Entre-Talk: Raising Kids While Growing a Business

I’m Jody Moore and this is Better Than Happy, Entre-Talk: Raising Kids While Growing a Business

Did you know that you can live a life that’s even better than happy? My name is Jody Moore. I’m a master-certified life coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And if you’re willing to go with me I can show you how. Let’s go.

Hey there everybody welcome to an entrepreneurial episode. I am publishing episodes on Mondays. This is new so make sure you’re subscribed because it’s hard to keep track of everything going on in the podcast. I want to recommend for all my entrepreneur business owners, coaches, whatever kind of entrepreneur you might be that you listen to these Monday episodes but also listen to the Friday ones because it all goes hand in hand.

I would say 80% of your success in growing your business is going to be dependent on whether or not you’re developing yourself personally and strengthening yourself mentally and emotionally. And at the very least coaching yourself through all the things that building a business will bring up. But these Monday episodes are going to be really specific to building a business. So if you’re not interested in that you don’t have to listen to these ones. I’ll still be doing the regular Friday life coaching episodes.

So I want to talk today about being a mom or dad, being a parent and raising kids while you grow your business. This seems to be something that I end up coaching on a lot. People say to me, “I’m worried that if I start a business or if I go focus on my business and work on growing my business then I’m going to neglect my kids and my family, I won’t be a good mom. Can you really do both?”

Or people say, “I don’t understand how I could possibly have the time or how could I implement the time management strategies that I’ve learned. Because none of them seems to take into account the fact that if you’ve got a bunch of kids there’s a lot of unpredictability popping up in your life.” So I get questions like this all the time. And I want to tell you that I’m not trying to convince you that you should start or grow a business. That is a personal decision. It may not be right for you. It may be right for you to focus primarily on raising your kids, that may be right.

But I think for a lot of you it is simply the part of your brain that is afraid, the part of your brain that doesn’t want to try new things because new things are scary and we don’t know how to do them and they take a lot of energy and a lot of trial and error and that’s not fun or easy. And so you’ll have to be the one to decide. I simply want to talk to you about why I feel really good about being a business owner and a mom and why I made the decision to do that in the first place.

Because I have been doing this for nine years now but when I started I was in a different point. And so I just want to explain to you my thoughts, again not to say these are the ‘right thoughts’. They are simply my thoughts. And if they resonate for you and they are right for you I think you will know that. I think you will feel that.

So I started my business when I had three kids, my youngest was six months old. So what would that make my other ones be? That would make my daughter about six/six and a half, and my son seven and a half or so, maybe eight. Those were my kids’ ages when I started my business. And then a few years into my business, a couple of years into my business I had another child, my fourth child. So I was really in the thick of little kids and I still am in the thick of raising kids.

That’s how I remember how long I’ve had a business, is by what age my son is who was only six months old when I started. He is now nine and a half. And then I have a seven-year-old daughter and then my other kids are 15 and 16 in high school. So can you build a business and be a mom? Of course, you can. Can you do both successfully? Will your business suffer with all the things your family needs or will your family or children suffer with all the things that your business needs? The answer is yes and no, of course, the answer is that’s up to you.

So here’s what I want to say. I am not here to tell you, you can do it all and you’ll never miss out on anything. You will have to make decisions at times. I have always since the beginning and still, today have to make decisions. Sometimes I have to decide, am I going to go to this function of my children or participate in this thing with my family or do this thing that I committed to do in my business? Sometimes I have to make those choices and I have to say no to something in some cases. Something has to be sacrificed.

And sometimes the business takes a sacrifice, sometimes my time with my family takes a sacrifice, that is the reality. Now, what I will say is in my experience those situations don’t come up very often. It’s not very common that I have to even make that choice. Maybe that’s not true for everybody, maybe it depends on the demands of your business. But when I worked for somebody else I had to make those choices a lot more frequently because somebody else told me when I needed to be at work, when I needed to travel. And my ability to ask for exceptions was somewhat limited.

I only had so many favors I felt I could cash in on before I was going to start to be seen as not a good employee. Whereas now I’m the owner of my business. I can choose when I’m going to work, how often I’m going to work if and when I’m going to travel. And I can build my business around my lifestyle and my family. So I just want to point out that for the majority of the people in the world holding a job is not a luxury, it is necessary in order to support your family.

And so we are constantly making sacrifices with either our job, business or family in the name of creating what we want and generating the revenue and income that we need to support our lifestyles. So us being able to even ask this question I just want to pause and point out means that we are living in a very privileged situation to be able to go, “Should I work”, even if we just say work, if we don’t even call it starting a business, should I work or should I just be with my kids, what would be best, means that you have enough privilege in your life that you have the option to work or not.

Most people don’t have that privilege. And again the only reason I point that out is I’m always trying to stay in a place of gratitude and abundance. We all have opportunities where we can do that. For those of you who have the benefit of being able to ask yourself this question, that is one area where you can feel very grateful and abundant about the situation you’re in, in your life. Now, even for everybody who has the luxury of just choosing whether or not they’re going to make money you still are constantly making decisions about how you’re going to spend your time.

And my guess is there are still times when you decide that your kids or your family or some other obligations that you have in that realm are going to have to wait or sacrifice in the name of something else you’re doing in your life. If it’s not working on your business it might be the yoga class that you signed up for. It might be the girls’ trip that you decide to go on. It might be volunteering in some kind of capacity that you choose to do in your life. It might be going to work at the school even, volunteering at the school.

Maybe you’re with one kid but you’re not with another and some part of you is sacrificing. So let’s just be clear, that we all constantly have to make decisions about is this a time when I’m going to focus on my kids or my family, am I going to focus on something else? I’m pretty sure, or you would go crazy, you can’t just simply be sitting by your kids’ side constantly wondering, what do you need next, honey, anything else I can get you? Are you unhappy? Do you need me? That’s not, first of all, even, useful for our children. But second of all, it’s not useful for us. It’s not reality.

We are constantly choosing where am I going to spend my time. Maybe it’s your church calling. Maybe you spend time at your church calling and your kids or your family in some way get less of your attention, less of your resources if you will because you choose to do that. That doesn’t mean you’re not doing a good job. I honestly think that our families, as families I should say, we should all be sacrificing for one another for the things that matter to each other, things that people care about, things that they feel are necessary.

Sometimes we’re sacrificing because somebody has a need that needs to be met. Sometimes it’s just an interest or a desire. We’re all meant to sacrifice and yes support and help and nurture and guide and take care of one another. But sacrifice even for something that you just care about or are interested in is a useful part of your family dynamic. That’s what I have to say about that.

The next thing I want to say is that when people ask me this question, will I be able to grow and focus on my business the way it needs and be there for my family? And as we dig into it a little bit it’s really common for people to tell me, “I’m just worried actually that what’s going to happen is I’m going to be so wrapped up in my business. I’m going to be thinking about it all the time. I’m going to be obsessed about it. I’m going to be excited about it. I’m going to want to work on it all the time. And I’m going to neglect my children more than is even necessary for my business just because I’m going to want to.

I’m going to get swept away and carried away because I love this and I’m so excited about this. Can you relate to that? Are you worried that you will just get carried away and not stop working when it’s time to stop working and not be present because of where your head will be? So a couple of things I want to say if that’s you because I can relate to this, it’s very tempting. It’s Friday night, I’m sitting in my office at 5:20 recording this podcast which is unusual for me. I usually stop working between three and four when my kids get home from school.

But today I sort of just indulged in catching up with some family and some friends and a bunch of things that I don’t feel bad about but it means that I’m working Friday night which I don’t normally do. But my point is that you don’t just get carried away and neglect your family, it’s a choice that you make. I made the choice to come in my office right now and record this podcast episode.

So when we are worried about something like that in the future, I’m worried that I’ll just – we do this with all kinds of things. I’m worried that I’ll overread. I’m worried that I’ll quit exercising, I’m worried that I’ll whatever as though it wouldn’t be a choice. It is always a choice. And I do recommend that you give yourself some parameters. And you don’t expect perfection, at least I can’t. If I expect perfection of myself I just sabotage myself every time. So I have parameters. I have working hours. I have days and times that I work.

And when it’s time to work I work except for today. Remember, I said you can’t be perfect. You probably won’t be perfect. I’m not perfect at it, I am probably 85/90% of the time though. I follow it really closely anyway. If it’s time to work I get dressed in nice clothes because a lot of times I have to be on video or web camera or something so I like to look nice for my clients. But I also just like to dress nice because there’s something about it that puts my head in the space of I’m working right now.

I went to the dermatologist yesterday, it was the middle of my workday and so she says to me, “Are you going to be going back to work after this?” And I said, “Yeah, I work from home but yes, I’ll be going home and I have more work to do.” And she’s like, “You look so nice for working from home.” And I said, “Yeah, I like to dress nice. Especially when I’m working I dress up a little bit more, it just keeps my head in the right spot. And I like to show up for my clients even on Zoom.”

And she’s like, “But you even have nice shoes on.” I’m like, “Yeah.” Because I’m not pretending for my clients. I’m not like here I have a nice shirt and sweatpants on, I’m pretending. No, I’m genuinely showing up. And partly what that does is keep me focused on work. When my brain wants to go, we should just get the dishes done really fast. We should run that errand while the kids are at school. No, it’s work time, I am working mostly. Remember, the beauty about being an entrepreneur is that you don’t have to be perfect at it. You can make an exception.

Occasionally there’s something that comes up at my kids’ school or something and I can say to myself, “Good news, I will just rearrange my work schedule and I won’t work at that time. And I will figure out when to fit the work in instead.” And I don’t even have to send in a vacation day. But when it’s time to work I work.

One of my team members, Melissa, who’s also one of my best friends who I’ve known for 25 years. When she first started working with me she helped me manage my calendar and everything. And she said, “You know what’s so fascinating, Jody, that I don’t think people realize is that you work a pretty much full-time job.” Slightly less than full-time, maybe 30 hours a week. And she knew my calendar. she helped me manage it and so she knew what I was doing.

And she was like, “You are working, I think people think because you have your own business and it’s at home that you’re just leisurely fitting in a podcast here and there when necessary but you’re not. You’re working.” And by the way, you don’t have to work full-time. When I first started this and my kids were younger and I had kids that weren’t in school yet I worked part-time. I worked three days a week but I still when it was time to work, when it was work hours I worked.

And what that does is help you get things done so that when work is over you don’t have to be on your phone, on your computer trying to catch up on things. I know it sounds basic but it’s everything. Now, as far as your brain wanting to run away and you getting carried away and just wanting to work that is a matter of using your self-discipline to shut it down when it’s time to shut it down. I personally don’t tell myself I need to shut down the ideas in my head.

I think ideas come to me sometimes when I’m with my family. When I’m just being with them when doing something not work related at all is sometimes when I get my best ideas. Just have a process. I like to open up the notes app on my phone, capture ideas in there or keep a notebook with me and write them down. There’s nothing wrong with that. Ideas don’t care at all about your work schedule in fact they come most often when I’m not working.

So just have a place to capture ideas and come back to them. When it is time to work, you come back to those ideas if you want to. So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your head running away. I know some people tell me they feel guilty because they’re playing Uno with their kids but they’re thinking about their business and I say to them, “Why do you feel guilty about that? Do you know how much brain power it takes for you to play Uno? Not that much, it’s pretty easy for you to play Uno. It’s a game of mostly luck and it doesn’t require that much.”

So it makes sense to me that your head wants to think about something a little bit more challenging. It doesn’t mean that you’re not capable of listening to your kids and connecting with them but the truth is your brain is capable of a higher level of problem-solving than some of your young Uno-playing kids. So of course your brain’s going to want to think about your business. I think that’s a beautiful thing. Why are we mad about that?

You can also make the choice to focus on your kids when necessary. Again, one of the reasons I’m recording this podcast late is because my 15-year-old daughter came home from school and she has her driver’s permit, and she needs to get practice driving and she’s nervous about it. And she said, “Mom, would you take me out driving today?” And it was the time when I was going to record this podcast so that it would have been done on time but I said, “Sure, let’s do it.”

So we went on a drive through the country roads and then I said, “Let’s drive to the grocery store.” And she was nervous. I said, “You can do it, honey.” So we drove all the way to the grocery store, I got a few groceries. She drove all the way home. It’s a beautiful thing. I can do that because I have my own business because somebody isn’t telling me you’ve got to work until four o’clock, you’re not off till four. I can say, “You know what, let’s go driving.” And now the kids are all in the basement playing a videogame and they couldn’t care less that I’m in my office working.

So again you have to make decisions and there is to me a difference between I’m just not being disciplined so I’m hanging out on my computer a lot longer than necessary and I am going to work late tonight because I took time off earlier to go on a drive with my daughter. This is a difference. And there’s also a difference between I had a day where I blew off my work a little bit versus I do that most of the time. So just be on to yourself.

I’ll tell you what, I think that being an entrepreneur has made me a better mother. And again I’m not saying that’s going to be true for everyone and I’m not trying to sell you on starting a business. I am just trying to sell you on making that decision consciously. Being an entrepreneur has taught me so many things, well, and being a coach as well, I’ve learned how to manage my own emotions and everything. And that made me a better mother first and foremost.

But being an entrepreneur has just opened my eyes to the possibilities in the world. It’s opened my eyes to there’s not one right path for anybody. And I have learned so many things that could be useful to my kids one day, maybe not, maybe they’ll want nothing to do with entrepreneurship. But they see my husband and I make decisions together. They see the good that we’re doing in the world and ultimately we’re in charge. We get to make the decisions about what we’re going to do with this business, are we going to grow? Are we going to hire more people?

Are we going to move somewhere else? All of the freedom and flexibility make it so that I can build my business around what I want and need to be able to do for my family. So will there be some sacrifices? Yeah, there will, welcome to life. Is it the right thing for you to do? I don’t know. Are you going to get carried away with just working all the time and thinking about it all the time? That’s optional. And if you want help with that come let me coach you on that.

If you’re in Business Minded we can coach on that for sure and help you get it under control because it’s not necessary, I promise you. I can do this, just about anybody can do this, I am confident saying that. Alright, thanks for joining me today you guys. I’ll be back next Monday with more Entre-Talk. I’ll see you then, take care.

Hey there, if you enjoy this podcast or even if you just find that it sort of piques your curiosity, or it makes you think, you’re going to love the book that I wrote. It’s called Better Than Happy: Connecting with Divinity Through Conscious Thinking. And it’s available now at Amazon in print or kindle version. Or if you want me to read it to you, head over to audible and grab the audio version. And why not grab a copy for your sister, your best friend, or your mom while you’re there too. Just saying.