380. How to Get Out of a Rut

I’m Jody Moore and this is Better Than Happy, episode 380: How to Get Out of a Rut.

Did you know that you can live a life that’s even better than happy? My name is Jody Moore. I’m a master certified life coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And if you’re willing to go with me I can show you how. Let’s go.

Who feels like they’re stuck in a rut, anyone, or is it just me? This podcast episode is as much for me as anyone else today because I’ve been in a rut for a little while and I feel like I’m starting to come out of it, but I’ve said that before and then I’ve fallen right back into it again, so maybe. Maybe not, maybe I’m going to be in a rut for a while. I wanted to purposely record it while I was still feeling in a rut which is just a story by the way, but it’s the story that I’m believing right now.

I wanted to record it in the middle of that because it’s one thing to hear me talk about a problem that I’ve already solved or maybe a problem that I haven’t even ever experienced. It’s another thing when I can share it with you from within it. I hope that that is helpful in different ways. There’s different times when we need different things. But I think that there’s a lot of power to sort of having somebody walk side by side with you through a challenge versus somebody ahead of you, and again a time and a place for both.

But that’s what this episode is going to be about and if you’re not in a rut currently then awesome. And I still think that this is going to come in really handy because probably one day you will be again if you’re like most of us. So, before we dive in, I want to make sure that you are registered to join me for Train Your Brain because I can only actually scratch the surface on the help that I’m able to provide you, the relief that is available, the level of empowerment and feeling better that’s available to you is 10x through the work that I do.

There’s a lot of ways to get help but through my line of work, through life coaching I can only barely scratch the surface through a podcast. Through coaching I can take you 10 times deeper. And that is not an exaggeration. And so that is why I teach things like Train Your Brain. It’s $19. It’s five days for 90 minutes a day on Zoom or through replay if you can’t be there live. So, I’ve designed it to be sort of intense, I call it a coaching intensive because it’s five days back to back which is kind of intense. Normally when I coach clients it’s not five days in a row like that.

But I want to give you a sort of condensed, intensified experience like that that still isn’t a huge time or money commitment so that you can come and test out life coaching. And see if it is as powerful for you as it has been for me and the thousands and thousands of others that have gone through and worked with myself or another coach. So, Train Your Brain starts November 14^th and it’s 19 bucks. And you can join me at jodymoore.com/intensive and you’ll be glad you did. I’ll see you there.

Okay, so let’s talk about – oops, let me silence my phone first because it’s blowing up over here for some reason. I need to get my notifications adjusted. Gosh, I have one of those phone cases that makes it so that the silence button is hard to access. Look at me just complaining. You know why I’m complaining about little things like that? Because I’m in a rut. That is one of the signs that you’re sort of in a rut. Now, being in a rut is not a real thing. It is a thought. It is a made up construct that we all say.

And if saying that or thinking that keeps you stuck then it’s not useful. And I am actually going to be getting coached by my friend, Molly. Molly volunteered to coach me and I’m going to take her up on it. Or I’ll call Bev Aron, or Brooke Castillo, or one of my usual coaches, or Kris Plachy. I have a lot that I go to and say, “I need some coaching, let’s go.” So, I’ll probably get coached on this. But right now, where I’m at is I’m thinking I’m in a rut. And I know that’s a thought, and it may not be a thought that’s serving me but that is my thought right now.

And one of the signs, one of the ways that I know I’m in a rut aside from a lot of things I’m going to tell you, but is that I start complaining a lot more. I become like just right there, trying to turn off my phone. I start complaining about how this phone case doesn’t fit my phone right. It’s such a little thing, it’s so dumb, it’s so not necessary to complain about. There’s so many easy fixes and solutions and in fact I don’t know about you but when I’m in a rut and I start complaining about little things like that, people try to offer me solutions which I do not want to hear.

They say things like, “You could just take the case off. You don’t actually have to have a case on your phone.” Or, “There’s another case that I think is actually the right size for your phone in the junk drawer in the kitchen, we could just put that one on your phone.” Or whatever, they give me solutions which super annoy me when I’m in a rut. I don’t want to hear your solutions. I just want to complain, and be grumpy, and negative about this thing that has a very easy fix and isn’t even a real problem. Are you with me?

So, the phone that I just did just now in real time here on the podcast, that’s just one example. When I hear myself do it out loud. I’m much more aware of it now that I make life coaching a huge part of my life. I’m much more aware of it than I used to be 10 years ago when I would get in a rut. And that’s a good thing, awareness is a useful and necessary first step. And it also keeps me from spiraling because I’ll hear myself say it and then I’ll sort of cut myself off and redirect.

What was it I was talking to my family about yesterday, my teenagers and my husband? And I heard myself just complaining. I don’t even remember what it was about. It was not anything that was a major problem. I just started talking and saying how this is annoying, and this thing bothers me, and this always goes wrong. And they were all related but as I was saying it out loud, I realized they’re all watching me, waiting to hear what my question is, or to offer me some help.

And I didn’t have a question, and I didn’t want help. That’s how we know we’re just complaining. I just said, “And so yeah, I’m just complaining for a minute, so I’ll stop complaining now, sorry. Thanks for listening to me. I just wanted to say that out loud for some reason.” And they’re like, “Okay.” And then we move on. So, if you notice yourself complaining, and some of you have been in a rut for years. Some of you maybe have been complaining for a long time not realizing that you’re in a rut. So that’s an indicator.

Let me tell you the other things for me, and this is just me. I don’t know what it looks like for you when you’re sort of stuck in a rut. But for me, I also start feeling sorry for myself. Self-pity is one of my go-to’s when I’m in a rut. Poor me. Now, self-pity is an emotion that comes from thoughts. I don’t know what your self-pity thoughts are but mine are things like, you know what? I have to be strong for everyone.

I have to be the coach, and everybody looks up to me and they’re like. “Jody Moore, you’re helping me so much.” Who’s there for me? Poor me. Where do I go when I’m struggling? And I can’t always be the strong one, and not just in my business but in my life in general. I always have to be the responsible one and the one that people go to and the one that keeps track of the kids’ schedules or whatever it is. Poor me. well, I shouldn’t always have to be the strong one. I shouldn’t have to be the one who does everything.

Why do I have to do everything? And for me it’s not like in my home life, I know I don’t do everything. My husband does so much for our kids, and around the house, and takes care of a lot of things. So, for me it doesn’t sound like poor me, I have to do everything with the kids. I know it does for some of you listening. For me it’s just like poor me, I have to be the strong confident happy one. I don’t ever get to break down. So that’s not true for me just like you having to do everything around the house isn’t true for you either. They’re just stories.

So, I’m just simply trying to point out to you that stories like poor me, I have to… create self-pity. We start feeling sorry for ourselves. How do you feel when you feel sorry for yourself? I feel sluggish, and tired, and I don’t like myself. I don’t like the part of myself that’s feeling sorry for myself, but I also don’t like myself in general. I’m just more critical of me, of the way I sound when I talk, the clothes I’m wearing, what my hair looks like, whether I ate the right foods or not.

I just don’t really like myself when I’m in self-pity. It’s not very fun to be with me. Just like it’s not fun to be with anyone who’s feeling sorry for themselves. For me, another component of this particular rut that I’m in anyway is anxiety. I have been having so much anxiety the last month or two, more than normal for me. I don’t tend to get anxiety that often, but I do sometimes, and it’s definitely been more than the normal amount of anxiety.

I’ve had anxiety about all kinds of weird things, about winter coming, about my kids, about travelling, about my business, about just anxiety about all kinds of things. Now, again, anxiety’s an emotion. It’s coming from thoughts. It’s coming from my brain sort of running away with what if stories and that’s not necessarily useful. I’m going to tell you in a minute some of the things that I do when I’m in a rut to try to pull myself out of it. But just know that for me anxiety is really a big part of it lately.

And I keep wanting someone to take care of me. I want to give it to someone else. I want someone else to sort of coddle me or comfort me. For example, I’ve been travelling a lot this fall and I said to my husband, “I’m just so tired of travelling and being away from the family and being away from the kids and everything. And some of that I can’t help right now because I have these commitments, but could you just go with me on one of these trips I’m going on for work, could you just come with me?”

And he said, “Sure.” And he did go with me, and it was a quick trip and a pretty far distance. And so, lots of early mornings, and late nights, and long travel. And I was really grateful that he did that, but I remember thinking, I thought that he was just going to carry me through this experience. And then it wasn’t going to be hard. And that’s not the case of course. He can’t take away my negative emotion for me, even if he’s willing to and wants to, which he is willing to.

In my mind it’s like, everything’s going to be okay because I’m going to be able to just be the immature mess child and I’ll have someone else there. I’ll have my husband there to pick me up, pick up the pieces, comfort me, make everything okay. And even when he’s willing, which he is, that’s just not a thing that is available because I’m an adult woman and my own thinking is creating my own experience anyway. And so that’s just good to know, nothing wrong with connecting and I’m glad my husband went with me, but it’s not the cure all that we think it’s going to be.

There’s not someone else that can come in and rescue me, and take away the pain, that’s just good to know. I still try though, I still reach out to maybe one of my sisters, or a friend, or someone and think they’re going to say the thing that’s going to change everything. And they want to, they try to. So far I haven’t found that magic cure anywhere outside of me. So, one last thing I want to say about what this rut looks like for me internally, then I’m going to talk a little bit about what it looks like externally, is that I’m just more sensitive emotionally than I am at other times in my life.

So, for example my husband was watching a show and it was not a true story, it was a fictional crime series of some sort. But just seeing other people be harmed, or in danger, or seeing people mistreat one another and be unkind to each other, I notice all my anxiety flare up. Normally I could watch a show like that and know that it’s not real, but when I’m in the state I’m in right now it, I can’t. I have to just remove myself from the room, I can’t. I don’t I should say, I could but I choose not to.

I’m like, “There’s no need to further intensify my struggle and my negative emotion by exposing myself to this story that I know is just a story.” But your brain doesn’t really know the difference. There’s a part of us anyway that doesn’t know the difference. And so again I’m just more sensitive and so I’ve got to be more careful about what I’m exposing myself to when I can. So, what does this look like? Well, for me externally I kind of described that it looks like me complaining more. I’m definitely more negative, more cynical.

I tend to go to sarcasm and cynicism when I’m in a state like this. I’m more guarded. I’m more careful about what I will say, which is interesting because one of the things that we crave that can be helpful to us when we’re in a rut is connection with others. And one of the things that prevents connection is being guarded and yet that’s what we do. I become more guarded. I’m afraid to say something because if the person doesn’t respond the way that I would like them to then I’m going to be hurt again.

I’m in this heightened state of sensitivity which causes us to put our guard up, which prevents connection. So, I’m not judging that right now of myself, I’m just noticing it, that I’m more guarded. I’m less open with others. I’m more tired. I have less energy. I’m sleeping more but I’m still tired more. I am not motivated to get myself to do the things that I want to do. It’s harder to get myself moving. And it starts showing up at some point in the results in my lives, in our lives I should say. I only have one life, but my life and your life.

Sometimes it shows up in terms of things not working in my business as smoothly as they normally do, or my house being more cluttery, and messy, and not being able to keep up on the housework. Eventually my body starts to not feel good because I’m probably not eating as well or as thoughtfully, or moving as much. So, it’s results sort of immediate, not feeling good and not acting my best. But then also eventually it’s going to trickle down into my more obvious result line. And again, it’s okay, it’s not bad.

I don’t want you to think that when you’re in a rut that you need to judge it. That’s one thing I’m good at is not judging it. I’m not like, “Come on, Jody, you’re a life coach, you shouldn’t get into a rut like this.” I’m like. “No, Jody, you’re a human.” Coaching is not a cure for the human condition I’m sorry to say. And again, being in a rut today is a totally different experience for me than it was 10 years ago. I don’t spiral down as deep in that rut because I don’t judge it, because I don’t make it mean that I’m weak, or not grateful, or not praying enough or something like that.

I just know I’m a human being going through a human experience and so what do I do? That’s what I want to talk to you about for the rest of this episode. Now, I’m going to give you some of the things that I do but these are not in any particular order. And it’s not an all-inclusive list. And I’m not even trying to give you a prescription of what to do because what works for me to help me get out of a rut might not be the same thing that works for you.

So, I just want to preface with that, but these are the – I think I have six things here I came up with that really help me. And these are things I’m trying to be more focused on right now.

So, the first thing that I do, and this is again new to me since discovering coaching eight years. I never used to do this before is I just feel my feelings. I just know, okay, I’ve got to feel feelings right now because I’m having feelings, I’m having a lot of emotions and some more intense emotions, a lot of less pleasurable emotions than I normally have. But the alternative isn’t just get rid of them or feel them. It’s just feel them or resist them. As far as I know those are the options. It’s either feel them or resist them and cause even more struggle as we resist them.

So, when the feeling is there, any feeling you’re feeling you have to first just feel it before we take a look at the thoughts creating it, before we do coaching, as soon as that chemical or hormone has been released in your body by your internal organs then you have to process it, it’s not going to just disappear. We can prevent your body from releasing more of that chemical through coaching, we can minimize how much of it gets released. But once it’s released in the body, we’ve got to deal with it in a healthy way in order to not cause further problems or intensify that emotion.

Are you with me? That’s all feelings are, emotions are just chemicals and hormones released by your internal organs at the direction of the sentences in your brain. And so, once they’ve been released we have to breathe, and allow them, and let them be there. So, I’m doing a lot of that right now. I’m doing lots of breathing, lots of just sitting, so in sort of a meditative state or I will walk, I’ll get some fresh air and some movement while I feel feelings. I find that to be really helpful for me.

But feeling a feeling isn’t the same and for me anyway, when I go to feel a feeling it’s not about journaling, it’s not about talking it out with someone else. Those are useful exercises, or they can be. But to me those are different than just feeling feelings. Feeling a feeling happens in my body, it’s breathing, it’s relaxing my muscles as much as possible. It’s getting quiet and still in my body and noticing where that feeling is happening, noticing what it’s like, allowing it to be there, sort of almost embracing it even.

Just allowing it to be there all the while taking deep breaths and trying to relax and let that chemical or hormone do whatever it needs to do in my body until it subsides. So, I’m doing lots of feeling feelings right now. That’s not very fun but also not that that bad, okay, that’s number one.

Number two, basic selfcare, the kind of selfcare that most people talk about that we’ve been taught about even since we were kids, there’s a reason why we’ve been talking about it forever and are still talking about it is because it is essential and important. And it seems so basic that many of us neglect it thinking that won’t work because I do think that the basic selfcare alone isn’t as powerful as selfcare with all the other things that I include. But basic selfcare, what I mean by that is trying to eat better food, get a lit bit of exercise.

A little bit of exercise at my age, I’m going to be 48 pretty soon in a couple of weeks. It doesn’t even have to be very intense, just going for a walk or lifting some weights for 15 or 20 minutes in my bedroom, or hopping on the Peloton, which is actually pretty intense for me, but a little bit of movement goes a long way for me it in terms of not only my physical health, but my mental and emotional health. So, moving my body a little bit, getting fresh air, getting enough sleep. This is huge.

I’m going to give a shout out to Mixhers. We love the team over at Mixhers. When I am in a rut like this I will sometimes at night take the Mixhers Shenightly I think it’s called, Shenightly I want to say. It just helps relax you and it helps you, for me anyway, it helps me get a deeper sleep so that I really genuinely wake up feeling refreshed. That’s what it says on the packaging, it says wake up feeling refreshed. But until I tried it I didn’t realize how awesome it is. I don’t feel drugged.

I don’t feel tired and sluggish like I’ve taken a heavy sleep medication. I just feel like I’ve slept deeper and therefore I’m more refreshed. So, I’m not opposed to getting a little help with your sleep in whatever way you want to try. I like the Mixhers because sleep is so important. Lack of sleep makes everything harder. And when your life is already hard and you’re not sleeping, even harder. So basic selfcare, exercise, nutrition sleep, fresh air, you know this. Alright, that’s number two.

Number three, oh my gosh, this is an exercise I love so much. I started calling it after reading a book where somebody talked about a life coach that they worked with, and their life coach called it subtraction. I was like, “That’s such a brilliant word.” I do an exercise called subtraction sometimes when I’m just like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, anxious, what’s going on. Let’s do a little subtraction.”

Because I’ll tell you what I mean by subtraction, but I don’t know about you, but my brain tends to go towards addition instead of subtraction, when I’m feeling in a rut, trying to get out of it. It’s like, I should buy something new, addition, I should add a new piece of clothing, or shoes, or something to my closet, or maybe we’re low on groceries. I should go to the grocery store and buy some staff. Or maybe I should start consuming information in some way. I should sit down and watch something on Netflix, or maybe I just need to join another program, or club, or something.

Or I maybe need to have a girl’s night. Now, again, some of these things can be useful but notice what we’re doing is trying to add. We’re adding events or objects, tangible things, food. Sometimes just, you know what I should do? Go get a treat. I should add some food to my body, that’s addition. But what I found to be more powerful than addition even though it doesn’t feel like it would be in the moment, is subtraction.

Subtraction, maybe I should cancel some plans. Maybe I should do less. Maybe I should cut back on the number of items in my closet. Maybe I should get rid of some clothing or some shoes. Maybe I should clean out a closet. Maybe I should clean out the fridge or the pantry instead of going to the store and buying more food. Subtraction, maybe I should start expecting a little bit less of myself maybe for long term or at least just temporarily. Maybe I want to expect less of myself.

Maybe I’m going to do less. Can you imagine? Subtraction my friends. It’s harder to get started with, addition’s much more fun to get started with. I’ll just go to Target, or go to their website, or I’ll go to Anthropology website and see what’s there. Easy to get started. Subtraction, much harder to go get myself to clean out the pantry, or the fridge, or whatever. But you know what? After I buy something, I have a temporary hit of dopamine after I get it, and then it’s gone. But when I subtract, when I get rid of stuff, when I clean stuff out, how long does back pleasure last? Much longer.

So, try some subtraction if you’re in a rut. It’s like simplifying, simplify your life. I simplify my business. I simplify the way we’re eating, super powerful.

Okay, number four. This is again something that we’ve been taught over and over again, and especially within our faith tradition of the LDS church. We like to talk about serving others. And it really is a powerful way, probably one of the most powerful ways that I’ve found to get myself out of a rut is to start thinking about others. But I do want to clarify. I’ll give some examples in a minute. But I think we say, “We should think about others so that we’re not thinking about ourselves.”

And I just want to reframe it to think about others at least as much as you’re thinking about yourself. But I think you still do have to do these other things I’m talking about, like selfcare, you do still need to think about yourself and what you need, and trying to meet your own needs and take care of yourself. So, I don’t think it’s that you’re being selfish and it’s wrong to think about yourself and that’s why we serve.

I just think that thinking about others, there’s something within us that’s so natural and innate that wants to love, and help, and make a difference for someone else. That doing that, just like subtraction gives us a huge amount of pleasure and joy. So does serving someone else, a more long lasting real sustainable type of joy rather than the quick dopamine hit we get just from buying something at Target. And so sometimes I do this thinking about others in little ways.

I don’t always call it service because my brain rejects that word sometimes. I think I have some service trauma from being a youth growing up. Not that I had to do anything terrible, I really didn’t. But it was like we’re going to go do something fun and then we’re going to serve and that’s not going to be fun, but we’re just going to do it because we’re supposed to. And I don’t like to think about it that way anymore. I like to think about, I’m going to think about others and that’s going to be fun for me and for them.

And I’m actually not going to, unless I have a reason I like, I’m not going to go do things I don’t want to do because I can serve people doing things that I want to do, that I like doing. And so again, I don’t call it service, I just call it thinking about others, not thinking about just myself. So, one of the things I did recently is I just texted my mom and dad and said, “Let’s go to lunch.” Not because I’m going to be so serving by going to lunch with them, but because I enjoy going to lunch. I enjoy seeing them and going on lunch with them.

And my husband came with me too. So, the four of us have a good time and we often don’t get to just talk like that because often when we get together the kids are all there and lots of family. And so just the four of us going to lunch at Café Nordstrom, it allows me to think about them for a minute and hear what’s going on in their lives, and connect with them, and feel seen and heard by them as well. So just something little like connect with some people that you love.

I got a message not too long ago saying, “Hey, the local high school chapter of FBLA, which is Future Business Leaders of America is holding a conference for high school kids. Would you come and talk about entrepreneurship?” Often I say no to things that are going to take up more time in my schedule but because I’m in this rut and I love talking about entrepreneurship and I know that showing up and helping a bunch of high school kids is a great thing to do. I was like, “Yes, actually it just so happens I’m available that day. Yes, I would love to come and do that.”

It’s not something that’s going to generate leads in my business or anything like that. It’s just I need to serve right now. I need to give. Here’s the thing, when I go speak at a conference like that, I have zero expectation on myself of we’ve got to make sure we generate leads from this. And we’ve got to make sure it really turns into something profitable or else that wasn’t a good use of your time. It’s just purely for the sake of I love talking about entrepreneurship. If there’s a bunch of kids who want to talk about it and learn about it too, I’m in. That will be a nice way for me to give and it will be fun for me.

Those kinds of activities really help me stop complaining and help me start to come out of a rut. I have some new callings at church. So sometimes I’ll just go, “You know what, Jody? You’re kind of struggling today. Why don’t you focus on your new calling with the young women?” Or I have a new calling teaching some of the high school seniors about some life skills. So why don’t we stop and think about that instead of going, “Well, it’s work time. We’ve got to get some work done.”

Or even the kids are home, I’ve got to be with the kids. Well, sometimes but also sometimes let’s stop and think about your church calling. It’s a great way to serve. Even in my business I’m like, “Are we in a rut in my business? And if so, then let’s think about how can we utilize the resources in our business?” Meaning the profit, the staff, the knowledge, the tools, the clients, the platform. How do we utilize that to serve in some way? Let’s create a project that isn’t like we’re going to be really successful with this project, but just we’re going to give back with this project.

Maybe we just have a service project, a non-profit project within the business that can help us just feel like we’re moving again. Nothing’s wrong in the business, I still love the business. Our clients are amazing. We’re doing amazing things, the staff is amazing. It’s just it feels like we’re just sort of repeating ourselves. And I’m used to us growing really fast. And there’s some benefit to just repeating. But I want to make sure that we keep evolving in whatever way we want to evolve. And so, a non-profit might be a great way to do that.

And then again just in my own life just recommitting to the little simple things I like doing like reading with my kids. I have a third grader and a first grader and so they’re both in that phase where they’re either learning to read or my third grader is just developing his reading skills still, and his vocabulary, and his comprehension, everything. And so, they’re supposed to be reading a lot. And sometimes I’ll say to them, “Hey, don’t forget to do your reading.” And they sit down with their books. But other times I’m like, “Come on, let’s read together.”

And so, we’ve been just checking out new books, and just sitting down and reading together. I mean it’s a little thing but it’s good for them and for me. Now, I know what I just told you goes against the previous thing I told you of subtraction. So don’t get confused about it. There’s times to say no and there’s times to say yes. I’m just saying all of these activities sometimes I go, “I’m sort of feeling stuck. What can I do that would be fun for me and would help me think about others?”

And there’s others times when I go, “I’m feeling stuck, let’s do some subtraction.” So, you have to think somewhat organically, not in a really linear checklist way about these things I’m giving you. By the way, one other thing I wanted to add when it comes to reading with your kids. If you have young kids like I do there is a series of books maybe you already know about them because you probably read with your kids all the time. But I did not know about them until my first grade daughter said, “Mom, can we order some of these books on Amazon.”

There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed, fill in the blank. Now, of course I know that song and that story from growing up. There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. But they’ve written a whole series of books where she swallows all these different things. Last night we read, There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed Some Leaves. And they’re just amazing, and fun, and silly. And so those are some good books I would recommend if you want some fun books to read with your kids.

Okay, I’ve got two more, are you ready? The number five thing that I do is going to get more into what I typically teach when it comes to thought work, and this is to notice when I’m feeling sorry for myself and challenge myself not to. I sort of spoke to this a little bit earlier when I was talking about getting into a rut and complaining. But again, for me the self-pity is such a dominant part of my rut. And it keeps me deeper into a rut. And the truth is, our brains are really good at finding really valid reasons for what we’re believing and what we’re feeling.

I can tell you some stories of things that you would go, “Oh my gosh, you’re right, that sounds so hard.” Or even, “What? I would be freaking out way more than you are if that had happened.” I could tell you really valid stories about why I’m feeling sorry for myself. It doesn’t matter, they’re still just stories. And the reason I’m not telling them to you is because I’m in a rut right now. I’m trying to get out of a rut. And the more I tell those stories and the more empathy, and validation, and everything I get for those stories, the deeper in the rut I go. I don’t want to be in a rut.

I don’t want to feel sorry for myself and I don’t need to because there are just as many stories I could tell you where you would go, “What? If that happened in my life I would never complain about anything ever again.” I have the sweetest kids. And I have the best neighbors and friends. Let me just tell you one such story, because those are the kind of stories we want to tell, the ones that give us the opportunity to feel gratitude.

So, our ward had a Halloween party the other night at our church. And my third grader, Oliver dressed up as a dinosaur. He had one of those costumes that has the air blowing through it, you know the big blowup costume where you look larger than life and you can barely find your face under that big dinosaur head? So, Oliver was really excited and proud of his costume. At the end of the night, they gave away prizes. They had a costume contest. And they gave away lots of prizes. The made up all kinds of creative categories so that lots of people could get prizes.

And at the beginning as they were giving these away Oliver said, “Mom, I’m probably going to win a prize because my costume is really good.” And I was like, “Yeah, maybe.” So, my sweet friend, Heather was reading off the names and giving away prizes. They were giving away a little Halloween medal and a box of candy or something to the winners. And as she was reading name, after name, after name, and Oliver wasn’t getting called. And he was just standing there with me watching Heather, smiling, had this big smile on his face.

And I was just like, “He’s not going to get a prize.” And I thought, okay, well, that’s life. We don’t always get to win everything. So, then I’ll get to help him process disappointment. But it came down to the last prize and they were just about to end. And I actually even turned to Oliver, and I was like, “Oh, buddy, I’m so sorry you didn’t win anything. But you know what? It’s okay.” And as I was saying that, Heather said, “The last prize goes to the smiliest dinosaur.” And she called Oliver’s name, and he went up and got his prize, and he was so happy.

And I said to Heather later, “That made Oliver’s whole night. He just wanted a prize so badly, he wanted to win.” And she said, “I know, I saw him, I saw his little smile. I saw him watching. And so, she kind of threw in an extra prize at the end. And I was like, “People are so awesome.” Thank you, Heather, for noticing Oliver, and for paying attention, and for making his night. Thank you for making his night. And guess what? It could have gone the other way and he could have been disappointed and that would be okay too. And I would help him process it.

But when you have experiences like that, when you have moments especially when you’re in a rut, what I have to do is I have to tell my brain to focus on those things, and to tell those stories, and to soak up and milk those moments because there are plenty of them around. I try to help my kids do the same thing. As we drive down the street I keep going, “Look at trees, look at the red leaves on that tree. Look down our street at how all the trees are red, isn’t that amazing? Look at the sunset. Look at the clouds.”

I’m constantly pointing out the little things that are around that we can use to feel gratitude and to not feel sorry for ourselves because there’s tons of examples like that around. But when you get in a rut your brain is starting to filter all of that out. It’s just pulling in what’s challenging, what’s negative, what’s hard, what could go wrong. And to get out of a rut you have to choose not to feel sorry for yourself, or at least I do.

Here’s the sixth and final thing. I try to pay extra attention to surrounding myself with things that uplift me spiritually and emotionally. So, whether you call it spiritual connection, however you do that. For some of you that’s reading your scriptures, and saying your prayers, and going to the temple, and going to church, great, connect with God, connect with a higher force. For others of you, you might think of it differently. I actually, for me it is spiritual, it is a connection with God and my savior.

But when I tell myself I should read my scriptures, that will make me feel better, I should say my prayers, then I move into obligation and resentment. And I don’t do those things then for the right reason and then I don’t get the result I’m seeking. So, again I use slightly different words to do the same thing, to have whatever is your version of a spiritual practice. I say things like, “You could be inspired, you could put on something inspiring if you wanted. You could put on something uplifting.”

And maybe that’s my scriptures, but in all honesty it’s often not in that form right away. It’s things like inspiring stories. I’ll listen to The Moth Podcast, where I get to hear stories about people. And that brings me around to a connection with God. It helps me feel God’s love in the form of his love for other people and then I can start to access that love for myself. I will listen to uplifting or fun music. I love to listen to the Hamilton soundtrack or the Greatest Showman or something like that.

And those things for me are the gateway into at one point becomes my scripture study and things like that. But in all honesty that’s not where I normally begin. I begin with something that is easier for me to understand and to feel what I’m trying to feel. All of it to me is a connection with the divine. And so that spiritual component is I think important in whatever way that is for you.

Alright, so, listen, thanks for listening to me today and indulging me in this rut that I’m in. I have no doubt that it’s temporary, but I also know that it will come again, that this is again, the human condition. It’s being created by our own brains, we create it internally. It doesn’t just happen to us. But it’s okay to go through periods like that for whatever reason. Maybe there is an obvious circumstance change that has put you into a rut. But nonetheless it’s okay to be a human being having a human experience, I have to believe it it’s, because we all do.

Again, I’m looking forward to Train Your Brain because experiences like that not only help you, they help me. So, thank you in advance to all of you who will be there. And if you are in Be Bold, we will be posting it in there so you don’t have to pay the $19, if you want to experience it as well, we will be posting it daily in there. But if you’re not, make sure you join me at jodymoore.com/intensive. I’ll see you there.

Hey there, if you enjoy this podcast or even if you just find that it sort of piques your curiosity, or it makes you think, you’re going to love the book that I wrote. It’s called Better Than Happy: Connecting with Divinity Through Conscious Thinking. And it’s available now at Amazon in print or kindle version. Or if you want me to read it to you, head over to audible and grab the audio version. And why not grab a copy for your sister, your best friend, or your mom while you’re there too. Just saying.