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Jody Moore

Life Coaching for Moms

Entre-Talk: How to Get Over Yourself

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Better Than Happy Jody Moore | How to Get Over Yourself

One of the main things I hear from entrepreneurs that prevents them from making the impact they want to have or seeing the success they’re chasing is the fear of receiving negative feedback, haters online, or judgment from their close friends and family.

Business building requires some stumbling along the way, and the fear of having people laugh at you, getting something wrong, or accidentally offending someone is real. Lots of people will tell you not to worry, and that there will be more people who appreciate you and are cheering you on than not. This is true. But what’s also true is that there will be people who get angry at you or mock you, especially as you become more successful.

Join me this week to discover how to get over yourself if you’re fearful of the negative criticism and judgment that is part and parcel of business building. I’m showing you why this fear is normal, how to recognize that it can’t actually hurt you, and the decisions you get to make when you receive hate.

I want to give away all of my best secrets, and that’s why I’ve created a free training. If you’re a coach or you want to start a similar business and are struggling to figure out how to get started, you need this training. To get it, all you have to do is click here!

What You’ll Learn on this Episode:

  • Why a fear of negative feedback and judgment is normal in business.
  • How to recognize that there is zero danger in judgment and criticism.
  • 3 decisions you get to make when you receive hate.

Mentioned on the Show:

  • I’m Jody Moore and this is Better Than Happy, Entre-Talk: How to Get Over Yourself.Did you know that you can live a life that’s even better than happy? My name is Jody Moore. I’m a master-certified life coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And if you’re willing to go with me I can show you how. Let’s go.

    Alright everybody listen, one of the main things that I hear from entrepreneurs, that prevents them from making the impact they want to make. From achieving the goals that they have for themselves, from seeing the success they want is fear of negative feedback. Fear of criticism. Fear of haters online canceling them or attempting to cancel them or just judgments that even their close friends or family will have as they watch them struggle and stumble as we all do as we try to build businesses.

    Fear of what people will think. Fear of people laughing at us, thinking who does she think she is, how ridiculous is that. Fear of judgment. Fear of accidentally offending someone or getting something wrong and then receiving whatever backlash comes from that, whether it be people’s judgments or literal more severe backlash. That kind of fear, can you relate to this? Do you have any of this?

    So here’s what I want to tell you. It’s real, it is. I think that a lot of times the approach that a lot of coaches take is, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. You’ll be fine, mostly people are going to like what you have to say.” And that’s true, most people for the most part are going to like it. Percentage wise there will be way more people who appreciate you and even strangers who are cheering you on and friends and family who are supporters, who are proud of you or who even just aren’t paying attention.

    Most people in the world are just not even going to be paying attention, don’t even know about you, don’t care about what you’re doing. So that’s true, but it’s also true that there will be, there may be especially as you become successful, the bigger you get the more people become aware of you and start listening to you or following you or what have you, the more criticism you’re going to get. You’re going to get some people that are downright angry.

    You’re going to get some people that are laughing at you, mocking at you, people who knew you before this, people who even liked you before or who don’t like you. People who think that you’re foolish. People who think that you don’t know what you’re talking about and you’re taking a leap that is going to be harmful to you. That is real, so now what? So now we have to get over ourselves. We have to get over that ego part of us that is afraid of that judgment. We have to recognize that there is zero danger in that judgment, there really isn’t, I promise you.

    If you are working for a big corporation and you’re sponsored by Nike or something, then yeah, maybe cancel culture is a legitimate threat to you because if you do something and get ‘canceled’, Nike might drop you from their contract. But my guess is that most of you if you run a business, anything like mine, you’re not sponsored by a big corporation. It doesn’t matter, you don’t have a TV show that you’re worried about getting canceled. You’re not on a news program that you’re going to get kicked off of.

    So nobody’s going to ‘bring down your business’. That type of threat, I don’t think, I mean not that it’s not possible but I just think it’s highly unlikely so I wouldn’t worry about that. When I say it’s real, what I mean is people judging you, people having opinions, people leaving negative comments, people emailing you to tell you that they don’t like you, people DMing you, people leaving that kind of feedback or secretly judging you. That part is real. That part is not dangerous.

    So, a couple of things I want you to keep in mind. First of all, whenever somebody criticizes me, and this has to do with whether it’s in my business or in my personal life or anything else. When somebody criticizes me I am very clear and I want you to become very clear because this is how you become empowered, that there are three possible decisions I get to make, three options.

    So let’s say somebody writes me to tell me that they think I don’t know what I’m talking about and I shouldn’t have said something I said on one of my podcasts. Then I have three options. Option number one is they’re wrong. I totally disagree with them. They are whatever, they’re coming from wherever they’re coming from. I don’t mean they’re wrong in their minds but as far as I’m concerned there is zero validity in what they’re saying. That is almost never the option I go with, occasionally though.

    If somebody were to write in and tell me that I’m foolish for believing in Jesus Christ and God and for being religious. Then I would choose option one and I would go, “No, they’re wrong.” That’s about them. It’s fine for them to think that but I have zero guilt or shame or anything triggering coming up for me if somebody tells me I’m dumb for believing in God. That’s option one.

    Option two is they’re totally right. I should never have said whatever I said that they’re accusing me of. I messed up. I dropped the ball. Oftentimes when that’s the case and this is the case on occasion, it’s something that I already was feeling kind of cringey about. In the back of my mind I was always like, “Did I mess that up? There’s something that felt off about that to me.” And then somebody points it out and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m right there, I was thinking the same thing. I totally agree that was wrong.”

    Now, again this happens on occasion in which case I get the opportunity then to make it right. By the way, sometimes I decide I messed up and nobody’s even pointed it out to me. I just decide, I didn’t feel good about that. I dropped the ball in that way or I shouldn’t have said that or that could be misunderstood. I don’t like that I said that. And so that’s an option too, if you just feel like you ‘messed up’ in some way. Then I get to go back and make it right. Listen, as human beings we’re going to mess up. It’s not a matter of not messing up.

    I coached someone recently, and one of my awesome clients who’s an entrepreneur who said, “I made a mistake and I realize I need to go learn more so that I cannot make mistakes.” And I was like, “Good one.” I mean yeah, learn more, I’m all for you learning more but not so that you can never make mistakes. You’re always going to make mistakes at times. You’ll master one level then the next level you’ll be making mistakes at. The question isn’t how do I never make a mistake? The question is what do I want to do once I’ve made a mistake, how do I make it right?

    Sometimes it’s just a simple apology. Sometimes it’s going back and saying, “You know what, I’m going to apologize for this. And I want to restate what I believe. I misrepresented or I misspoke and I didn’t understand and I was ignorant and I didn’t know that and now I know better. And I apologize if I’ve offended anyone.” Sometimes that’s all it takes. Sometimes it’s more than that. Sometimes it’s a refund to a client or something like that. But there are times when it’s like, “Yeah, you’re right. I messed that up and here’s how I’m going to make it right.”

    It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a business. Doesn’t mean you’re not going to be successful. It means you’re a human being, you made a mistake, it’s going to happen again.

    And then the third option and this is the most common one I find is somebody sends me an email or a DM or they comment on something telling me that they’re offended, they’re hurt, they don’t like something I said or did or whatever. And a big part of me stands by what I said I did. The majority of me thinks, no, I don’t regret that, I don’t take that back. I would do it again but there is a little part of me that’s triggered, a little part of me that wants to get defensive or a snap back at them or engage in some kind of argument or now start accusing them of doing something wrong.

    That’s how I know that there’s a little percentage of me that agrees with them, that either that situation was in some way wrong or inappropriate or if not that one, at least I know I am guilty at times of the thing they’re accusing me of. There are times when I say things I don’t know what I’m talking about or when I make poor choices or whatever they’re accusing me of. So with that option I get to make peace with all of it. And whether or not you acknowledge the person or apologize, that’s up to you, I take that on a case by case basis.

    I ask myself, what feels like me at my best, do I need to, is the part of me that thinks this was wrong a big enough part that I want to apologize or not? Oftentimes the answer is no. If, again, if most of me stands behind what I did, I will simply do the work in my own mind of making peace with, you know what, they’re wrong. You’re not a terrible person and you didn’t mess it up and they’re kind of right, I can see where they’re coming from. And you make peace with it and you say, “Thanks for your feedback, have a lovely day.” And send them on their way.

    So that is where the majority of it falls for me. When I get criticism and I don’t know, I don’t think I get a lot of it because I do shield myself from it. And that’s okay to do as well by the way. You don’t have to read everybody’s negative reviews, you really don’t. But there’s a certain percentage of it I want to know about. I want to know when there are patterns and sometimes I do just, it just ends up in my life in some way. So majority of it falls in that number three category, where majority of me stands behind what I did.

    But a little part of me is triggered which means at least a little part of me agrees with them and I make peace with that. I make peace with the fact that I am a complicated, messy, imperfect human, okay so now what?

    So this brings me to my final point I want to make of how to get over yourself. You’re going to have to get over yourself to really show up big in the world. You’re going to have to get over your ego, that worries that you don’t look good in your reel, that you didn’t sound good. That you didn’t say it the right way, that people are going to judge it. And I’ll tell you what, if you’ve been one of those people and we all have at times, but if you have a habit of judging other people this is going to be especially scary. That’s why I try not to walk around finding fault with other entrepreneurs because it makes it much harder for me to go and do my job.

    But this is what I like to think about. Whatever it is that you do in your business, I’m going to use this as a metaphor and you can apply it to whatever service you provide to people in the world or whatever product you provide and whatever way it makes their life better. I want you to imagine that what you do in your business is like rescuing a drowning person, especially if you’re a coach. It’s sort of what we’re doing, we’re rescuing people who are drowning in whatever way they’re drowning.

    So I want you to imagine you’re in your little boat, you see someone drowning and you row out there in your boat to rescue them. And as you’re rowing, people are standing on the shoreline mocking you, laughing at you, telling you that you don’t row right, that your boat is ugly, that you don’t know what you’re doing, that you shouldn’t be rescuing that person. Meanwhile the person is out there drowning, they need your help. Are you going to go, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you because these people are mocking me.”

    Or are you going to block all of them out and ignore them and go get that person that needs your help and get them in your boat and save their life? That is what I want you to do. And I want you to focus on the person that wants and needs your help and go help them. Get over yourself. Be willing to be ridiculed and mocked. Here’s the good news, the more you do it, the better you get at it. And then you gain more fans than critics.

    You’ll actually always have more fans than critics but as you get better and more successful, the common chant that instead of being like, “That’s so sweet, that’s so cute what you’re doing”, becomes, “Wow, how did you do that? How did you do that?” Now, again, we’re not doing it for that reason but that is how the narrative shifts but you’ll still always get criticism. I still get it, I still do. I still get people offended at things that I’ve said, things that I’ve done. I still get people probably mocking me. I don’t know. I don’t really pay attention to it to be honest.

    But I know it’s still there. I know it still exists. My team gets it. That’s just the reality of it. So what’s up, are you in anyway? Are you going to get over yourself? I hope you will. I hope you will because we need what you have to offer.

    Alright, thanks for joining me today. As always I have a free course for all my entrepreneurs that you must check out if you haven’t already. It’s at jodysfreetraining.com and make sure you check it out because it will get you a successful business if you implement what I teach you there. It’s so simple and so powerful. It’s how I built my business, all my secrets, go check it out, jodysfreetraining.com. I’ll see you next time. Bye.

    Hey there, if you enjoy this podcast or even if you just find that it sort of piques your curiosity, or it makes you think, you’re going to love the book that I wrote. It’s called Better Than Happy: Connecting with Divinity Through Conscious Thinking. And it’s available now at Amazon in print or kindle version. Or if you want me to read it to you, head over to audible and grab the audio version. And why not grab a copy for your sister, your best friend, or your mom while you’re there too. Just saying.

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