302. Coaching for Teens with Joey Mascio

I’m Jody Moore and this is Better Than Happy, episode 302: Coaching for Teens with Joey Mascio.

Did you know that you can live a life that’s even better than happy? My name is Jody Moore. I’m a master certified life coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And if you’re willing to go with me I can show you how. Let’s go.

Okay you guys, I get asked all the time for advice on how to help your teenagers, how to deal with your teenagers, what to do if your teenager who’s perfectly capable of getting very good grades at school is suddenly failing out of school. How to help your teenager who is struggling because of what’s happened over the last year due to Covid and every other question related to teens. And the main question I get is, “Do you have anyone who can coach my teenager?” And I’m happy to tell you that yes I do.

And one of the most amazing teenage coaches that I know is Joey Mascio. And so I invited him to come on today to talk to you a little bit about what might be going on with your teen, how he helps teens and really to help you know whether or not coaching is even the right fit for your teenager. He has some amazing advice that he shares with us today that will help you, whether you’re interested in getting a coach for your teenager or not. And I’m very excited for you to meet him.

Before I share that interview with you there is so many exciting things happening here at Jody Moore Coaching. And I just want to give you a few updates so that you can kind of keep on your radar anything that you might be interested in. The first thing is that as an entrepreneur who has figured out over the last seven years through a lot of trial and error, and a lot of studying, and a lot of reading, and sort of obsessing over learning about business you might say. I love helping people build their businesses.

I especially feel passionate about helping other women like myself, maybe you’re a member of my church or a similar faith, maybe you really value family and you know that being there for your kids is super important. And maybe you also just have this desire, or drive, or even just little curiosity to build a business possibly. If that’s you I want to help you. I am really, really good at coaching on business. And so I’ve sort of been holding myself back for a long time, years because I just wanted to make sure that my business was really at a point where it made sense for me to do this.

I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t going to neglect any other area of my business. So I’m not going away. I’m still doing all the calls I do in Be Bold and everything else. But I’m very, very excited to be launching towards the end of this summer a business coaching program. So I’m not going to give you all the details right now because it’s still a few months out.

But I’ll just say if you want to get more information about that you’re going to want to get on the interest list at jodymoore.com/business. All it is right now is an interest list and that’s just where you’ll want to go if you want to be notified when it’s ready to go. There’ll be lots of different options in that business, different pricing based on where you’re at and how much help you want. But it’s going to be amazing. So check that out.

The other thing is I’m very excited about my book. It’s going to be coming out at the end of the summer as well. And in fact I posted on Instagram, by the time you listen to this the post will have come out a few days ago, some cover options for the book. And I would love, love your input on the cover because of course I have an opinion and then the other people that I’m close to that I’m working with on the book have opinions. And we all have some overlap and some differing opinions.

And so I really want your opinion because you’re the one I’m writing the book for. It’s for you. It’s not for me actually. And so if you would just take a quick minute and go to Jody Moore Coaching on Instagram you’ll see the image there that has four book covers. And I would love for you to vote and tell me which cover you like. And then stay tuned because late summer again my book which is called Better Than Happy will be coming out. And I’ll tell you how to get your hands on as many copies as you want.

Okay, so I think that’s all the updates I have for now. There’s more coming so make sure you’re subscribed to the podcast. You won’t miss a beat. But let’s go to this amazing conversation with Joey. We’re going to talk about your teens. We’re going to get you some help for your teens and we’re going to have a lot of fun doing it. Here we go.

                                                                                                                   

Jody Moore: Okay. Let’s just dive right in. Let’s start with introductions because then during introductions I’m also going to selfishly give an update on what’s going on with you and your life, and with Angela and your family. So, Joey Mascio, am I saying your last name right?

Joey Mascio: We’re Pennsylvanian Italians so we say Mascio, with a hard a, Mascio.

Jody Moore: Mascio, got it, okay. I’ve been saying it wrong I’m pretty sure all this time.

Joey Mascio: That’s totally fine, most people do.

Jody Moore: Joey Mascio, you go by Joey. Is Joseph your full name?

Joey Mascio: It is my full name and really only people at church call me that.

Jody Moore: That’s right, we call you Joey. So tell everybody a little bit about yourself would you please?

Joey Mascio: Of course, yeah. So I am a father of three and a half first off and foremost. Our fourth is due July 5^th.

Jody Moore: I didn’t know you guys were expecting. Congratulations.

Joey Mascio: Yes. And that means Angela is sick now all the time.

Jody Moore: Oh, poor girl. I’m sorry.

Joey Mascio: It just happened, yeah, but this is the last. And we’re excited. We’re thrilled. And so I love my kids. I’m a dad. I’m also, my background is in performance. So I’ve been a performer on stage for over 20 years at literally hundreds of stages in front of thousands of people across California. I used to be a performer at Disneyland.

Jody Moore: What?

Joey Mascio: Yes. Did you not know this about me?

Jody Moore: No. I told you I was going to learn more about you as we introduced you.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. I am the only actor in Disneyland history to have played both Darth Mall and The Mad Hatter.

Jody Moore: Okay. I can see you being both of those. You have a light side and a silly. I mean a dark side and a silly side.

Joey Mascio: Yes. And in fact I would always tell my students at the beginning of the year, I show them pictures of me doing both. I’m like, “You guys get to choose who I show up as.”

Jody Moore: It’s all up to you. Okay, so you have along with a performing background a teaching background, yes?

Joey Mascio: Yes, correct. I’ve been a teacher now for seven years. I started at the high school, now I’m at a middle school where I teach theater. And I volunteered to be the teacher in the Discipline Office. Yeah, that position opened up and I told my principal, I said, “Hey, I actually would love to be in there working with those teens that come through.” And she’s like, “I’m sorry, what now, you want to be in there?” And I’m like, “Yeah.”

Jody Moore: Why did you volunteer? Why did you want to?

Joey Mascio: I wanted to change the dynamic that was in that room. And just about discipline. We changed the name of Discipline Office to The Student Success Center. And I really pushed that. On Campus Suspension Room no more. Now it’s The Student Success Center. And when kids come in I was just like, “Hey, welcome.” And they’re like, “Wait, welcome. I just got busted for weed bro.” And I’m like, “I’m so happy to see you. Come on in.”

Jody Moore: That’s awesome.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. And just working with him it is so much fun. I’m still doing it technically even though we’re still in distance learning. I’m in Southern California so we are still in distance learning. So I’ve been doing everything online, but yeah, so love, love, love being a teacher.

Jody Moore: Okay. I love it. So you have experience with teenagers, varying ages of teenagers it sounds like.

Joey Mascio: Correct.

Jody Moore: And now we get to the really good part. When you and Angela came to my live event was when I first met you. But I don’t know, at some point you discovered coaching, tell us about this part.

Joey Mascio: So after our second child my wife was experiencing postpartum depression. And she was seeing a therapist and she was just like, “You know what? It’s not doing anything for me.” And then she started listening to your podcast. And she’d tell me, “Oh my goodness, so Jody said this other thing or this thing on the podcast.” And I’d be like, “Angela, I told you that thing.”

Jody Moore: She didn’t hear it from you.

Joey Mascio: But she didn’t hear it from me. She really, really heard it from you. So then I would start to listen in. She’d be like doing her hair in the morning listening to your podcast. And I’d linger. I’d linger in. I’d discretely eavesdrop. And I was like, “Alright.” And then I started hearing the things that you were saying and I’m like, “Oh my goodness, this is how I think. This is how I’ve gotten through life up until this point.”

And I had this theory that I think some people are born with a life coaching brain. And other people can be taught it but I think some people are born with it, very much like acting. You’re born with those certain chops, and other people can be taught it as well. But I think you were definitely born with it obviously. But I feel like I was just born with one as well. And to hear you give labels to things that I’d been thinking, it gave me permission to keep thinking how I thought. And I’m like, “Oh my goodness, this is amazing.”

And Angela was like, “So I want to go to her live event. It’s in Washington. It’s this much money.” And I’m like, “Yeah, only if I can go too.”

Jody Moore: Yeah. I love that you guys came together. It was so fun.

Joey Mascio: It was the best.

Jody Moore: And then you became a coach yourself. How did that happen?

Joey Mascio: So around this time before we went to the event I was like, “Yeah, you know what? I want to be a life coach. I’m already coaching teens at work so I want to do this.” So we launched and I started coaching teens. It was a lot of fun. I had a dozen clients just rather people I knew, whatever. I wasn’t charging very much. I was like, “I just want to practice.” And then after meeting you and talking with you. And you were like, “You’ve got to go to Life Coach School, you’ve got to go.” And I’m like, “Okay, yeah, but money.”

Jody Moore: It does cost money.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. Did you forget the part where I’m a teacher and my wife is a stay at home mom? And you were just like, “Yeah, you’ll make it happen.” And we did, we made it happen. And it was the second best decision. The first decision was going to Be Bold Masters.

Jody Moore: Well, maybe marrying your wife can be first and then.

Joey Mascio: Yes, well, a tie.

Jody Moore: Okay, Angela and I tie, yes.

Joey Mascio: Yes. I love you honey. I love you sweetie if you’re listening, which she totally is going to listen. Yeah, so then I went to Life Coach School and it was just – it was more rigorous than my master’s program and way more informative on how I approached my teaching and coaching with teens. So I did that, certified. And then the pandemic happened.

Jody Moore: Right, that’s right.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. And it was just – and it was nuts though. And school, they were telling us, “Go home, teachers do not do anything. Don’t change their grade. Don’t do anything. We don’t know what’s going to happen. Literally don’t touch their grade. Do very little.” And that was to help the teens who were being affected and all that other stuff. But the past year has just been the most transformative of my life. Now my coaching business just grew. I’m booked for the next six weeks.

I teamed up with these other LCS, LDS life coaches. We’ve started Firmly Founded Coaching which is our coaching just kind of like coalition where we serve teens and parents of teens. And help them just be them and create happiness and create more success. And we love it.

Jody Moore: So that was actually a huge blessing for you that the pandemic hit when it did because it freed up time then for you to work on growing your business. Is that what you’re saying?

Joey Mascio: Yes, a 100%.

Jody Moore: Yeah. It’s so amazing. Everything works out exactly how it’s supposed to, right?

Joey Mascio: Yeah. And this from the family, it wasn’t all sunshine and daisies. My son was born with a lung disease. So we were on lockdown for pretty much up until a month ago on just on straight up lockdown. So there was a lot of the processing emotions and not seeing my family who lives down the street. There was a lot of that. But I really try to focus myself on what can I do during this time.

Jody Moore: Yeah, it’s so amazing. Okay, well, so I asked Joey to come on the podcast today because for sure the number one request I get is do you have anyone first of all who can coach my teenager? And second of all, how do I help my teenager? And there’s lots of things that teens are struggling with even before the pandemic of course, lots of just challenges to being a teenager or a human for that matter.

But certainly in the world today, but I think – I don’t know if you’ve experienced this both as a coach with your own practice but also as a teacher who’s exposed to a lot of different kids. But I feel like the pandemic has created even more challenges for us when it comes to our mental and emotional health. And one of the things that we wanted to zero in on today a little bit is what’s happening for so many of them academically.

We’re seeing a lot of kids who were previously great students who did well in school sort of throw their hands up and decide they don’t care or for whatever reason they’re just not taking school seriously and their grades have suffered. Are you experiencing that in California? And again my information is very anecdotal from my circle of friends and what I hear from our clients. But what’s been your experience, Joey?

Joey Mascio: Yeah. So the pandemic has magnified whatever was already there. That’s what I see. There are students all across the board. I have very successful students, last year in person where all of a sudden accountability seemed to have left. And they go, “Well, I don’t have to do this.” And then it will just go around and then they’re just doing things. Like, “Guys, guys, hey, you don’t have to do work. And then nobody’s following up on you.” But that stuff was already there for them.

And then with other people who weren’t doing that good because they don’t like to participate, they don’t like to raise their hand, they don’t like all the distractions. And they’re excelling. And then we have everybody across the spectrum throughout the whole thing. I have multiple students when I ask them, I’m like, “Hey guys, would you want to go back to school?” And some of them say, “No. No, I love this.” And others say, “Please, please, please can we go back? This is killing me.” So it is literally all across the board.

And when I talk to parents, parent teacher conferences over Zoom for the past couple of weeks it’s like I have to remind them because they come in with so much fear and so much worry. And I have to remind them. I say, “Remember this is a global pandemic. Your teen is not the only one going through this. Literally everybody has been throttled. Their education has been throttled in some way.” So if everybody is behind then nobody is behind.

Jody Moore: That’s right.

Joey Mascio: So I have to remind them of that and go, “Your kid’s going to be just fine.” And I even tell them, I’m like, “Yeah, your kid is an F in my class, and they’re going to be just fine.” And I don’t just say that because I teach theater and it’s an elective class. I even tell them, “Yeah, your kid has an F in math.” “Oh my goodness.” “They’re going to be just fine, trust me, they will be good.”

Jody Moore: So talk me through how that is, because I can see where the concern is, yeah, but they need a certain grade to pass, or maybe they need credits because it’s high school level. I’m with you, I agree. I think, listen, it’s all going to be just fine. But can you talk to us more about why you believe that’s true?

Joey Mascio: Yeah. So they will come to me and go, “Yeah, but college, it’s not going to be fine because of college and what it’s going to mean for them.” So first off I remind them, “Yeah, colleges know about the pandemic too, don’t worry. They are aware.”

Jody Moore: They got the word.

Joey Mascio: Yeah, they got the word. Second, “Yeah, but they’re missing out on vital, vital education right now. I know some people have that messaging where it’s like, yeah, but they’re missing out on crucial stuff. This is going to take years, and years, and years to catch up on.” And I just say, “We actually don’t know that.” We do not know that, your kid might be just fine.

I dated a girl who, fourth grade, she hit her head, fell off a horse, hit her head, missed most of fourth grade because of it. And she’s like, “I never learned long division. And because of that I always kind of struggled with math.” But I’m like, “Yeah, but what was your grade in math?” “I mean I passed all my classes, I did just fine, I got into a great college, went to a private college.” And I’m like, “Yeah, so you did fine. You did fine with whatever you were missing out on.”

Jody Moore: That’s beautiful, yes. We could be in regular school full-time and there’s something you don’t pick up or that just is challenging. I totally agree with what you’re saying. That’s the way I think about it. But listen, the whole world is experiencing this pandemic. And even if it weren’t the whole world, everyone in my kids’ school is and in our school district and therefore I definitely don’t envy the schools, and the teachers, and the position that you all are in. But there’s going to be a way to compensate for it.

We’re going to figure it out whether it be this year, next year or however many years to come that we’re going to go, “This child missed this part. We’ve got to figure out a catch up plan or what have you.” Talk to me though Joey about the balance between, you know, as a parent myself I am thinking where is the balance between just going, “Okay, it’s going to be fine, we don’t need to panic about this.”

And yet using it as an opportunity to teach my child about accountability because to your point they never had to do homework actually, they could have always thrown their hands up and go, “Guess what, I don’t have to do this.” It would ultimately affect their grade which may affect things in the future. So at what point as a parent, or what do you recommend to parents in terms of holding kids accountable, teaching them, “Listen, you’re responsible for this.” And going, “You know what? It’s a pandemic. We’re going to let some things slide.”

Joey Mascio: Yeah. So I love that. They’ve always had choice. In fact your kid, especially if they’re later on in their high school career. Guess what? Your kid has taken off a year of English one time, when they had that one teacher they really didn’t like and they really didn’t get along with. They kind of took that year off.

Jody Moore: That’s right.

Joey Mascio: They didn’t learn that much that year. That science teacher that was oh my goodness just had the most monotone voice. They didn’t learn anything that year, they just didn’t. This has already been happening. So first off realize that. And second off, back to the accountability. There is a solution that if they’re in school, if they’re present in school, now they are choosing all the right choices. They are choosing to learn, which is not the case. Now, obviously when they’re in distance learning the circumstances have changed.

And kids, especially when parents are working, kids are at home and they’re like, “Hey, mom’s not here, no teachers here. I’m going to be on YouTube. This is what I’m going to do.” When I talk to parents about it I say, “Give them a choice.” And they go, “Yeah. No, I definitely do.” I go, “No, no, no. Don’t give them the illusion of choice.”

Jody Moore: Like a manipulated choice.

Joey Mascio: Yes. You could do your homework or you can watch YouTube. But we as parents do that because we love them. So we want them to make the right choice. We know that if they make this other choice over here, they’re doing their homework, they’re going to be set up for success, or at least we think we know that. And that’s the story that we tell ourselves. But I tell them, I say, “In order to give them the illusion of choice you actually have to let them choose to do either option, even the ‘wrong’ one. And then you have to let them play it out to the end.”

Jody Moore: So not the illusion of choice but a genuine choice?

Joey Mascio: Yes.

Jody Moore: So do you talk to your kid about, “Hey, these are your choices. You can watch YouTube. I’m not going to be here. I’m not even going to be mad at you if you do. Or you can participate and do your schoolwork. Each of those will lead to different outcomes. And at one point this one may affect your grade, negatively impact your grade.” At what point are there consequences or do we not have to enforce consequences because they’re natural? I mean tell me more about this Joey.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. For me it’s, yeah, definitely up to the parent. Whenever you feel that you need to enact a consequence. So you can feel like you’re doing your job at guiding them, then go right on ahead and enforce a consequence. I liken it to this. So here’s a story of a typical kid that came into The Discipline Office back when we were in person. So he comes in, let’s say he was busted with weed and I’m like, “Hey, welcome back. Come on in. Sit down.” And I talk with him. So he’s going to be in trouble.

There’s school imposed consequences that are just going to happen. Those can motivate, the ones that we create as the authority figure, they definitely can motivate. Rewards that we impose that are kind of more manufactured can definitely motivate. Those are great and I believe in both of those. But here’s what I do, this is where I feel the rubber meets the road in a teen’s mind and when it comes to their choices. I bring the kid in, I sit him down. I go, “Alright, hey, let’s talk about what’s going on for you. What options you have going forward.” I’m like, “What can you do next time?”

And they always, always, always give me the patented answer, “Don’t bring weed to school.” I’m like, “Okay, cool.” I go to whiteboard. “Yeah, that’s an option, let’s write it down. But you have these other options over here. You can bring weed to school again. Let’s write that down as a choice. That’s an option.” And he’s like, “Alright.” I’m like, “And you can smoke in a different bathroom, you know that that one you already got busted in.”

Jody Moore: You can do a better job of hiding it.

Joey Mascio: You can do a much better job, let’s write that down. They always give me a weird look like, “Why are you telling me this?” “Because you’re going to think this anyway, your brain is already aware of this. Let’s just write it down. You also have the option of not bringing weed to school anymore and just quitting it altogether. Let’s write that down.” And I do it, it looks like a spider web, I kind of just write it down. And I walk through, right, I let them walk through. And by doing this they know that I don’t have an agenda for them.

Parents can do this too, even though you have an agenda for it, I secretly have an agenda for this kid. I don’t want him to smoke weed. I don’t want him to get in trouble. But I walk through it and I go, “Okay, so let’s say you bring weed and you never get caught again. What’s going to happen?” “Well, I mean man, I can smoke weed all the time.” “Okay cool, and then what?” “Well, I’ll be like my cousin.” “Well, tell me about your cousin.” “Well, he smokes weed a lot, he doesn’t really do much with his life.” “Okay, so boom, you can be like your cousin, awesome.

The next choice you bring weed again you get caught then what?” “Well, they told me I’m going to get expelled.” “Okay you get expelled then what?” I never go, “You’re going to get expelled, that’s a bad choice.” I just go, “Alright, then what?” “Well, I’ll go to that continuation school down the street.” “Alright. And then what?” And I let them tell me the – I’m not going to tell them what’s going to happen. You’re going to end up flipping burgers. Yeah, they don’t believe that.

And all I do is map it out for them and I go, “Okay, and then what?” And then after we map it all out I go, “What do you want? What do you want in your life?” And they’ll, “Well, I want to run my own mechanic shop one day, I want to do that.” “Awesome, what’s one of these choices most likely going to get you there?” They’ll choose the right choice. And they were led to it rather than me telling them what to do. So definitely enforce consequences. I’m not saying, “Yeah, hands off and don’t do anything.” But it’s so much more powerful when they connect the dots themselves.

Jody Moore: I love that so much. I have been thinking about doing a podcast on this but maybe this is just it, the idea that we have to do a better job I feel like as adults whether we’re teachers, parents, whatever, respecting our kids. There’s a difference between having a similar conversation to what you just described. It’s going to sound totally different if I am not coming from a place of respect for that child. If I’m thinking they don’t know what’s best for them. I need to explain it to them. I need to, they’re making poor choices.

We have all this judgment of these kids and I hear my kids, I have a middle schooler and a higher schooler and I hear them talk about their teachers. And it’s very clear which ones come at it with respect for the kids. And the kids know the difference. So that discussion that you just described is showing that child respect. You can make any decision you want and I’m not even going to judge you for it because I know I make some dumb choices too sometimes. Smoking pot is fun, it feels good.

I mean really respecting where they’re coming from and I love how you acknowledge in that process their ability to think critically and that ultimately they do desire a lot of good things. They’re not just out to cause trouble. They’re not just selfish. They’re not just not caring about anyone but themselves. They really genuinely when you tap into the real part of someone, which it’s only safe for them to be vulnerable and be authentic like that when you come at it with the level of respect that you just described. And I think that’s amazing, yeah.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. I think that’s awesome, you nailed it. And when you don’t respect them you feed into what’s the root cause for teens not making good choices. You feed into the anti hero story they are telling themselves about themselves. I’m big on stories. My degree was in creative writing. I worked in Hollywood for a bit, breaking into the television industry and all that fun stuff. I’m a huge believer in stories. When parents go, “Okay, I get it, give them the choice. But then how do I help them?” And for me it’s help them tell a more heroic story about themselves.

And that’s what I’m all about because when they get there and after they go, “Okay, yeah, I want to do that but Joey dude how do I do that?” And then they go, “How do I, I keep falling back into this stuff.” And the clients I work with mostly now are students who are super successful or they’re valedictorians. I have a couple of pre med college students that I’m working with, or kids who are struggling. But either way they’re like, “Yeah, I want to do that”, once they recognize that how.

And I go, “You’ve got to tell a better story about yourself. You are the main character in your story. Stop acting like the sidekick. Sidekicks are not in control of their fate. They need to be rescued. They get pushed around by everything. But the hero is always in control of their outcome every single time.”

Jody Moore: I love that so much. I will say I had parents who were really good at this. I always felt like they respected me. And even when I was in ‘trouble’ for me it was end of high school just not wanting to come home on time, curfew, stuff like that. I wasn’t too naughty but a little bit of things like that. But I remember my dad sitting me down and saying, “Alright, let’s talk about this. Tell me why you make this choice?”

Because I was like, “That’s a stupid rule. I shouldn’t have to come home by midnight. I’m the only kid of all my friends that’s not getting drunk and doing all – I’m the one that’s making good choices. I shouldn’t have to come home.” But he would say to me, “Okay.” I felt like he would hear me out at least even though he didn’t change his rule.

And he would say, “For a minute put yourself in my shoes. I’m your dad, I worry about you. Your mom and I, we want to make sure you’re safe. We feel strongly about this and you continue to not do it. What would you do if you were us? What decision would you make or how would you enforce this? What do you think should be the consequence for this?”

And I just remember though having that discussion and it felt similar to when I worked in corporate where with employees and bosses ideally you’re sitting down together figuring out, okay, this is what we expect of you. You’re not able to do it, tell me why? What do you need? How do we make this work? Let’s work together with mutual respect to see if we can work through this. And I think that I know it can be challenging to do. Again I know with some kids maybe aren’t up for that discussion. But I think it has to start with us as the parents. We have to respect them first.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. I call that free range parenting with firm fences. Let them make their choices. You have fences, it’s midnight. I’m not budging on midnight. You’re coming home by midnight. But you’re letting them choose the path that they take and why. And letting them realize the fence isn’t moving, why do you want to stay on this side of it?

Jody Moore: And what’s the consequence if you don’t and things like that. Yeah, I think that that’s just so important and challenging to do because we do as adults think, we just have lots of judgment of them because we see the choices they’re making but we forget we were all there at one point. I wanted to also hear your thoughts about just coaching of young people in general.

I know you and I have had kind of some discussions about the idea that in so many cases the parents reach out saying, “Do you have someone that can coach my teenager?” And my first thought is your teenager doesn’t need coaching, you do. But also maybe they both do. And I don’t mean that something’s wrong with them. I think we all do. I need coaching. We all need coaching.

Joey Mascio: Everybody.

Jody Moore: So do you coach teenagers? Do you require that their parents are getting coached as well? Or tell me your experience in this area.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. When I first started out I didn’t have any kind of wording like this. It was essentially, yeah, if you want me to coach your teen I will. And I had one experience where I’d jump on a call with a consult and the teen, I mean like they’re deer in headlights. And no parent was around. And she’s like, “I have no idea why I’m here.” I’m like, “Oh, okay. Well, your mom said you need coaching on…”

Jody Moore: Your mom wants me to fix you.

Joey Mascio: Yeah, on this. And for her it was on losing weight. And she’s like, “What?”

Jody Moore: Oh my word, that’s terrible.

Joey Mascio: It was the most awkward call I’ve ever had. I’m like, “Oh my goodness.” So from there and also listening to you and talking about other things, so I’ve developed a way. I’ve done my messaging a little bit better. So when teens come to me I say it on my website and say it when they book, I go, “Your teen has to be onboard. Your teen has to want it.” And I give them four options. Does your teen want to be coached? No, kind of no, kind of yes, yes.

Jody Moore: I love it.

Joey Mascio: And I let them self-evaluate. I don’t get any no’s. Nobody books who clicks on the no; because I think they’re like, if I want to click no. No. Because I say it right above it, “I do not coach teens who do not want to be coached.”

Jody Moore: Well, you just can’t. You can’t coach someone against their will.

Joey Mascio: Yeah, and that’s not a thing. But with teens there is a slight difference from coaching adults. Some teens appear that they don’t want to be coached but deep down they’re like I need help. I would be up for help. I would be up for it. Some teens don’t know what coaching is. And when I sit down with my consults now it’s very clear, parent and teen, both of them are there. I teach them both the model. Afterwards I always tell the parents. Usually right now I would say half of my clients are either coaches or people in your program who are already being coached.

But if they’re not I send them over to Ben Pugh who is the other LCS, LDS coach that I work with who coaches parents of teens. I say, “Go talk with Ben, it’s very beneficial for both of you to be learning these skills at the same time.” So then I have that.

But when I’m meeting with a teen I always be real with them like, “Be honest, you have no idea what’s going on right now, right?” And they always go, “Yeah, my mom told me.” I’m like, “How long ago did your mom tell you about this?” And sometimes they’re like, “Half an hour ago.” I’m like, “Wonderful, wonderful. Do you even know what life coaching is?” They’re like, “I have no idea.” So then I just let them know what it is.

Generally once I explain that I’m not a therapist. “I’m going to help you get from baseline to optimal living. I’m a success coach. I’m going to help you be successful and reach your goals.” And I tell and I have to be clear with the parents. I go, “Parents, you’re paying that I work for your teen. So when you tell me, “Hey, please coach him on this and that.”” And I’ve had parents, “Hey, I want you to coach him on say more than one word answers.” And I go, “I’m going to ask him if that’s what he wants to work on. And if he says no, I’m not going to coach him on that.”

Jody Moore: That’s right.

Joey Mascio: That means you need to get coached on that. Yeah, the parent needs to go get coached on that. What are you…

Jody Moore: And why you need your child to be different.

Joey Mascio: Yes. Now, if I ask the teen, “Hey, you only give one word answers says your dad, are you fine with that?” And they go, “I just never know what to say.” “Would you like to give more than one word answers?” “I would, I just don’t know.” “Cool, let’s coach on that then.”

Jody Moore: Yeah, that’s right. Yeah, because we’re trying to help them become, this is true of coaching in general is we’re trying to help you become the highest version of yourself, not the version of yourself that your dad thinks you should be because those things are not always aligned.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. And teen brains will just shut down, all of our brains if we’re told what to do or what needs to be, they’ll just shut down. And so I always tell them, I say, “Your goal is my goal, whatever your goals are. And then I’m going to push you towards those goals.” And it happens quite often too where the kid will tell me their goals and the parent will be like, “Well, also talk to them about grades, bring their grades up.” I’m like, “Hey, he didn’t tell me grades are one of his goals. But don’t worry. These things I am teaching him and coaching him are going to help him in those areas too.”

And almost without fail over the course of the program when I’m working with them it will come out that, “Yeah, also there’s this other thing, grades.” I go, “Cool, let’s talk about that.” But they have to want it, they have to be ready.

Jody Moore: That’s right. Oh my gosh, I love so much that you’re doing it. It’s so important and it’s just amazing when they’re open to it, any other words of wisdom or advice for parents right now?

Joey Mascio: Yeah. So for me it goes back to help your kid, help your teen come up with a more heroic story about themselves. There’s this activity that I do that parents can do. And I want to do it with you right now Jody.

Jody Moore: Let’s do it, good, I want to be the hero. I’m already my hero but let’s make it even better.

Joey Mascio: Let’s do it. I call it your name the blank. And so you know how those people that exist in histories or folklore stories, Alexander the Great, Ivan the Terrible?

Jody Moore: Yes.

Joey Mascio: You know exactly who they are just by hearing their name. So your name the blank is to come up with your character title that motivates you, that you think that you are or you want to be one day. So Jody, what is your favorite adjective?

Jody Moore: Real quickly, I have to say I love this activity because I used to think about this. There’s a couple of songs on the radio, or they’re older songs but they use a celebrity name like you’re saying like an adjective. There is one that used to say trying to get my usher on. And I was like, “So you know usher is smooth with the ladies. You know what that means.” There’s another one that says I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan. She’s known for that whatever she stole.

And I used to think about that, what do I want to be known for if somebody was like, “I just told a Jody Moore”, what do I want that to mean? And what does that mean? Does it mean what I want it to mean? So anyway, I love this activity. Oh gosh.

Joey Mascio: And that’s actually called something. In my creative writing degree it was something where you use a proper noun as an adjective, I forget.

Jody Moore: Okay, it has a name but…

Joey Mascio: It has a name, if I was smarter I would think of it.

Jody Moore: I guess the word wise comes to mind but that also sounds more serious than I like to be. I like to just – tell me.

Joey Mascio: The wizen.

Jody Moore: The wizen, you just make up a word, yeah?

Joey Mascio: Yeah, totally.

Jody Moore: Yeah, because I like the idea that I’m wise, I have good advice but I also like to keep things light. And we don’t need to get too serious about anything. So wizen could be good because it’s just a funny made up word.

Joey Mascio: I think there’s a word similar to that one, the wizened. But we’re just going to go with it, right?

Jody Moore: Okay, alright.

Joey Mascio: So that’s the thing, Jody the wizen, when you picture her, I mean you can picture what she looks like, right?

Jody Moore: Yeah, she’s a darling.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. She’s the best. So then what does she – how does she live her everyday life?

Jody Moore: This is a good question. She’s adventurous and she likes to learn. She laughs a lot. She likes to be with people. So I would say learning, growing, I picture, like I’m so missing live events right now. So I’m just picturing events. When I picture the live events though it’s not just me on the stage, it’s me talking to all these people, getting to know them and learning from other people too.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. So what does Jody the wizen do when she wants to be in front of people but can’t?

Jody Moore: Then she sits in the second row. I don’t like to be in the front row but I like to be in the second row. And she pays really close attention and soaks in all the learning she can from whoever is on the stage.

Joey Mascio: Right. But during this pandemic, right?

Jody Moore: Yeah, I see what you mean.

Joey Mascio: What do you do when you can’t physically be in front of people?

Jody Moore: Yeah. Then she creates some really amazing online things.

Joey Mascio: Which you told me about, yeah. And so I would go through with more of these questions. What do you do when the struggle happens? What does Jody the wizen do? What does your name the blank do when this happens? What happens when they miss an assignment? What does your name the blank do when they miss an assignment? And you start coaching them through. And well, I mean they step up and they do it. I’ve had Mark the conqueror. I’ve had Olivia the adventurer. I’ve had so many great titles and then I can just refer back to them.

Every choice you make, measure it up against that, what would your character title do? So parents, that is something you can do with your teens. And help them tell that more heroic stories about themselves.

Jody Moore: I love it, it’s so good. Okay, Joey, where can people find you and get help from you for themselves or their teenagers?

Joey Mascio: Well, I have a podcast it’s called Secrets for an Awesome Life. And it’s geared right to teenagers, keep them 15 minutes long. There’s always a story or a metaphor element in it. Listen to that within the car, something like that. So the main way that I always tell people to go is Firmly Founded is my website. If you go to firmlyfounded.com/teen, me and three other LDS certified life coaches run this program just for teens. And the first 30 days are absolutely free.

Jody Moore: What? Everyone needs to get in there right now.

Joey Mascio: Yeah. And it’s the best because we do live coaching workshops where me and the other coaches jump on. We’re laughing, we’re ribbing each other. We’re bringing on other kids. We just did one on Tuesday and one of the girls commented in the chat, she’s like, “Well, I’ve been deaf my whole life. I’m the ASB President, I do this.” And we were like, “What? You’ve got to come on. Can we bring you on?” And we just got to talk with her and interviewed her. And we do some coaching. We do some teaching. It’s a lot of fun.

We have a slew of videos that they can listen to and I’ve gamified the whole thing.

Jody Moore: I love it.

Joey Mascio: Yeah, I love it. And they can win Amazon gift cards. And next week we’re doing our family one where we’re doing a scavenger hunt battle where they can win a $100 Amazon gift card for the whole family. And it’s super duper fun. And it’s low risk for your teen to go in. And it is by far the best way to introduce your teen to life coaching.

Jody Moore: And then if they love it they could do more personalized things later if they wanted, so firmlyfounded.com/teen?

Joey Mascio: Correct.

Jody Moore: And Secrets for an Awesome Life, we’ll link to it in the show notes here, so I just want to make sure. Thank you so much for your time Joey, it’s so helpful.

Joey Mascio: You are welcome. And thank you very much, from all the – coming full circle going all the way back to when I first listened over my wife’s shoulder to your podcast, you have been my coach and my motivator ever since then. And it’s an honor to be on your podcast.

Jody Moore: I love watching you go too. And Joey just went through my advanced certification program. So I’ve gotten to see you coach a little bit and just get to know you and amazing work you’re doing.

Joey Mascio: Thank you.

                                                                                                                   

Who is your life coach? If you don’t have one I would be so honored to be your coach. I created a virtual coaching program called Be Bold that I want to invite you to join me in. We can address challenges, we can work on goals, and we can do it in so many different ways.

We have group coaching, individual private coaching, and online chats along with hundreds of hours of courses and content that I’ve created just for you. When you’re ready to really take what you’re learning on the podcast to the 10x level, then come check out Be Bold at JodyMoore.com/membership.