318. Why You Aren’t Taking Action

I’m Jody Moore and this is Better Than Happy, episode 318: Why You Aren’t Taking Action.

Did you know that you can live a life that’s even better than happy? My name is Jody Moore. I’m a master certified life coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And if you’re willing to go with me I can show you how. Let’s go.

Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. I want to talk to you today about why you’re not taking action. Now, this can apply in a lot of different areas of our lives. Maybe you are trying to get a project done at home and you noticed you’re just not doing it. You just can’t get yourself moving. Maybe you have a business. I’m going to relate it specifically to business today. I’ll try to bring in other examples. But for me it was the most obvious in my business and it still shows up sometimes. And we are going to be opening the doors to Business Minded next week.

So, I wanted to speak especially to entrepreneurs but those of you that are not entrepreneurs. I promise you there is application for this in so many areas of your life. And understanding this has been so lifechanging for me. It’s really helped me get some leverage over myself when I’m not progressing on the things I want to be doing and so I hope that it will do that for you here today. So, the reason we don’t take action is because of what we’re thinking and feeling, it is.

So, if you know the model that I teach, circumstances trigger thoughts, thoughts create feelings. Feelings are the fuel for our action. Sometimes our action is inaction. Sometimes it’s avoiding. Sometimes it’s just a less effective action than we would be taking if we were operating from a different thought and feeling. So, it’s our thoughts and feelings that are fueling our actions. And so, if we’re not taking action it’s because of thoughts and feelings.

But I have seven of them today that I want to dive into that in my eight years of coaching thousands and thousands of clients. I have yet to find anybody that doesn’t fit into one of these or multiple of these seven categories when it comes to not taking action. So, the reason I’m offering it to you is because when you become aware of why you’re not then you get some leverage over yourself. It is not so that you can feel bad about it and judge yourself. These are human reasons.

The reason that there’s seven that everybody fits into is because we’re all human beings. We have similar tendencies and patterns. Our brains want to protect us. Our brains want to do what’s easy and fun and that is natural and normal. When you understand it though you gain the ability to operate not just from your default settings but to choose more intentionally what you want.

So, the first reason that I see people not taking action is because they’ve either made the thing they’re trying to achieve too important or not important enough. I see both of these. So, if your thought is, well, it doesn’t really matter, this relates obviously to many things but let me take it to business for a minute. If you are trying to create a product or service and put it out there in the world and help people with it and charge money for it then you have a business.

And if your thought is it doesn’t really matter if I do this, I don’t really need the money. I don’t have to do it. It’s just for fun then you’ve made it possibly not important enough if you’re not taking action and that’s your thought. If your thought is this matters. I have to do this, this is really important for whatever reason. Sometimes I hear clients say, “My husband is exhausted and I’ve got to bring him home from his job. He’s counting on it.” Or, “We paid all this money for my education.” Or, “I’ve invested so much time and money into it so far, I have to make this work.”

Or sometimes it’s just I don’t want to let anybody down. I have to make this amazing. See how we’ve made it so important that we kind of freeze up because it’s so much pressure on us? Okay, so it doesn’t need to be super important and it also doesn’t need to not matter at all. It needs to be somewhere in the middle. It needs to be like I’m going to do this and I’m committed. And this is a legit thing to want to put my time and effort into. And I’m perfectly capable of succeeding at it and I want to see what I’m capable of.

And also, if I didn’t do it, it’s okay, I’m not any less of a person. And there’s not all this heavy responsibility on me. Listen, you don’t have to bring your husband home. You guys can figure out a lot of different ways to make money. This doesn’t have to be the thing. It doesn’t matter how much time and money you’ve put in. It could be something that you choose not to do at some point and that would be okay. But also, wouldn’t it be cool? Let’s go. Let’s see what we could do. Do you see what the middle kind of looks like? It’s not super important. It doesn’t make you more valuable.

And it’s also not, not important. That thought, we don’t really need the money is one I hear a lot. Okay, but does anybody really – how much money do we really need? Not much. Nobody really needs the money. And it doesn’t have to be the money driving you. But what is the reason? Let’s find something that does drive you, that does motivate you. Alright, that was number one.

Number two, you think that you need to feel like it. I can relate to this one. Some days I’m like I’m supposed to sit down and write a dozen emails today. And I hear my head go, I don’t feel like it. Now, normal for our brains to say that. But what you have to do is recognize that not feeling like it isn’t a valid reason to not do it. So, what that you don’t feel like it? You think you need to feel like it to do it? No. Think about how many things you do every day that you don’t feel like doing.

Does anybody really ever feel like changing a baby’s messy diaper? No. We just do it because we care about the child and we care about their health and so we do it. And we don’t want to smell the smell. So, we just do it even though we don’t feel like it. There are so many things in our lives like that, that we do even though we don’t feel like it. But there are a handful of things. Usually, they are goals like building a business that we’ll say, “I just don’t feel like it.” And so, then we don’t do it. Guess what my friends? You don’t have to feel like it.

I love to tell myself, you’re not entitled to feel like it all the time, it’s fine. Let’s just go. I hear you. I hear you that you don’t want to do it. But think how amazing it’s going to feel to get it done especially because I don’t feel like doing it. Those are the things that I’m going to look back and go, “Thanks for doing that, self because that was really useful that you did that thing. I’m so glad that we did that in the past.” Especially because we didn’t feel like it. Let’s go. Alright, that was number two.

Number three, the third reason that we don’t take action is because we start playing a short game. We’re playing the short game. We’re like, “Hey, I’m going to do this thing, let’s see if it works. Oh my gosh, it didn’t work. I guess I won’t do it again or I won’t try again.” Or the thing that we think we’re going to try, there’s a pretty high chance that it won’t work. That’s playing a short game.

Now, I had sort of a light bulb awareness of this right when the pandemic started. And I want to tell you about it. And it’s going to sound really kind of silly and maybe even shallow, I don’t know. But it really – something clicked for me because I’ve always known this. I’ve known that the way to succeed is to just keep moving forward. And I’ve been able to do that in my business pretty well. But I was never able to do that with regards to my health and weight goals. So, I’m going to talk about it there but you’re going to apply it to your business if you’re stuck in your business.

So, I used to get eyelash extensions. I’m thinking about getting them again. I don’t know. But anyway, I used to get them for many years actually I got fake lashes glued onto my lashes because that’s how ridiculous I am sometimes. And when the pandemic hit I realized okay, I’m not going to be able to go get my eyelashes filled for a while because when you get those you have to go about every four weeks, they have to replace the ones that have fallen out because eyelashes fall out.

And so, I knew that within a couple of months’ time or so I was not going to have any of those fake lashes left. And when you get fake lashes glued on for many years it kind of takes a toll on your real lashes. They’re pretty weak and they don’t come in very strong. So, I thought I’d better start using this eyelash serum. I have used different serums before but I’ve never been good at using them consistently. You have to put that serum on your eyelashes every day to make it grow thicker and stronger.

And I just thought, I’m just going to put that on every day as my lashes fall out so that – they say it takes about six weeks or so to see the effects of the serum. Hopefully in six weeks, once all my fake lashes are gone my real lashes will come in thicker and longer. And I just put it on every day even though the next day I didn’t look in the mirror and go, “Look at my lashes, they’re getting so thick and long.” It was just every day, every day, I just knew if I just put it on every day at some point I’m going to probably be glad I did.

And sure, enough after a while, after six to eight weeks, once all my fake lashes had fallen out I was like, “Look at my lashes. They look good. They almost look like I have fake ones on again.” With a good mascara and some serum, can’t go wrong. So, my point was I was on a walk one day thinking about how I’d put this lash serum on every day and I don’t ever get mad or impatient, when’s it going to work? I just know it’s going to take time.

And I thought what if I thought about my food that way? What if I stopped getting angry that I hadn’t lost a pound this week or thinking that I should be over the depravations and cravings right away and being so impatient about it? What if I just knew, putting lash serum on every day is an easy thing to do which makes it an easy thing not to do. But eventually it creates a pretty awesome result. And that could be true with anything. I realized that could be true with my food and my body and it was. And that is true in your business as well my friends.

The things that you need to be doing are just easy simple things. But if you’re playing a short game, if you’re wanting to see the result tomorrow or this week you’re going to stop doing it. Play the long game. Just keep doing the things over and over again knowing it’s going to take some time. But it’s going to be worth it when I get there. I’m just going to keep doing these things that are actually really easy to do. And stop looking in the mirror every day to see if my lashes have grown any longer. Just trust that at some point it will catch up. Don’t play the short game, that’s number three.

Let’s go to number four. The number four reason that we don’t take action, especially in business, and I’ve talked about this a little bit on the Business Minded Bonus episodes. But I want to dive into it again because it shows up so much. We make it about us. We make it about us. As soon as I make it about me it’s really hard to get myself to do anything in my business. If I’m going to go give a talk somewhere and I’m thinking I wonder if they’re going to like me. I wonder if they’re going to think I know what I’m talking about.

I wonder if people are going to be there who I think are smarter or better than me. And I wonder if they’re going to judge me. I wonder if this is going to pay off for me in some way. I wonder if I should make sure I get a return on this in some way. If I make it about me I wonder what I should wear. I wonder if my hair’s going to look okay that day. As soon as I make it about me I do not want to prepare that talk. I don’t. But the good news is it’s never about me, even though my brain thinks it’s all about me, it’s not. So as soon as I redirect to I wonder who will be there who might need to hear this message.

Again, here it’s really subtle shifts. I know I’m making it about me when I think I hope there’s tons of people there. Because why would I want that except for selfish reasons that I’m just like I hope that through this speaking experience I get lots of exposure and lots of people learn about me and my business. That’s sort of making it about me, for me anyway. I know that. So, what I do is go, “I hope that whoever needs to hear this message is there. If there’s one person who benefitted from hearing this message, that was a good use of my time.”

So stoked to get to be there and help that one person. So, if I was expecting when I got there that there were going to be 200 people and there were only 10, I think these are the 10 that need to hear what I’ve got to say. Let’s go. These are the 10 that I could possibly help, so excited that they’re here. So, every time we make it about us it gets harder to take action.

If you’re trying to sell something, if you’re trying to create something, if you’re trying to put something out in the world, if you’re trying to build a business, if you’re raising kids even. As soon as you make it about you, I just want to be a good mom, that’s how we make it about us. It’s very painful. Good moms do this. I should do it. Not going to work. It’s not about you. It’s about those people you’re helping, it’s about your kids.

Alright, number five reason we don’t take action is because we indulge in indulgent emotions. This is a weird term that we use in the world of life coaching. So, I will explain to you what I mean by it but I think it’s an interesting thing to become aware of. Again, I want to caution you not to start judging yourself because when I use that term indulging in emotions sometimes, people start judging themselves. We all indulge in indulgent emotions at times. We have good reasons for it. So indulgent emotions are mainly these three but I’m not saying this is an all-inclusive list.

But the ones I see the most often are indecision, confusion and overwhelm. And we call them indulgent emotions because we indulge in them, it’s just easier to sit around feeling confused, feeling unsure about what to do about which would be the right school, or the right choice, or the right thing to name this program. Or the right website or the right colors, or the right business model even, the right offer, the right price. We just sit around being unsure. It’s much safer than going forward, and taking action, and putting work out there, and making offers.

It’s a lot easier than getting down, actually doing the work we need to do in our business. We just indulge in, I’m just confused. I just can’t decide. I’m just overwhelmed, that’s the other one. I don’t know, there’s so much to do, I’m just overwhelmed, I don’t even know where to begin. As though there’s a right place to begin. We all know it doesn’t matter, just dive in and get moving. But we indulge in overwhelm because it’s easier than getting started. So again, not to judge yourself.

The idea with this tool is that you go, “Oh, that’s all I’m doing.” The indecision, and confusion, and overwhelm are not facts. People tell them to do me as though they’re facts. I just can’t decide. They’re just telling me about themselves. I’m 5’3 and I can’t decide which target market to focus on in my business. No, that’s a decision, which is good news because you can make a decision any time. Deciding to be undecided is a decision and the solution is just to make a choice and own the choice. And go all in and don’t question it, and don’t look back, and don’t second guess it.

And don’t wonder if it was the wrong choice. Just move forward. The same with overwhelm, just choose not to be overwhelmed, choose not to be confused. Do you know you can do that? You can just choose not to be confused. Your brain will tell you, I’m just so confused. And you say, “No, we’re not.” If we weren’t what would we say? If we weren’t confused what would we do next? If we didn’t not know, what would we say? It’s actually just a simple redirect of your brain. Don’t indulge in indulgent emotions.

Alright, the sixth reason that we don’t take action is because we’re afraid of rejection or failure which I purposely put here after indulgent emotions because that’s what will come up next. If I was like hey, just pick one, if you can’t decide just flip a coin. What comes up for you? What if it’s the wrong one? What if it doesn’t work? What if people don’t like it? What if people judge me for it? What if people think I don’t know what I’m talking about? What if people laugh at me?

What if it doesn’t get the result I’m trying to create in my business? And the answer is okay, then we learn something and then we try again. You have to be up for rejection and failure you guys if you’re going to build a business. But here’s the thing. It doesn’t have to mean all the dramatic things you make it mean. If you don’t make it mean any of that, it’s much easier. I did an episode recently in Business Minded in the bonus episodes on failure. So, you can go hear more about that. But when you recognize, I am just afraid of rejection and failure.

But I will never reject myself. And I will never call myself or my business a failure. So, let’s go. If I show up and I try a bunch of things and I put a bunch of work out there, and I do what I can to create the results I’m trying to create in my business and it doesn’t get me the end result I was thinking or hoping it would I am going to thank myself for showing up. I’m not going to berate myself from getting it wrong. I’m not going to tell myself I’m a failure or bring up a bunch of doubt.

If you just choose ahead of time to get your own back, there’s really nothing to fear. Yes, some people won’t like it. Some people will judge it, that’s okay. I’m not for everyone. I’m not trying to speak to everyone. I’m not trying to help everyone. I’m just trying to help a select group of people. Let’s talk to them. Let’s go help them. Let’s let the haters be haters, let’s let the internet trolls troll all day long. It’s fine.

I saw this quote the other day, I want to say maybe it was Brené Brown’s page. I can’t remember. Anyway, it said, nobody’s ever going to judge you who’s ahead of you in the game. They won’t. The only people that come along and judge you and criticize you are people that are behind you. I’m not saying that it’s a competition or a race. I’m just saying, people who have already done and are doing things beyond where you’re at in whatever your pursuit is, aren’t looking back judging you. They’re cheering you on usually.

The only people judging you are people either sitting on the sidelines not playing at all or people that are behind you that feel threatened and jealous. That’s it. So, it’s okay. Let’s not worry about them. Let’s think about all the people we can help. Don’t be afraid of failure and rejection. Don’t reject yourself. That’s the only thing that matters in the end.

Alright, the seventh and final reason that we don’t take action is because we don’t know what to do next. Now, I just talked about indulgent emotions, being confused, being undecided and how that’s not a real thing. And I still stand by that. But I also think that there’s something to be said from learning from those who have done what you’re trying to do. There’s something to be said for somebody giving you ideas. You might try this. You might try that. Have you considered this? Do you know about this tool? Do you know about this strategy?

That is how I built my business. Yes, I make decisions but I make decisions based on information I get from people who have already done what I’m trying to do, people who are really good at things that I’m just learning, that I’m brand new to, or that at least I haven’t mastered at the same level they have. I learn from them. And I get guidance and support. And then from the options I get from them I make confident decisions and I get my own back and I move forward. And that is why I want to invite you to join me in Business Minded.

So, I’m going to be doing an information call next week on Tuesday, August 24^th at 9:00am Pacific Time. That is 10:00am Mountain, 11:00am Central and 12:00pm Eastern Time. And you should come and join me and learn about Business Minded because it’s going to be an amazing program and I’m going to be guiding you for the whole next year. And you’re going to have access to all the modules and the program for life. But you will have access to me for a year if you choose to join me in Business Minded.

So come to the information call on the 24^th where I’ll be telling you about how it works, what it costs, how to get in, what you get, all of that goodness. And so, you can find the login details at jodymoore.com/business. Alright, I will see you there. Have a beautiful rest of your week. Take care. Bye.

Who is your life coach? If you don’t have one I would be so honored to be your coach. I created a virtual coaching program called Be Bold that I want to invite you to join me in. We can address challenges, we can work on goals, and we can do it in so many different ways.

We have group coaching, individual private coaching, and online chats along with hundreds of hours of courses and content that I’ve created just for you. When you’re ready to really take what you’re learning on the podcast to the 10x level, then come check out Be Bold at JodyMoore.com/membership.