300. What Happy People Think

I’m Jody Moore and this is Better Than Happy, episode 300: What Happy People Think.

Did you know that you can live a life that’s even better than happy? My name is Jody Moore. I’m a master certified life coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And if you’re willing to go with me I can show you how. Let’s go.

300 podcast episodes, that’s a lot of me talking. Thank you so much for being on this journey with me you guys. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you guys share it, you listen and that you most importantly apply it in your lives. It’s been a really fun ride and I’m glad that all of you are here with me.

Today I want to talk to you about what happy people think because I notice that there’s a lot of articles, Think, BuzzFeed, Huffington Post or wherever you like to pay attention to these types of articles. I see a lot that talk about what happy people do, or what successful people do, or what confident people do. Some version of some type of person that maybe we kind of all want to be more of. And the articles usually titled what they do. And we want to know, what do they do? Because if I do what they do then I’m going to get the result that they have.

And that might be true but I think a much more powerful and impactful way to think about it is what do those people think? How do they think? How do their brains work? How do they see the world? Because that’s what’s driving what we do in the end, and so I wanted to create my own version of that type of an article and title it What Happy People Think. And since this is episode 300 I’m going to give you 300 things happy people think. Just kidding, we would be here all day. I’m only going to give you seven, don’t worry. I know you have other things to do.

Seven things that happy people think, now, these are not things that I did extensive research or years of psychological study on to come up with. So you can take or leave whatever I’m about to give you here but I will tell you they come from the interactions that I’ve had with thousands of clients. Not only thousands of clients that I’ve coached, but another dare I say, thousands that I’ve listened to get coached, as well as all of the reading and studying that I’ve done of human behavior, and the human brain, and success, and happiness, and emotions.

And also I as a coach am fortunate enough to get to be around a lot of other coaches at times. Over the past year due to Covid I haven’t been able to as much as I did in the past. But The Life Coach School where I’m certified does events frequently that bring coaches all together. And one of the things I noticed is that being in a room full of coaches is equally exhausting and fun. Because as you can imagine, there’s a lot of energy and excitement in a room of coaches, and a lot of experts, and a lot of people who like to talk. But also most of those people are super happy.

Now, none of us are always happy. We’re always complete human beings. But while we’re there at a conference with one another, around each other, there tends to be a lot of happiness. And I will say overall that many of the coaches I know anyway tend to be a little bit lighter, happier people in general because of course that’s why we love coaching, because coaching saved us from ourselves. We were all a mess at some point and now we’re just half mess and half happy.

There’s a hotel that we used to do a lot of events at in Dallas, Texas. One of the staff members there one time made a comment to me, she said, “I always love when The Life Coach School is doing an event here because everybody that comes is so happy. They’re so nice.” And I was like, “We are a pretty happy group.” And that’s because of the way that we think. So I’m going to offer you seven things that happy people think, take them or leave them.

These are not fancy thoughts. They’re just sort of mindsets that I want to offer to you that if you choose to start to view the world through some of these lenses you’re going to find your happiness level goes up. It’s pretty fun. Now, I do have one caveat that I want to give because I said in the beginning, “Hey, why are we trying to study what people do? We should be studying what people think.” But my caveat is there is also such a thing as willpower. So willpower is when we do something that’s contrary to what we’re thinking and feeling. “We do it anyway”, you might say.

So maybe I don’t want to do the thing but I do it anyway. I don’t have the thoughts that make it fun or easier. I don’t have the motivation or even the desire or the drive and I do it anyway. So we’re perfectly capable of doing things that don’t align with what we’re thinking and feeling. And sometimes that can be useful because as human beings we prefer to be in alignment with ourselves.

So if I don’t feel like cleaning the bathroom and I get myself to start cleaning the bathroom anyway sometimes then my brain catches up with me and starts going, “You know what? It’s not actually that bad cleaning the bathroom.” Now I actually want to finish cleaning the bathroom now that I’ve started it. And so we can get ourselves back into alignment by using willpower. It’s still my thinking that creates my feeling but willpower is where we go against what’s happening. We sort of interrupt our models, if you will, after the feeling line or the thought line and we do it anyway.

It’s all very complicated. I’m not trying to say it’s as simple as what I sometimes outline it to be. I just think thinking about it in this way that if I can change my mindset, if I can change the way I view myself in the world I’m going to get way more impact than just studying what to do. Are you with me?

I wanted to give one other example of this because I realized it the other day. When I was in high school a motivational speaker came, which I always loved motivational speakers in high school and in middle school. At any rate one of them came and said that, “If you just choose to smile, if you walk around smiling you’re going to feel better.” And I took that to heart for some reason.

I remember literally leaving classes in high school and walking down the hall smiling because I remember thinking now, let’s not try to look weird here. Let’s not be over the top like something’s wrong with her like she has a joker smile on her face. But I just sort of tried to keep a smile. And I did feel better. I felt happier. And maybe that was just in my head. Maybe it was because I was expecting to feel better. I don’t know.

But I do think that there is a lot of power in just taking action, even little action like putting a smile on your face. And then your brain wants to be in alignment with that and you sort of catch up to yourself. So anyway that’s my caveat. Let’s talk about the seven things that happy people think because just changing what you think is where your power lies.

Number one, happy people tend to think some version of the world is getting better. The world is getting better you guys, I really do think that. Now, there’s a lot of evidence and a lot of people that believe that the world is getting worse, the world is getting harder. And I’ll tell you that I agree with that too. I just think that the world is expanding.

There’s an amazing video on YouTube by Rob Bell called Everything is Spiritual. And he talks about this expansion that started long before we existed, long before there were human beings on the planet and how we just keep expanding and getting more complicated. So the world is getting both more challenging and more awesome. The world always has been half amazing and half terrible and it always will be. And those halves will expand as we expand and as our world expands.

Think about our world today, imagine if you’re great, great grandparents were dropped into today’s world they would be totally overwhelmed. They would probably be in awe and freaked out because we expand with the world. So our great, great grandparents didn’t have all of the amazing-ness that we have today and they also didn’t have the same challenges, but they still had challenges and they still had amazing-ness, it just looked different. It wasn’t as complicated maybe. It wasn’t as layered as it is today.

But if you find your head going to the place of the world is getting worse, the world is getting darker, the world is getting harder, the world is getting more challenging it’s not going to generate the maximum level of happiness for you. So I want you to look at in what ways is the world also getting more amazing. In what ways is it also getting better? And when I say the world I mean that can be on a huge more general level but even on a more narrow specific level.

One of my favorite things to do, Friday mornings when I wake-up, I open up Instagram and I watch Reels because they’re hilarious. I think this is what TikTok does too, but I’m not on TikTok. But I think it’s basically the same thing. And I find it so awesome that people are so clever, people are hilarious. People are funny. People can dance really well and sing and lip sync super well.

And I just feel happier after I watch Reels for not too long, 10 or 15 minutes. I’m sure there’s some dark stuff on there too but mostly I watch the light funny stuff and I always share some of them on my Instagram, the ones I like. So at any rate are people struggling more than ever? Are they more anxious and depressed? Yeah, and also happier, and laughing, and enjoying life, and enjoying the world, both exist. The world is getting better you guys, it always has and it always will. And there will be challenge too, that’s never going to go away.

Number two, everything will be okay in the end. I really do believe this you guys, I mean if you’re a member of my church this is sort of the core of our doctrine, everything will be okay in the end. This is all part of God’s plan. There’s a bigger plan than just our time here on this Earth. And everything’s going to be okay in the end. And that’s a tough thing for the human brain to wrap itself around when it feels like nothing is going okay. But I promise you, everything will be okay in the end.

And I can’t prove it. I also can’t prove that that’s not true. So what do you want to do? What do you want to believe? Sometimes that is the most comforting thought. It’s a very general thought. I don’t try to get more specific. If I can’t believe something more specific I just go, “Somehow everything will be okay in the end.” I really do believe that.

Number three sort of goes along with that but a little bit different and this is one that again a lot of my coach, fellow coach friends and I have found to be super powerful in keeping us happier in general. And that is the idea that nothing has gone wrong. So obviously it’s easier to think nothing’s gone wrong on a beautiful 72 degree day when all your kids are happy, and they’re getting good grades, and you didn’t burn dinner. And everything appears to not be going wrong.

But what about a different day, what about a day when things didn’t work out the way you thought they were going to, the weather isn’t what you thought it was going to be? And something got cancelled or someone got hurt, or somebody lost a job, or things just don’t appear to be going the way we thought they would go. Do you know what could be true? Nothing’s gone wrong. Nothing’s gone wrong because maybe it was never supposed to go that way in the first place.

Or maybe just it going that way isn’t required for you to still get what you want to get in your life, and in your day-to-day emotions, and in the results that you create for yourself, what if that’s true? What if your best life doesn’t come from ease and everything going the way you thought it was going to go? What if your best life comes from you having challenges and surprises and then figuring out what to do next in overcoming obstacles and being flexible at times? And learning how to feel how you want to feel in any circumstance. I think that could be true, I’m just saying.

So I like to sometimes pause when I’m in the thick of thinking that everything’s gone wrong or something’s gone wrong and go, “What if nothing’s gone wrong?” It’s a really valuable question to ask if you don’t just shut it down with, “Of course this has gone wrong.” If you can hold space for the question, I love the idea that holding space for questions and not needing an answer right away is where you really develop inside into yourself. I think it’s where the spirit helps guide us.

And I love that question, what if nothing’s gone wrong here. Even though it seems like everything’s gone wrong, nothing’s gone wrong, just saying.

Number four thing that happy people think is they think some version of I’m good, I’m okay. I mean yes, you can think I’m great, I’m amazing, I’m lovable, I’m worthy, I’m valuable. I’m all for you thinking that. But there’s probably going to be times when you think I’m not great today, or in this way, or in that circumstance I wasn’t great. I messed up. I made a mistake or I just made a terrible choice and overall I’m good. That’s okay, I’m good. You know what I mean by I’m good? Not like I’m good, like this is good and this is bad. I just mean I’m good, I’m okay. It’s okay, I got me.

I love you anyway Jody, I love the parts of you that are great, and strong, and courageous, and hardworking. And I love all of the rest of you too, the parts of you that are weak, and lazy, and evil, and selfish. I’m good. See what I mean? Because that’s true you guys, we’re all that way. We’re all a complete package.

We all need the atonement. We all need its power to carry us because we’re never going to be good enough. And yet it’s okay, we’re good enough being not good enough. See what I’m saying? I’m good. It’s a thought that you have to practice but I highly recommend that you do.

Alright, number five, I’m capable of growing and changing. This sort of speaks to Carol Dweck’s work on the fixed mindset, if you haven’t read Carol Dweck’s book, it’s fantastic. I think it’s called Mindset. No, The Growth Mindset. What is it called? I’ll find out. We’ll put it in the show notes, Carol Dweck. She teaches a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. And people who think in a fixed mindset way tend to be less happy.

So the fixed mindset thinks that you just are either good at things or not good at things or you just are capable, or you just know things, or you don’t know things. And on the surface it doesn’t make sense. We all understand that we don’t come, as babies we’re not born knowing all the things that we might want to know, or having all the skills we’re going to want to have. But there’s still a mindset in some people that believes that.

And then Carol Dweck teaches that it tends to come from maybe if you got a lot of praise for things that didn’t require a lot of effort or maybe if you’re naturally really good in one area of your life. She talks about athletes who are just naturally really good at a certain sport. Then anything else they weren’t good at they would get really frustrated over. So I’m capable of growing and changing. I’m capable of learning. That is the truth my friend, there’s nothing you want to know or do that you’re not capable of knowing or learning to do, I promise you.

If you genuinely are interested in it and you genuinely want to know how to do it you’re capable of it. I really do believe that. I don’t think that you have genuine desires that you’re not capable of achieving. So notice I didn’t say you’re capable of anything, I said anything that you genuinely desire you’re capable of.

So you’re going to feel a lot happier when you think that because when you do notice your shortcomings or the things that you’re not good at yet. If you think that too bad, you’re done, you’re cooked, that’s it, this is what you’ve got then it’s discouraging. But if you realize that you’re capable of growing, changing and learning then it becomes a process of figuring out how to do that. And you can just choose to enjoy the process because you don’t need to be any further along than you already are, I promise.

Number six thing that happy people think is some version of, I like that. I like that thing, or I like that person, or I like that movie, or I like that kind of food, or I like just anything, fill in the blank. You know what makes you happier than disliking, and criticizing, and being mad about everything? Liking things, this is such a novel idea, I know.

But I’m telling you, your brain thinks that the most important, most useful things or thing that it could do is to discover what it doesn’t like, what it thinks should be different or better. And you can do that if you want to but that doesn’t generate happiness. What generates happiness is liking things.

I’m always trying to get better at liking things. Really, I think it’s a skill. And I practice it all the time because it’s so much fun to like things, even better if you can love things. You don’t have to though. You don’t have to be deeply passionate about something, that’s not what I’m talking about. If you do have that, great, I think that’s super fun, I like to see that in people. But you don’t have to have that, you don’t have to go discover your passion or what your calling or any of that. That’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m just talking about liking things. When you go to a new restaurant, do you usually walk out thinking I didn’t really like the service there, I didn’t like how loud the music was, I didn’t really like the food, I didn’t like whatever it is, is that the first thing that you notice? Is that the main thing if somebody says, “How was that restaurant?” Or do you just practice liking things? Can you even like it and leave out the part you didn’t like? Does it really have to be relevant all the time you guys? It doesn’t, I’m just telling you.

You can just like things if you choose to practice liking things. And happy people like things on purpose.

The seventh and final thing I want to offer you that happy people think is again a version of this mindset, that’s hilarious. Did you know there is so much in this world that’s funny? When you can laugh at things in the world, laugh at yourself, laugh at your mistakes, laugh at how complicated people are, laugh at – I don’t mean laugh in a mocking way laughing at people. I mean laugh with people. Find the humor. Find it.

Not everybody out there is great at joke writing or even at storytelling. But you can hear where they’re trying to be maybe sarcastic. And I choose to find the humor in it and laugh more because I feel happier when I do. When I can laugh at myself then everything isn’t so heavy. When I can laugh at life in general it takes the weight off, it takes the pressure off. It helps me remember that nothing’s gone wrong. Everything’s going to be okay in the end. I’m good. We can sort of just lighten up around it. You know what I’m saying?

There’s a lot of humor, and by the way, my sister, Melissa, she knows that I like to watch standup comedy, although it’s hard to find standup comedy that isn’t completely offensive. I really like Nate Bargatze; he has a new Netflix that I love.

But anyway so I will watch standup comedy or listen to it. There’s a lot of podcasts that are pretty funny. I was traveling recently by myself and Melissa said, “Are you in your hotel room right now watching comedy on Netflix?” Because that’s what I do, I like to laugh, you know why? I feel happier when I just let myself laugh. I’m telling you the world is a funny place, find it.

Alright you guys, listen, you don’t have to be happier. This podcast is called Better Than Happy because there is a lot available that’s a lot better than happiness. But I want to give you permission to allow yourself to be happy too. You really can. Being upset, and worried, and stressed, and anxious is not a requirement to create the life that you want. It’s not controlling the world. It’s not preventing problems. It’s just punishing you. So what if you just decided to try on one or two of these seven thoughts I just gave you and allow yourself to be just a little bit happier?

Alright, I love you. Thanks for joining me today guys. I’ll see you next time. Take care.

Who is your life coach? If you don’t have one I would be so honored to be your coach. I created a virtual coaching program called Be Bold that I want to invite you to join me in. We can address challenges, we can work on goals, and we can do it in so many different ways.

We have group coaching, individual private coaching, and online chats along with hundreds of hours of courses and content that I’ve created just for you. When you’re ready to really take what you’re learning on the podcast to the 10x level, then come check out Be Bold at JodyMoore.com/membership.