeling in balance. And the whole reason is because balance is a state of mind, period. Just like every other thing, feeling that we have, it’s not caused by how much stuff you have going on outside of you.

Jody: Okay, I think this is so important. I just want to make sure everybody’s listening and that we really emphasize this. I think, wouldn’t you say this is also true with overwhelm?

Danielle: Absolutely.

Jody: Right. So, when we say, “I want to be balanced”, what we mean is, I want to feel calm. I want to be able to believe that I’m getting done what needs to get done. And that whatever I didn’t get done, it’s okay. So, I love what you’re saying. It’s a state of mind. It’s a set of beliefs maybe that create a sort of peaceful feeling. And I do think that it creates a balanced feeling too. It’s not that you always feel relaxed and happy but you also don’t always feel stressed and overwhelmed. You should feel balanced.

Danielle: And it’s not that I never feel stress or overwhelm but I used to let that and especially guilty, I used to let those keep me stuck, just derail me for maybe a week. Where I would then spin into the would have’s and should have’s and all that. But now it’s not that I never go to stressed and overwhelmed, or guilty, or out of balance. But now I recognize what it is, it’s something that I get to choose, and decide, and control. So, I can more easily be onto myself, accept that I’m the one causing it. And then decide if I want to make the changes or not to feel back in balance.

Jody: Yeah. So why do you think we do this, you work with a lot of women in this situation and have coached a lot I know. So why do you think that as women and moms especially we tend to do this, to overwhelm ourselves?

Danielle: After working with so many and seeing the themes and just seeing the same things come up, I have recognized five, I guess, maybe strategies, success secrets that if you want to be a balanced mom, these are the things that you do.

Jody: Okay, perfect, let’s go through those because I’m sure that will uncover what I was just asking about why we do it. Yeah.

Danielle: Yeah. So, number one is balanced moms prioritize themselves. They are not thinking that that is a selfish endeavor. They actually know that it’s crucial to be the effective mom they want to be they must fill their bucket first.

Jody: With what kinds of things, can you give us examples?

Danielle: I mean it is as simple as a walk, five minutes of breathing, taking the time to write out your thoughts and see what they are, whether it’s something for physically that you do to make sure you’re getting that in that week. Of course, with our faith, it’s connecting with our source, and Christ, and whatever else you have or think that you want to do for your faith. It is maybe sometimes putting that above what you were previously thinking that I should do.

Just knowing that you will have way more to give and be overflow if you’re feeling better. And then you become the example for your family, your friends, your community in the world. So those are some examples.

Jody: Yeah. And I want to just add to this that, so whether it be small routines of self-care, those regular routines that might be necessary or bigger things like I kind of want to go back to school and finish my degree. Or I want to get a job, or start a business, or take a class, or go to a retreat, or any of those things. I love the idea that, yes, that is first of all going to make you a better mother, a better wife, a better whatever it is that you want to be and do in the world.

But also, that’s not even necessary to justify it. I was just coaching a group this past week. We were talking about this how why is it that we will sign our son up for soccer, and then take him to practice and go to the games, and pay the money, and buy the uniform. It’s a financial investment, it’s a time sacrifice, it’s all these things.

And we’re never like, “But that’s going to make him a better brother and son, that’s why we’re putting him in soccer.” It will, he will be nicer to his siblings, he will be if he gets the benefits that that could provide him, like increased confidence, and problem solving, and connections and all of that, and physical fitness. All of these things benefit our son. But we never go, “And so we’re going to do it because then he’ll be a better brother or a better son.” But we do that with ourselves all the time.

I very rarely hear a mom say, “I’m going to take this class. I’m going to go back to school and finish my degree because I want to.” We’re like, “And because even though it’s going to cost money I’m going to be away from my children. It’s going to make me a better mother.” As though we have to justify it.

Danielle: Yes. I love the example about summer camps, the thousands of dollars that I’ve sent for them to go away for a week at the camps. Why do we do that? So that they could be exposed to what is out in the world, and new and different, or to find maybe a talent that is to be uncovered. And moms invest in coaching I’m like, “Yeah, because you should be able to go to summer camp too so you can develop your talents.”

Jody: Right, just for you. That can be the end of it. It is going to help everyone else but that doesn’t need to be your motivation, just saying. Yeah, that’s so good.

Danielle: Yeah. People may talk about self-care is a buzzword but it doesn’t bother me one bit. It is essential. So, if you are a successful, happy, balanced mom then I know you are prioritizing yourself. You’re doing self-care for sure.

Jody: I’m really good at prioritizing myself, I’m just saying, maybe too good.

Danielle: Yeah, me too.

Jody: I’m like, “No, you all are fine. Mom needs to do this thing.”

Danielle: Yeah. And I know for me it’s easier now with my kids older and they drive. And I have more time. But when I remember, you have to find even small ways maybe, just knowing that that’s for a season and that there will be a time where you can do.

Jody: Yeah, that’s true. And we are both also willing to make huge sacrifices for our kids and our families. It goes both ways. Okay, what’s number two?

Danielle: Okay. Number two is they say no often.

Jody: I love this one.

Danielle: Because saying no sometimes is very nice. We know that when we say yes when we really mean no, that we are just lying essentially. And it does go the other way, maybe it is something you want to say yes to you, that means you say no to something else, just kind of flipping it. But it’s mostly in the cases for moms that it is that they need to let go of something, they need to say no. They need to have the sign up genius come in and then just be deleted from their account.

Jody: Just close it.

Danielle: That’s right. I don’t even open it sometimes.

Jody: Unless you want to sign up and then you do it, sometimes [crosstalk].

Danielle: Thank goodness for those moms.

Jody: And other times I close it down, really.

Danielle: But the thing is, is that we only have a limited amount of time. That is the source. And so, we want to have these great to-do lists but then at the end of the day we’re feeling terrible because we didn’t get half of it done. When I’m like, “Say no to half of those things or say later, and just do the five and feel amazing at the end of the day that you accomplished it all.”

Jody: Right. It’s that whole idea that we overestimate what we can do in the short term and underestimate what we can do in the long term. So, what’s your favorite way to say no?

Danielle: No, just to say, “No, thank you.” I usually add the thank you.

Jody: No, thank you, you like to add the thank you?

Danielle: Not at this time.

Jody: I mean obviously it depends on what the request is and how they’re asking, who’s asking. But I think a lot of people have a hard time with this. It’s hard not to want to just come up with a little white lie.

Danielle: This is why it’s easy for me.

Jody: Okay, tell me.

Danielle: Because before when it’s difficult or if someone is struggling with saying no, it’s because they’re thinking of what the other person will think about them. I no longer buy into that because with coaching I know that I can’t control their thoughts about me and that I get to decide. And if I like my reasons why, then of course they’re going to be able to think whatever they want about me. So, it’s not even an issue to contemplate anymore.

Jody: It’s good. It kind of reminds me, my favorite way is some version of sometimes these words but sometimes just a version of this is I love to say, “I love you and no.”

Danielle: Perfect, yes.

Jody: Because to your point, I’m not going to try to control what they think of me but I am going to think about what I want to think of them. And I just want to love them so that’s good, say no often. Okay, what’s number three?

Danielle: It’s, they know that done is better than perfect. I was always striving to make it better, make it perfect and I never arrived there. I can see now how I kept myself small and I kept myself stuck. And I wasn’t creating as many results as I wanted. It was for that fact. Now I’m all onboard for B minus work. I have seen myself collect a pile of results and create amazing things because I was like, “Would I get a grade of an 80 on this? Yeah.” Okay, I didn’t go and review and listen back or look over my grammars.

Alright, well, I probably did about an 80%, B minus and I send it off. And then I just get and pile up results. So, I keep myself moving, and progressing, and so just applying that, I just say, “Try it out that done is better than perfect.” Because that’s what we all want, to be getting things done.

Jody: That’s right. And the results that you find like this works well in my life or in my family, or in my business, or whatever it is. This is working well. People are responding it’s good content. You can always go back and make it A level later but most people don’t.

Danielle: But I don’t.

Jody: You don’t? And it’s not necessary. I was just thinking today about the foundational course in Be Bold when people first join, that I have them watch, that teaches the model. I would definitely call it B minus level because I created it so long ago. I didn’t have the skills or resources I have now. So, the graphics aren’t great because I didn’t have Dina, my brilliant graphic designer back then and things like that. But I’ve gone back and listened to it so many times thinking maybe I should redo that.

And the content is so good. The content’s so dialed in that I’m just like, “I don’t want to go redo it and I might mess it up because it’s so foundational.” Which is where it needs to be when people come in. And to your point, it doesn’t need to always go back and be cleaned up to A level. But I know a lot of people really struggle with that B minus concept because we’re taught, anything worth doing is worth doing right, and strive for excellence, and all these things. That it can be useful at times but mostly they’re slowing people down.

And they’re preventing you from just trying things out. You’ve just got to be willing to try stuff out and be not good at it at first. Just be willing to be not good at it.

Danielle: Yeah. And I would say, just stop and ask yourself, am I moving along? Am I progressing? Am I seeing the results that I want? If whatever you’re doing is working for you then maybe you don’t need to change, your thoughts are serving you. But I would just, if you do say, “No, I’m not moving along as fast as I want, or I’m not getting the results that I want.” Then I’d be like, “Maybe it’s because there’s some of that striving to be perfect there.”

Jody: Yeah, for sure. Okay, I love that. What about number four?

Danielle: Number four I have they make time for what matters. So, you make it, whether you have an abundance of time or a lack of time, it’s coming from how you’re viewing it. And so, if you are really distilling that down on your to-do’s or what it is in your mom life that truly matters to you, what is just aligns with your values, or moves the needles for you. Then it just gives such clarity of what to let go of and what to spend your time on.

Jody: I love, Danielle, that you just said, “Make time for what matters to you.”

Danielle: That’s right.

Jody: I coach so many women, I’m sure you can relate to this, who are trying to decide, what’s the right thing to be doing. What’s the right thing to spend my time on? Is this right or wrong? Is this selfish? What is the right thing? And the key is, make time for what matters to you.

Danielle: To you.

Jody: You have to decide what do I value and what’s important? Of course, what’s going on with your family is part of what matters to you. Of course, what’s going on with the people that you love and their preferences even and all of that is part of how you make that decision. But in the end the answer doesn’t live outside of you. I find that people want to ask me as a coach, “Is this an okay thing? Is this right to be focused on? Is this the right way to think about it even?” And I’m just like, “I don’t know. You have to decide that.”

Danielle: Yeah. I would say how would I dare to think I would know better than what would go well for your life? If you just stop, close your eyes, again, put your hand on your heart, and ask, “What do I want? What matters to me?” It will reveal. I could offer you five or 10 things.

Jody: Yeah, I’m happy to give you my opinion.

Danielle: That’s exactly.

Jody: I will tell you what I think is right. And even like we were talking about earlier is both being faith based women and faith based coaches. People say, “Well, don’t you think we should ask God?” And I say, “Yes, for sure. God talks to you internally through your own knowing and your own wisdom.” That is how you ask God is ask yourself, what is important to me. And you keep yourself living in the way you want to live and feeling close to Christ and that’s how you find that answer. Ask yourself, ask God to me is the same thing.

Versus look for approval and validation from your husband, your coach, the internet, the Instagram. Exactly. Anyway, okay, I love that. Make time for what matters. Okay, what’s number five?

Danielle: They talk to themselves as God would. This internal self-criticism chatter that comes up when clients come to me, I just had a client today who we did a download of her thoughts. And it had to do with I’m a lazy mom, and a couple more that were a variation of that. And I just asked her, I was like, “Okay, you know wherever two or three are gathered, Christ is in our midst so He’s here.” And I said, “If He was here right now do you think that He would utter any of those words to you?”

And then I said, “And of course the answer is no.” And then I’m like, “Then what makes you think that it’s okay for you to say it to yourself?” And we give the analogy about would you say that to your best girlfriend if she came over with, but yet we think it’s okay. So, if you are feeling happy, and balanced, and you just wouldn’t be saying those things or thinking those things about you. You would know your infinite worth and send your brain out to looking for what you are doing right and what is going well.

Jody: So, what advice do you have for somebody that says, “I understand that, that makes sense, I agree, I shouldn’t be thinking about or talking to myself in such a negative way?” But for some people it’s such a habit or maybe they were talked to negatively by authorities as they were growing up or whatever. And those thoughts are so ingrained, how do we help people shift that?

Danielle: I would probably go right to what we recently taught in Be Bold about how to get what you want. So, you just identified something that you wanted. You want to talk to yourself as God would or you want to not be so self-critical. Well, we need those four steps. We need to have a desire first, so you’ve just clarified your desire. Then you have to do the work on believing which again it’s like going to the mental gym, not the actual physical gym, that it takes practice.

You have to come figure out for you, okay, what am I going to do every day to bring me back to these new ways that I want to be thinking about myself and believing. I think one of the examples you gave where you just stop and you ask yourself, is this possible for me? This is possible for me, right? So, you can stop and ask yourself, is it possible for me to think more highly of myself and stop being critical? Of course, it is but it will take practice. And then you have to know it’s not always going to be easy.

Your brain’s going to go back to the old ways but again you’ll have more awareness around it. And just figure out some strategies that might work for your life. And again, you’ve just got to then try it out.

Jody: I think what you said about not expecting perfection and practice, practice redirecting. I mean this is the work you and I both do as coaches too. It’s helpful to have a coach, a therapist, somebody else helping you through the process. But it’s like a slowly rewiring of your brain, right?

Danielle: Yeah. And it also no longer – I expect it, I’ve normalized that I will have a part of my brain that’s going to offer me that I’m not doing a good enough job or you did that wrong. That’s not a surprise to me anymore and I’m not in any kind of LaLa land that that will ever stop or go away.

But now I get to recognize it and just be like, “Yeah, we’re not doing that today.” Or I’m going to choose something different, or again, I don’t have to be perfect, or what would God say to me? Or I’m feeling like I have too much going on, what do I need to say no to? You see, I’m just kind of bringing myself back to this.

Jody: It’s like you’re sort of answering your brain is what I hear you saying? That’s how I always think of it. I think of it like I have four kids but then I have this fifth kid which is little Jody Moore in my head that’s sometimes scared and very childlike. And she’ll say things like, “What’s the matter with you? You totally dropped the ball today. You’re not as good as that person. Who do you think you are?” The negativity, it’s not me, it’s this other voice. And I also though don’t get mad at her, just like my kids say a bunch of stuff sometimes and I think is nonsense.

And I don’t hate them and think that they need to go away, I’m just like, okay. So, when I hear that voice in my head I just go, “Okay, thanks, everything’s fine.”

Danielle: Yeah, mine comes in the morning when I’m working out. And there is three kind of cycles of what I’m going through with repetitions and weight training. And every morning and now I’m getting to the point where I laugh out loud because after round two here she comes. She comes in like, “That’s enough, you don’t need to do that anymore. That was good enough.” And I laugh out loud, I’m like, “There she is”, I’m like, “No, I’m not listening to you.” Because I want the result that I want so I’m going after it.

Jody: Your voice sounds a lot nicer than mine. Mine’s like, “This is stupid. We’re not doing this anymore. Why did you even start? Who do you think you are?” It makes sense. Alright, so you created this amazing checklist. I love a checklist.

Danielle: Me too.

Jody: I like to check boxes.

Danielle: We want simple, one pager.

Jody: Yes. So, this is and we’re giving this away, Danielle’s giving this away to anybody who wants it, totally free. It’s called The Balanced Mom Checklist. Tell us about it and then tell us where we can get it.

Danielle: Well, we know that so many times when people realize I know that this thought isn’t serving me. And then as coaches, they ask us, they’re like, “Just tell me what to think, what do I need to do?” And then this is just that chance that I’m just giving it this time. I’m just handing it over because I have coached enough to know that we are all – it’s similar. So, I have gathered the feelings that you can create from these thoughts or other ones that you can come up with yourself.

And then kind of as we talked about the five step today, there’s certain actions that if you are doing and not doing it will create the result of I am a balanced mom. And so, this checklist will just, it can serve, remember you have to come back each day and build your belief, so here it is. Whatever you can take to come back to thinking these thoughts, and creating these types of feelings and doing these actions, then it’ll be inevitable that you will be able to tap into being a balanced mom.

And you won’t be able to sustain it forever because of that lower brain and negative self-talk that will be there. But then I wanted to provide a checklist so that you can have a reference to come back to.

Jody: It’s so good. I want to mention too, there’s a bonus here at the bottom.

Danielle: I love bonuses.

Jody: Some great questions. Yes, like the Clinique gift with purchase. So, our brains ask us questions all the time but they’re usually questions like, what’s the matter with you? Or what’s wrong with them? Why are they so dumb? Or why are you even trying?

Danielle: Or what’s wrong with me?

Jody: Just use those questions. Questions that if you pause and answer them, they give us no useful information, they just make us feel bad. So, you’ve got a bunch of good questions on here. One of them says, how can I make choices that benefit me and everyone around me at the same time? That, if you could answer that question would be some really useful information.

Danielle: Because high quality question, your brain is, what I tell my clients, it’s like a heat seeking missile. When you ask it a question, that missile is released and it goes out there. And it again, heat seeking, so it will find it. It will keep going until it finds it. So, if it’s going to give you the answer, why not ask it a question that you really want a good answer to?

Jody: Like, do you want to find that thing? Is that really what you want the missile to go look for? Yeah, it’s a good point, okay.

Danielle: Yes. So yeah, so at the bottom there’s a bonus of questions that will [crosstalk].

Jody: Okay, where do we get this?

Danielle: You can go to daniellethienel.com.

Jody: We’ll put it in the notes but it’s Danielle, D-A-N-I-E-L-L-E Thienel, T-H-I-E-N-E-L.

Danielle: .com/momchecklist.

Jody: Okay, that’s easy.

Danielle: Yeah, that’s where you can get it.

Jody: Okay. Awesome. And how can people learn more from you, Danielle, if they want to follow you and soak up all your goodness?

Danielle: They can find everything they need at daniellethienel.com. And there you can see where you can sign up for a free peace strategy call with me. I’m also on Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching.

Jody: And you have a podcast, right?

Danielle: I do, that’s right. It’s called The Peaceful Mind Podcast.

Jody: Yes, okay. Danielle, I love you so much.

Danielle: I love you too, Jody.

Jody: Thanks for coming on.

Danielle: Thank you for having me.

Jody: So helpful, it’s been fun, Danielle’s been in Business Minded so I’m having fun watching you grow your business. You’re a brilliant coach, dear friend, thank you. Thank you, Danielle.

Danielle: Thank you so much, Jody.

                                                                                                                   

Hey there, if you enjoy this podcast or even if you just find that it sort of piques your curiosity, or it makes you think, you’re going to love the book that I wrote. It’s called Better Than Happy: Connecting with Divinity Through Conscious Thinking. And it’s available now at Amazon in print or kindle version. Or if you want me to read it to you, head over to audible and grab the audio version. And why not grab a copy for your sister, your best friend, or your mom while you’re there too. Just saying.